So I got sad today thinking about my old dog Buttons. That may sound like a girly name to you, but he was the coolest pet I ever had, and really the only one that really was mine. We had a Siamese cat, Suki, when I was really young-we're talking like 1-3 years old. She lived to be something like 19 years old. Used to guard my crib by sleeping in it lol, and turn off lightswitches. Funny cat that, I remember some things about her vaguely and some things very clearly. But Buttons was the first pet I had to call my very own. He was such an awesome dog too. He was a Shih Tzu, and his named was because of the fact that his nose looked like a black button. Rather large for his breed, he was over 20 lbs when most Shih Tzus are under, he died in 1997, during the first few weeks of November. He held out for my Halloween party that year and I've got some pictures of him with us. His leashes still hang in the garage on the peg board, and I've got his collar, hat, and comb upstairs. I still have his dog tags too. That had to be one of the worst weeks of my life. Even when my grandmother died about 3 or 4 years earlier, it was a lot easier to bear when he was around and could tell I was upset and that something wasn't right.

I often remember the little things like how he used to get really hyper sometimes and we'd have this kind of "stand-off" where I'd pat the floor with both hands and then he'd do the same with his paws, huff a bit and then go bolting throughout the entire first floor. He'd run a huge lap through the kitchen, dining room, and then skitter on the hallway tiles as he tried to turn around, and then he did it again like 10x lol.

Eventually he began to have this horrible cough, and when he tried these things and couldn't keep them up it pained me to watch. He had too big a heart, literally, and it made it hard for him to breathe when it was doing a lot of work. After what must of been the worst football practice of my life, I called my father to pick me up, and he sounded very distraught on the phone. I knew something wasn't right but he wouldn't tell me then. He waited until I was driving us home and were on our block, not the most opportune time lol, I would have rather not been doing something dangerous at the time! Now that I look back on that I can't imagine how hard that must have been for him to break to me. I'm really starting to see things through the eyes of a father lately. My father is very rarely sad or grief stricken. I can remember maybe 3 or 4 times in my lifetime I've seen him so. But Buttons' death definitely rattled him. He doesn't like to go to the pet store with my mother because it brings back old memories I think. I visited one over break with Jesse, Tara, and Amar on our way back from an expo show. There was only one Shih Tzu there, but that really brought back a lot of memories, like a floodgate ripping open. I really miss that dog and I still get misty eyed when I think about him for more than 3 seconds. That was such a horrible time, and I've not thought about it in a long time. I was horrible when I was at home, because everything reminds you of your pet right after he dies. It could be the floor and you'd just randomly remark he used to sit there. Sometimes the worst was coming home from school and not seeing him sitting at the door or barking his head off when he saw me coming (he'd think everyone was an intruder until he realized who you were lol). I'd go out to the movies, go over a friend's house, and I'd be fine, but the second I was coming down my road my throat would get all tight again. I love dogs too, and I'm glad my sister got one, even if Rocky is an annoying Pomeranian with 1/100th the attention span of a serious ADD afflicted person. There is something calming about the prescence of an animal, and I can't wait until I get a dog one day. It'd be hard to right after college of course, and it limits your options travelwise and workwise. I'm trying to convince my parents to get another Shih Tzu light enough that they can bring with them to and from Fl. I think they need the company. Maybe he'll slow the now visible aging that's hitting my father mentally, or calm my mother's anxiety. Maybe another dog might make things not seem so lonely sometimes.

Maybe I just miss my friend...

Yet time does heal all wounds, and now when I think of him I smile and say to myself "He was a good dog," granting him the highest praise his species can earn.