My Pimpafyed name is: Sweet Chocolate P. Silk
What's your Pimpafyed name?

This had me laughing for 5 minutes straight...

HAHAHAHAHA lol poor Janet your career is MJ-destined now

Ever seen the video for Yatta? They're so weird over there...
Lindsay got much more popular after her MTV Movie Award performance lol...

The FUSE tv network did some advertisements that goofed on the iPod adds. Some of them are pretty good.


By far the funniest one...

iPod Evolution Baby. (From left): iPod Mini, 4th Gen, 3rd Gen, 1st/2cd Gen

Ditto but see how thin my new one is :D

Vh1's Michael Jackson Movie Premieres This Friday Night!!!!

The move follows Michael from his Motown days until the recent charges against him, where he did his little jib on top of a car to screaming fans. I can't wait...the Jackson 5 movie was great, but there's so much more that's happened after.

Go Mike Go!

Time for some lyrics from my favorite Throwing Copper songs :D

Live - Iris

I liked the way my hand looked on your head
In the presence of my knuckles
But the beauty of this vision alone
Just like yesterday's sunset
Has been perverted by the sentimental
And mistaken for love

The felix of your truth will always break it
And the iris of your eye will always shake it
And the armies, the armies I have created
Will always hate it
Will always bait you on

I liked the way my hand looked on your head
In the presence of my struggle
But the beauty of this vision alone I can't shake from my tree just yet I
t keeps invading all my private moments
Listen to me now

The felix of your truth will always break it
And the iris of your eye will always shake it
And the armies, the armies I have created
Will always hate it
Always bait you on
Until I take their flags
Until I take their flags!

Live - Top

This is not helping me at all
What you are doing here
In the name of god and love
It's the distribution of fear
Pyramids, healing wires, analysts with fame
I haven't got your degree
And I forgot your name

Pick me up and put me on the ground
Set me up and spin me all around
No, you are not the one I wish to see

This is not helping me at all
Where did we get this plan?
That you could give to me
What I might already have
Pyramids, healing wires, a musician's fame
I volunteered you my eyes
In place of facing me

Pick me up and put me on the ground
Set me up and spin me all around
No, you are not the one I wish to see
Oh hitler, in a robe of truth
My emptiness has built your altar
And I've worshipped myself in you forever
Until now!

Live - Stage

I wanna feel
I wanna try
I wanna rock in the city tonight
I wanna deal
Don't wanna die
I wanna bring my Captain Hook into the light
People I've seen my day
Ranting and raving this beauty away
We are by and large the same
But words are too feeble, they cannot contain
He was a "rock and roll messiah"
She was known for her childcare
The truth is gonna give up the world
If you can give up the stage
If I can give up the stage
If we can give up the stage

Come to this, I can't come to you
Don't do this, wake me up tonight
Come to this, I can't come to you
Don't do this, wake me up tonight
Come on, motherfucker!!
He was a "rock and roll messiah"
How can you stand today beside her
Messiah, besider her....
Give me the stage
Give me the stage
Beside her
Beside her
Besider her.
::Insert awesome feedback here::

The BEST song on the album...this is Live at their hardest. Go Live go!

Live - White Discussion

I talk of freedom
You talk of the flag
I talk of revolution
You'd much rather brag
And as the decibels of this disenchanting discourse continue to dampen the day
The coin flips again and again, and again, and again as our santity walks away
All this discussion
Though politically correct
Is dead beyond destruction
Though it leaves me quite erect
And as the final sunset rolls behind the earth
And the clock is finally dead
I'll look at you, you'll look at me and we'll cry a lot
But this will be what we said
This will be what we said:
"Look where all this talking got us baby."

::Insert most amazing ending to a song Live has ever done here::

This is disturbing. None of my middle or high school teachers ever got frisky with me. Then again thinking back to most of them I think there'd only be like 2 ever who would even be worthy of that.

Rush ROCKED last night. And it looks like YES and DREAMTHEATER are coming on August 20th. Could you ASK for a better concert? I don't think you could. Really I don't.

Got Lindsay's annual shorehouse bash this weekend. May go to Jess's for dinner with her family Friday night, not sure yet. Things are still up in the air this week. I know the guys want to go to Atlantic City for our annual trip...well this would be the second annual lol. So we'll see it's going to be a nuts weekend.

THANK YOU for sending me chain letters in 2003 & 2004!!

• I stopped drinking Coca Cola after finding it’s only good for removing toilet stains.
• I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
• I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
• I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
• I’ve stopped answering the phone for fear that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
  I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me gay.
• I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.
• I’ve stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
• I think I’m turning gay because when I go to parties I don’t look at any females no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
• I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl who was about to die in hospital about 7,000 times. Funny, that girl’s been 7 years old since 1993.
• I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are supposed to send me when I participated in their special email program.
• My Ericsson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

BUT I AM POSITIVE THAT ALL OF THIS IS BECAUSE OF A STINKING CHAIN THAT I BROKE OR FORGOT TO FOLLOW, AND NOW I’VE GOT THE CURSE FROM HELL.

