Halle Berry recently told Parade magazine that she tried to commit suicide in the past. Apparently the incident was over her failed first marriage and she was to do the deed by asphyxiation by car exhaust.

"I was sitting in my car, and I knew the gas was coming when I had an image of my mother finding me. She sacrificed so much for her children, and to end my life would be an incredibly selfish thing to do. It was all about a relationship. My sense of worth was so low. I promised myself I would never be a coward again."

It's always sad when beautiful people try to take their own lives. I got pretty depressed once because I finished a delicious sandwich and wanted more, so I tried to kill myself by picking a fight with a gang of hoodlums. Unfortunately my instincts kicked in and I beat them all up, but the moral of the story is: beating up hoodlums and taking their money is a great way to get sandwich money.

Wait, what happened? I just blacked out and all I remember was Halle not being a coward...