Veronica Corningstone: For Channel 4 News, I'm Veronica Corningstone. Thanks for stopping by.

Ron Burgundy: And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

Brick Tamland:

"I don't know what we're yelling about!"

"Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart!"

"Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!"

"I ate a big, red candle."

"I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said...my tummy itches. "

"Where'd you get your suit? The toilet store?"

"I pooped a hammer."

"I ate a lava lamp once. It wasn't actually lava."

"(riding a bear) Look, I'm riding a big furry tractor."

"I love... carpet."

"I love... desk."

"I love lamp."

"I love lamp! I love lamp."

"I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I enjoy ice cream and a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me I have an I.Q. of 48 and that I am considered mentally retarded."

" I heard somewhere their periods attract bears. They can smell the menstruation."

Ron Burgundy:
"Oop...I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, "jogging". I believe it's 'jogging' or 'yogging'. it might be a soft "j". I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild.

By the beard of Zeus!

Knights of Columbus, that hurt!

Son of a bee-sting!

Great Odin's raven!

Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?

I'm going to punch you in the ovary, right in the babymaker.

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch.

Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.

Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?

Brian Fantana: I don't remember.

Ron Burgundy: That's not a good start, but keep going...

Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.

Ron Burgundy: I'm pretty sure that's not love.

Brian Fantana: Damn it!

It's so hot... milk was a bad choice.

Pinky the Pet Of The Week (Poor guys balls....)

Quotes from The 'Burbs.

Ray Peterson: No I've never seen that...I've never seen anyone drive their garbage down to the end of the drive way and then bang the hell out of it with a stick I-I've never seen that.

Art: Now they know that we know that they know that we know.

Art: I think the message for psychos and killer is "do not mess with suburbanites". We're not gonna be content to look after our lawns and wax our cars, we're out to get them, man, we are out to get them.

Ray Peterson: I'm going to go do something productive. I'm gonna go watch television.

These are also amusing.

... We polish the Polish furniture.... He could lead if he would get the lead out.... A farm can produce produce.... The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.... The soldier decided to desert in the desert.... The present is a good time to present the present.... At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.... The dove dove into the bushes.... I did not object to the object.... The insurance for the invalid was invalid.... The bandage was wound around the wound.... There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.... They were too close to the door to close it.... The buck does funny things when the does are present.... They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.... To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.... The wind was too strong to wind the sail.... After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.... I cried a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.... I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.... How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?... I spent last evening evening out a pile of dust.

100% Grammatically Correct

1. A murder of crows
2. A clowder of cats
3. A leap of leopards
4. A sloth of bears
5. A rafter of turkeys
6. A smack of jellyfish
7. A skulk of foxes
8. A labor of moles
9. A peep of chickens
10. A crash of rhinoceroses
11. A paddling of ducks
12. A siege of herons
13. A rag of colts
14. A drift of hogs
15. A charm of finches
16. A trip of goats
17. A knot of toads
18. A shrewdness of apes
19. A parliament of owls
20. A troop of kangaroos
21. A gaggle of geese
22. A pride of lions
23. A watch of nightengales
24. A muster of peacocks
25. An exaltation of larks

1. Ignore everybody.
The more original your idea is, the less good advice other people will be able to give you.

You don't know if your idea is any good the moment it's created. Neither does anyone else. The most you can hope for is a strong gut feeling that it is. And trusting your feelings is not as easy as the optimists say it is. There's a reason why feelings scare us.
And asking close friends never works quite as well as you hope, either. It's not that they deliberately want to be unhelpful. It's just they don't know your world one millionth as well as you know your world, no matter how hard they try, no matter how hard you try to explain.
Plus a big idea will change you. Your friends may love you, but they don't want you to change. If you change, then their dynamic with you also changes. They like things the way they are, that's how they love you- the way you are, not the way you may become.
Ergo, they have no incentive to see you change. And they will be resistant to anything that catalyzes it. That's human nature. And you would do the same, if the shoe was on the other foot.
With business colleagues it's even worse. They're used to dealing with you in a certain way. They're used to having a certain level of control over the relationship. And they want whatever makes them more prosperous. Sure, they might prefer it if you prosper as well, but that's not their top priority.
If your idea is so good that it changes your dynamic enough to where you need them less, or God forbid, THE MARKET needs them less, then they're going to resist your idea every chance they can.
Again, that's human nature.
GOOD IDEAS ALTER THE POWER BALANCE IN RELATIONSHIPS, THAT IS WHY GOOD IDEAS ARE ALWAYS INITIALLY RESISTED.
Good ideas come with a heavy burden. Which is why so few people have them. So few people can handle it.

2. Creativity is its own reward.
You never really reach your goals. By the time you get near to fulfilling them your criteria has already changed. Which is why by the time the world recognizes your genius, it won't seem very real.

3. Put the hours in.
Doing anything worthwhile takes forever. 90% of what seperates successful people and failed people is time, effort and stamina.

4. If your biz plan depends on you suddenly being "discovered" by some big shot, your plan will probably fail.

Nobody suddenly discovers anything. Things are made slowly and in pain.

5. You are responsible for your own experience.
Nobody can tell you if what you're doing is good, meaningful or worthwhile. The more compelling the path, the more lonely it is.

6. Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten.
Then when you hit puberty they take the crayons away and replace them with books on algebra etc. Being suddenly hit years later with the creative bug is just a wee voice telling you, "I’d like my crayons back, please."

So you've got the itch to do something. Write a screenplay, start a painting, write a book, turn your recipe for fudge brownies into a proper business, whatever. You don't know where the itch came from, it's almost like it just arrived on your doorstep, uninvited. Until now you were quite happy holding down a real job, being a regular person...
Until now.
You don't know if you're any good or not, but you'd think you could be. And the idea terrifies you. The problem is, even if you are good, you know nothing about this kind of business. You don't know any publishers or agents or all these fancy-shmancy kind of folk. You have a friend who's got a cousin in California who's into this kind of stuff, but you haven't talked to your friend for over two years...
Besides, if you write a book, what if you can't find a publisher? If you write a screenplay, what if you can't find a producer? And what if the producer turns out to be a crook? You've always worked hard your whole life, you'll be damned if you'll put all that effort into something if there ain't no pot of gold at the end of this dumb-ass rainbow...
Heh. That's not your wee voice asking for the crayons back. That's your outer voice, your adult voice, your boring & tedious voice trying to find a way to get the wee crayon voice to shut the hell up.
Your wee voice doesn't want you to sell something. Your wee voice wants you to make something. There's a big difference. Your wee voice doesn't give a damn about publishers or Hollywood producers.
Go ahead and make something. Make something really special. Make something amazing that will really blow the mind of anybody who sees it.
If you try to make something just to fit your uninformed view of some hypothetical market, you will fail. If you make something special and powerful and honest and true, you will succeed.
The wee voice didn't show up because it decided you need more money or you need to hang out with movie stars. Your wee voice came back because your soul somehow depends on it. There's something you haven't said, something you haven't done, some light that needs to be switched on, and it needs to be taken care of. Now.
So you have to listen to the wee voice or it will die... taking a big chunk of you along with it.
They're only crayons. You didn't fear them in kindergarten, why fear them now?

7. Keep your day job.
I’m not just saying that for the usual reason i.e. because I think your idea will fail. I’m saying it because to suddenly quit one’s job in a big ol' creative drama-queen moment is always, always, always in direct conflict with what I call “The Sex & Cash Theory”.

THE SEX & CASH THEORY: "The creative person basically has two kinds of jobs: One is the sexy, creative kind. Second is the kind that pays the bills. Sometimes the task in hand covers both bases, but not often. This tense duality will always play center stage. It will never be transcended."
A good example is Phil, a NY photographer friend of mine. He does really wild stuff for the indie magazines- it pays nothing, but it allows him to build his portfolio. Then he'll go off and shoot some catalogues for a while. Nothing too exciting, but it pays the bills.
Another example is somebody like Martin Amis. He writes "serious" novels, but he has to supplement his income by writing the occasional newspaper article for the London papers (novel royalties are bloody pathetic- even bestsellers like Amis aren't immune).
Or actors. One year Travolta will be in an ultra-hip flick like Pulp Fiction ("Sex"), the next he'll be in some dumb spy thriller ("Cash").
Or painters. You spend one month painting blue pictures because that's the color the celebrity collectors are buying this season ("Cash"), you spend the next month painting red pictures because secretly you despise the color blue and love the color red ("Sex").
Or geeks. You spend you weekdays writing code for a faceless corporation ("Cash"), then you spend your evening and weekends writing anarchic, weird computer games to amuse your techie friends with ("Sex").
It's balancing the need to make a good living while still maintaining one's creative sovereignty. My M.O. is gapingvoid ("Sex"), coupled with my day job ("Cash").
I'm thinking about the young writer who has to wait tables to pay the bills, in spite of her writing appearing in all the cool and hip magazines.... who dreams of one day of not having her life divided so harshly.
Well, over time the 'harshly' bit might go away, but not the 'divided'.
"This tense duality will always play center stage. It will never be transcended."
As soon as you accept this, I mean really accept this, for some reason your career starts moving ahead faster. I don't know why this happens. It's the people who refuse to cleave their lives this way- who just want to start Day One by quitting their current crappy day job and moving straight on over to best-selling author... Well, they never make it.
Anyway, it's called "The Sex & Cash Theory". Keep it under your pillow.

8. Companies that squelch creativity can no longer compete with companies that champion creativity.
Nor can you bully a subordinate into becoming a genius.

Since the modern, scientifically-conceived corporation was invented in the early half of the Twentieth Century, creativity has been sacrificed in favor of forwarding the interests of the "Team Player".
Fair enough. There was more money in doing it that way; that's why they did it.
There's only one problem. Team Players are not very good at creating value on their own. They are not autonomous; they need a team in order to exist.
So now corporations are awash with non-autonomous thinkers.
"I don't know. What do you think?""I don't know. What do you think?""I don't know. What do you think?""I don't know. What do you think?""I don't know. What do you think?""I don't know. What do you think?"
And so on.
Creating an economically viable entity where lack of original thought is handsomely rewarded creates a rich, fertile environment for parasites to breed. And that's exactly what's been happening. So now we have millions upon millions of human tapeworms thriving in the Western World, making love to their Powerpoint presentations, feasting on the creativity of others.
What happens to an ecology, when the parasite level reaches critical mass?
The ecology dies.
If you're creative, if you can think independantly, if you can articulate passion, if you can override the fear of being wrong, then your company needs you now more than it ever did. And now your company can no longer afford to pretend that isn't the case.
So dust off your horn and start tooting it. Exactly.
However if you're not paricularly creative, then you're in real trouble. And there's no buzzword or "new paradigm" that can help you. They may not have mentioned this in business school, but... people like watching dinosaurs die.

9. Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb.
You may never reach the summit; for that you will be forgiven. But if you don't make at least one serious attempt to get above the snow-line, years later you will find yourself lying on your deathbed, and all you will feel is emptiness.

This metaphorical Mount Everest doesn't have to manifest itself as "Art". For some people, yes, it might be a novel or a painting. But Art is just one path up the mountain, one of many. With others the path may be something more prosaic. Making a million dollars, raising a family, owning the most Burger King franchises in the Tri-State area, building some crazy oversized model airplane, the list has no end.
Whatever. Let's talk about you now. Your mountain. Your private Mount Everest. Yes, that one. Exactly.
Let's say you never climb it. Do you have a problem witb that? Can you just say to yourself, "Never mind, I never really wanted it anyway" and take up stamp collecting instead?
Well, you could try. But I wouldn't believe you. I think it's not OK for you never to try to climb it. And I think you agree with me. Otherwise you wouldn't have read this far.
So it looks like you're going to have to climb the frickin' mountain. Deal with it.
My advice? You don't need my advice. You really don't. The biggest piece of advice I could give anyone would be this:
"Admit that your own private Mount Everest exists. That is half the battle."And you've already done that. You really have. Otherwise, again, you wouldn't have read this far.
Rock on.

10. The more talented somebody is, the less they need the props.
Meeting a person who wrote a masterpiece on the back of a deli menu would not surprise me. Meeting a person who wrote a masterpiece with a silver Cartier fountain pen on an antique writing table in an airy SoHo loft would SERIOUSLY surprise me.

Abraham Lincoln wrote The Gettysberg Address on the back of his paper lunch bag, sitting on a park bench.
James Joyce wrote with a simple pencil and notebook. Somebody else did the typing.
Van Gough never started a painting with more than six colors on his palette.
I draw on the back of wee biz cards. Whatever.
There's no correlation between creativity and equipment ownership. None. Zilch. Nada.
Actually, as the artist gets more into his thing, and as he gets more successful, his number of tools tends to go down. He knows what works for him. Expending mental energy on stuff wastes time. He's a man on a mission. He's got a deadline. He's got some rich client breathing down his neck. The last thing he wants is to spend 3 weeks learning how to use a router drill if he doesn't need to.
A fancy tool just gives the second-rater one more pillar to hide behind.
Which is why there are so many second-rate art directors with state-of-the-art Macinotsh computers.
Which is why there are so many hack writers with state-of-the-art laptops.
Which is why there are so many crappy photographers with state-of-the-art digital cameras.
Which is why there are so many unremarkable painters with expensive studios in trendy neighborhoods.
Hiding behind pillars, all of them.
Pillars do not help; they hinder. The more mighty the pillar, the more you end up relying on it psychologically, the more it gets in your way.
And this applies to business, as well.
Which is why there are so many failing businesses with fancy offices.
Which is why there's so many failing businessmen spending a fortune on fancy suits and expensive yacht club memberships.
Again, hiding behind pillars.
Successful people, artists and non-artists alike, are very good at spotting pillars. They're very good at doing without them. Even more importantly, once they've spotted a pillar, they're very good at quickly getting rid of it.
Good pillar management is one of the most valuable talents you can have on the planet. If you have it, I envy you. If you don't, I pity you.
But nobody's perfect. We all have our pillars. We seem to need them. You are never going to live a pillar-free existence. Neither am I.
All we can do is keep asking the question, "Is this a pillar" about every aspect of our business, our craft, our reason for being alive etc and go from there. The more we ask, the better we get at spotting pillars, the more quickly the pillars vanish.
Ask. Keep asking. And then ask again. Stop asking and you're dead.

11. Don't try to stand out from the crowd; avoid crowds altogether.
Your plan for getting your work out there has to be as original as the actual work, perhaps even more so. The work has to create a totally new market. There's no point trying to do the same thing as 250,000 other young hopefuls, waiting for a miracle. All existing business models are wrong. Find a new one.

I've seen it so many times. Call him Ted. A young kid in the big city, just off the bus, wanting to be a famous something: artist, writer, musician, film director, whatever. He's full of fire, full of passion, full of ideas. And you meet Ted again five or ten years later, and he's still tending bar at the same restaurant. He's not a kid anymore. But he's still no closer to his dream.
His voice is still as defiant as ever, certainly, but there's an emptiness to his words that wasn't there before.
Yeah, well, Ted probably chose a very well-trodden path. Write novel, be discovered, publish bestseller, sell movie rights, retire rich in 5 years. Or whatever.
No worries that there's probably 3 million other novelists/actors/musicians/painters etc with the same plan. But you see, Ted's special. His fortune will defy the odds eventually. Exactly. That's what he keeps telling you as he refills your glass.
Is your plan of a similar ilk? If it is, then I'd be concerned.
When I started the business card cartoons I was lucky; at the time I had a pretty well-paid corporate job in New York that I liked. The idea of quitting it in order to join the ranks of Bohemia didn't even occur to me. What, leave Manhattan for Brooklyn? Ha. Not bloody likely. I was just doing it to amuse myself in the evenings, to give me something to do at the bar while I waited for my date to show up or whatever.
There was no commerical incentive or larger agenda governing my actions. If I wanted to draw on the back of a business card instead of a "proper" medium, I could. If I wanted to use a four letter word, I could. If I wanted to ditch the standard figurative format and draw psychotic abstractions instead, I could. There was no flashy media or publishing executive to keep happy. And even better, there was no artist-lifestyle archetype to conform to.
It gave me a lot of freedom. That freedom paid off in spades later.
Question how much freedom your path affords you. Be utterly ruthless about it.
It's your freedom that will get you to where you want to go. Blind faith in an over-subscribed, vainglorious myth will only hinder you.
Is you plan unique? Is there nobody else doing it? Then I'd be excited. A little scared, maybe, but excited.

12. If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you.
The pain of making the necessary sacrifices always hurts more than you think it's going to. I know. It sucks. That being said, doing something seriously creative is one of the most amazing experiences one can have, in this or any other lifetime. If you can pull it off, it's worth it. Even if you don't end up pulling it off, you'll learn many incredible, magical, valuable things. It's NOT doing it when you know you full well you HAD the opportunity- that hurts FAR more than any failure.

Gollum's Song

 

Where once was light

Now darkness falls

Where once was love

Love is no more

 

Don’t say – goodbye

Don’t say – I didn’t try

 

These tears we cry

Are falling rain

For all the lies

You told us

The hurt, the blame!

 

And we will weep

To be so alone

We are lost!

We can never go home.

 

So in the end

I will be what I will be

No loyal friend

Was ever there for me.

 

Now we say goodbye

We say you didn’t try

 

These tears you cry

Have come too late

Take back the lies

The hurt, the blame!

 

And you will weep

When you face the end alone

You are lost,

You can never go home.

You are lost,
You can never go home...

 

Can't tell you how moving this song is....

I never realized how perverted Bambi was in my youth. I am a wiser man this day...

Bambi Taken Completely Out Of Context

"I figure three inches is plenty long."
"I want it hard! "
"I didn't feel it squish!"
"Well quit sucking on it; it isn't making it any better!"
"I'm not sure if it looks good smaller."
"You have a big one!"
"Give me a thrill ride!" "
There! I elongonated him!"
"How did I get it bigger before? Oh! This is how I did it!"
"I started playing around with it, and woooo!"
"Well, how does it go in?"
"It's this great big, humongous long thing!"

As if this wasn't enough, here's my favorite list of quotes I'm glad they didn't use in The Lord Of The Rings movies.

Witch-king: Mordor, we have a problem.
Apollo 13

Sauron to Saruman: You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough.
Austin Powers

Aragorn (after decapitating Lurtz): Not the time to lose one's head.
Legolas: No.
Aragorn: That's not the way to get ahead in life.
Legolas: No.
Aragorn: It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
Legolas: Hmm.
Aragorn: He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
Legolas: Okay, that'll do.
Aragorn: Okay.
Austin Powers

Gandalf in Moria: I just want to apologize to Sam's mom, and Pippin's mom, and Merry’s mom. I am so sorry! Because it was my fault. I was the one who brought them here. I was the one that said ‘keep going South.’ I was the one who said that we were not lost. It was my fault, because it was my project. I am so scared! I know what's out there. We are going to die out here! I am so scared!
The Blair Witch Project
 
Boromir (in Moria re cave troll): Of all the places in all the mountains in all the world, it walks into a mine.
Casablanca
 
Frodo to Boromir: There's only two people I trust. One is me. The other is not you.
Con Air

Galadriel to Frodo: It's like looking in a mirror. Only... not.
Face/Off
 
Frodo to Boromir: You want the Ring... YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE RING
A Few Good Men

Sauron to Saruman: Those orcs you sold me,they won't mate. They just walk around, eating, and not mating. You sold me... queer orcs. I want my money back.
Gladiator
 
Strider to Pippin: How'd you like them apples?
Good Will Hunting

Aragorn: Nazgûl. I hate these guys.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
 
Aragorn to Frodo after Moria: Are you crying?! Are you crying?! There's no crying on this quest!
A League Of Their Own
 
Elrond: Men? Men are weak. The race of men is failing. The blood of Numenor is all but spent. It's pride and dignity forgotten. It is because of men the ring survives. I'd like to share a revelation during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify their species. I realized that they're not actually mammals. Every mammal in Middle Earth instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but men do not. They move to an area and they multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. The only way they can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism in Middle Earth that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Men are a disease, a cancer of this Middle Earth. They are a plague, and we are the cure. I'm going to be honest with you. I hate this place, this zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste Isildur’s stink. And every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by it. It's repulsive, isn't it? I must get out of here. I must get free. When’s the next ferry to Valinor?
The Matrix
 
Gandalf (in Moria): It reads 'Here may be found the last words of aaarrrggghhhh....
'Monty Python And The Holy Grail
 
Aragorn: Hand me my sword.Boromir: Which one is it?Aragorn: It's the one with ‘bad !!!!!!!!!!!!’ written on it. In Elvish.
Pulp Fiction
 
Legolas (looking at the orcs outside Helm’s Deep): How many?
Aragorn: 10,000.
Aragorn: 10,000?
Haldir: (further away) How many?
Legolas: 50! (to Aragorn) He can't count anyway.
Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves
 
Aragorn: Oh my God. They killed Gandalf. You  bastards!
South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut
 
Frodo looking in Galadriels mirror: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Spaceballs
 
Frodo: They call me Mr. Frodo
Unbreakable
 
Frodo: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sam: Why not?
Frodo: What I'm saying is and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form is that hobbit-hole owners and gardeners can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sam: That's not true. I have a number of hobbit-hole owner friends and there is no sex involved.
Frodo: No you don't.
Sam: Yes I do.
Frodo: No you don't.
Sam: Yes I do.
Frodo: You only think you do.
Sam: You say I'm having sex with these hobbits without my knowledge?
Frodo: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sam: They do not!
Frodo: Do too.
Sam: They do not.
Frodo: Do too.
Sam: How do you know?
Frodo: Because no hobbit-hole owner can be friends with a gardener that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with him.
Sam: So, you're saying that a hobbit-hole owner can be friends with a gardener he finds unattractive?
Frodo: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sam: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Frodo: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sam: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Frodo: I guess not.
Sam: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in Mordor.
When Harry Met Sally

And now we move onto The Two Towers Commentary :D

The Two Very Tall Buildings:

Disc I
 

• This time we begin with unused footage from some IMAX film. The mountains are almost… hypnotic.
• The Balrog is *really* wishing his wings were actually good for flying right now.
• Sam is apparently willing to sacrifice Frodo for his Box O’ Salt. Trust me, you don’t want to know how far he’d go for a pinch of oregano.
• For being a bloodthirsty brute, the leader of the uruks can sure annunciate his words. “Keep your mouth shu-T!”
•  think I know why it’s taking so long for the Three Hunters to catch up to the uruks. Every two minutes they stop and talk like they’re auditioning for a Shakespearian play.
• Look at how Gimli always falls behind in every running sequence. I think between shots, he jumps into a golf cart to make up the distance. Cheater!
• Spontaneous court drama in the Golden Hall! Eomer presents the evidence and the case seems air-tight, but Grima is as slick as his name. Eomer’s like: *clunck* “Here ya go Wormy, explain this helmet!” But then Wormtongue’s all like: “Whatever. You are *so* banished. And by the way, I got the hots for your sister.” Ouch. Eomer got ownzed.
• I’d love it if Aragorn called out to the Rohirrim, and they just kept on riding away. Aragorn: “Riders of Rohan! What news from the- hey! HEY! I’m talking to you!”
• Gandalf’s sword becomes Glamy of Lightning Damage +20. Tell us, Balrog, how does it feel to be smote?
• Wormtongue is just oozing pick-up lines at Eowyn. Though, there are probably better places to woo a girl you like other than the death-room of said girl’s cousin. Better luck next time, Grima. This isn't Three Weddings and a Funeral.
• Mean ol’ Gandalf is using his staff to give Theoden the worst case of constipation in his life. That’s just not right.
• Saruman: “Gandalf The White? Gandalf The Fool!” Saruman is just like us. You always think of the good come-backs *after* the argument is over. I feel for ya, man.
• “It will begin at Edoras.” “It will begin in Rohan” Saruman has this thing with beginnings. I wonder if he’s like this all day. “I am hungry. I shall eat dinner. It will begin in my kitchen.”

Disc II

• Gimli’s horse has inadvertently discovered the one weakness of Dwarves. Throw them onto their back and they’re as helpless as a tortoise. Gimli: “Um… a little help, please!”
• The King is ancient!... yet Eowyn is still gah-gah about him. What is it about women and older men, anyway?!
• Arwen: “This is not the end… It is the beginning.” Saruman would be so proud of her.
• The cameraman is supposed to focus on the Evenstar around Aragorn’s neck… but I think he’s just a liiiiitle too preoccupied with Arwen at the moment. Gives new meaning to the words “trust us”, I suppose.
• Theoden: “What is it?!” Aragorn: “Wargs! We’re under attack! We’re all gonna die! AAAAAAAH! *runs away*” That’s our King, always ready for a fight.
• As the wargs crest the hill, I think Legolas is trying really hard to get lasers to shoot out of his eyes.
• Eowyn: “I can fight!” Theoden: “No!” Oh, yes she can, Theoden, you chauvinist pig!
• Legolas initiates Long-Range-Artillery Mode. The elf is a one-eldar army!
• Legolas says: “Mind if I join you, Gimli?!” Leggy has l33t horse-mounting skillz!
• What’s this?! The Warg Captain has an Evenstar of his own! Yuck. Do elf maidens *ever* get boyfriends from their own species?!
• Theoden tries to be so subtle with Eowyn. “Our people are safe. We have paid for it with many lives…including your boyfriend- ANYWAY! Moving on….”
• “But, my lord, there is no such force.” Saruman should thank Grima. A set-up line like that only comes once in a decade!
• Half-dead Aragorn thinks his true love has come to save him, but actually Brego is just getting a little fresh. Even non-humanoids dig this guy!
• Arwen really stands by her Man in this scene, doesn’t she? Arwen: “There is still hope.” Elrond: “No there isn’t.” Arwen: “You’re right, there isn’t.” Elrond: “Take the ship, dear.” Arwen: “Ok. *leaves*” Maybe Aragorn should choose Eowyn after all.
• Hey, it’s Galadriel. Remember her? She’s using her Anytime Minutes to call up Elrond. I wonder: when you get such a call, does your ring ring?
• Looks like Faramir has managed to steal the movie-map. He really *is* the Prince of Thieves!- Faramir: “Your bodyguard?” Sam: “His gardener.” Sam’s best line of the trilogy as far as I’m concerned.
• Faramir: “He had an ill-favored look.” That’s the most diplomatic way of describing Gollum I’ve ever heard. Faramir might go on to describe Sauron as “well-sighted”.
• Gollum’s taking a dip in Faramir’s private Jacuzzi. The penalty for such an act is DEATH!
• Aragorn: “It is an army bred for a single purpose… to give this film an epic battle sequence.”
• Eowyn: “I’m to be sent with the women and children” Aragorn: “That is a noble charge.” Oh yeah, Aragorn? Then why don’t you do it and let Eowyn get some orc-busting action!
• An entmoot makes the Council of Elrond seem like a blur of efficiency.
• Legolas: “Your friends are with you, Aragorn.” Thanks, Leggy. I thought they were on the Moon or something.
• Uruk Translator: “UUUUUOOOOOAAAAH!” means “Company, halt!”- Uruks singing: “We will, we will, ROCK YOU!”
• Uruk Translator: “RAAAAAAAH!” means “Commence the attack!”
• Theoden: “So it begins….” Saruman’s spirit has not completely left this man.
• Theoden: “Is this all you can conjure, Saruman?” *Two* great set-up lines in one moive?! Saruman, you lucky dog!
• Uruk Beserker #369 was awarded the honor of carrying the Torch of Dooooom for the last few hundred yards due to his excellent ability to shake off the pain caused by many arrows being shot into his upper torso.
• After the explosion, Theoden has this great deer-in-the-headlights expression. “Um… what just happened?”
• Theoden distracts Aragorn and Gimli so that the uruks get the drop on them, then just boards up the gate without another word! You’re a jerk, Theoden.
• I think Faramir and his Merry Men are lost. They’ve stumbled into a World War II movie set.
• Theoden: “We’re doomed.” Aragorn: “Wait! I got an idea! Let’s charge blindly into them!” Theoden: “Alright! Let’s do it!” This quickly becomes Theoden’s favorite strategy.
• Even the Sun is fighting for the good-guys now! This is excellent!
• Treebeard wants to water Saruman’s lawn… permanently.
• Uruk-Hai: “Look! A convenient forest in which to escape! What luck! We’re saved and- WAAAAAAAAA!” Poor, gullible Uruk-Hai.

Some funny Fellowship of the Ring Commentary and Observations :)

Disc I

• I’m a big proponent of having the title be the final words of the narration…. Of course, this would mean that the movie would have to be titled: None Now Live Who Remember It… and that’s just not as cool as Lord of the Rings
• I love how each race reacts to the rings. The elves look at them like: “Ooo, shiney things!” the dwarves are like: “Alright! Rings rock!” and the men are like: “What the heck are these for?!”
• Just in case you missed the narration, the word MORDOR is quite prevalent on the map
• I wonder, did Isildur unsheathe his sword at the start of the march and walk with it out all the way to Mordor? I think someone’s desperate to show that they’re the boss. Although it would explain why Aragorn likes to have his own sword out all the time
• There’s Frodo and Gandalf, just yucking it up. For some reason, I giggle at the thought of Frodo leaping towards the wizard’s embrace, but missing and going right over the cart…. I’m a mean person.
• Hey! Whadaya know! My spellchecker recognizes the names “Frodo” and “Gandalf”. Bill Gates must be a fan.
• Hmm, the movie could’ve ended rather prematurely there. Bilbo: “We don’t want anymore visitors, well-wishers, or distant relations!” Gandalf: “Oh! I’m terribly sorry.” *leaves* THE END
• Bilbo must be really drunk. He stands up and gives perhaps the most staggering, incoherent speech in Middle-Earth since that one time when Celeborn was asked to dedicate a new water theme-park at the Grey Havens.
• The cameraman must be a wraith! He can see Biblo with the ring on, and follow his movements. Look out behind you, Bilbo!
• “I’m not trying to rob you! I’m trying to help you.” Spoken like a true used-car salesman. Look at these low prices! Gandalf must be crazy!
• Boo! There’s Sauron. Remember him? He’s an eye now! Who would’ve thought?! Ya know how pirates always have one eye missing? Well this pirate has lost everything *except* one eye. That’s hardcore! Sauron The Eye says: Hands off me ring, old man, yarrr!
• Frodo: “I don’t understand.” Gandalf: “Neither do I.” See? It’s just like real life. No one has a single clue as to what’s going on!
• Poor Gandalf has so much faith in Saruman. “He’ll know what to do.” Yeah, like JOIN SAURON!
• After the first door slams shut, Gandalf must have thought that the wind did it, and not because Saruman might just be wanting him to stay for tea. It takes four or five doors before Gandalf gets the picture. A little slow there, I think.
• Pippin: “He’s over there. Frodo Baggins.” Well, Frodo had a secret identity for all of FIVE MINUTES. Way to go, Pippin.
• Nazgul lose cool-points for trying to outrun the river by fleeing DOWNSTREAM.
• There were some wicked drugs in that Morgul blade. Frodo is totally trippin’. He even thinks Elrond looks like Agent Smith!
• Elrond Half-Elven is also Elrond-Hairline-Receeded. Must be his human blood.
• Once again, we are treated to a variety of looks, this time for Rivendell. Boromir’s look says: “Did I take a wrong turn?” Legolas says: “If anyone of these elves is prettier than me, I’ll tear them apart!” and Gimli says: “Well, I’m here. Whop-dee-do. Can I go home now?”
• Boromir: “This is Isildur’s heir?” and Legolas reveals himself as Aragorn’s first and foremost fanboy. “He’s heir to the throne of Gondor, human. You best RECOGNIZE!”
• Aragorn: “You have my sword” Legolas: “And you have my bow” Gimli: “And my axe” (whips out electric guitar) Sam: “And my plain hobbit sense” Pippin and Merry: “And our witty comedy” Boromir: “And my angst” Way to contribute, Boromir.

Disc II
 

• As the Fellowship travels, you can see Pippin almost bouncing as he walks. I bet he’s singing some really annoying song. “99 rings of power on the ground, 99 rings of power, pick one up, to twist and corrupt, 98 rings of power on the ground! Come on, everybody!”
• When the nine companions crest the hill in grand fashion, I always imagine Boromir tripping at the end, and causing everyone else to fall down with him… in slow motion… with the dramatic music still playing.
• Gandalf employs the most liberal use of the word “pass” I have ever encountered. According to wizards, a pass is the peak of the tallest mountain in sight. Go figure.
• Oooo, Boromir has the ring. The tension in the Fellowship is palpable. Aragorn’s ready to give Boromir a haircut he’ll never forget.
• After Legolas walks effortlessly up the snowy path, I always expect him to then snowboard down. Arrogant elves.
• Legolas: “Goblins.” No my dear Leggy, that’s an arrow. Goblins are green and not so pointy. Why are the pretty ones always so dumb...
• I love it that Gandalf bangs his staff on the ground twice, because the first time the light doesn’t turn on all the way. Magic is like technology, sometimes a good hit or two is all you need to get things working.
• Near the mine-shaft, Pippin *so* saves Merry from falling, but does Merry say thank-you? No! Then he chastises Pippin about tripping on the stairs. You’re a jerk, Merry.
• Legolas: “We must move on. We cannot linger.” The redundancy of these statements leads me to conclude that Legolas is in love with his own voice. Looking at Aragorn, I think he agrees with me.
• Gandalf: “To the bridge of Khazad-dum!” That’s the orchestra’s cue, you see?
• I don’t buy the argument that the lack of handrails in Moria is due to the Dwarves’ lower center of gravity. There were serious cuts-backs in Moria’s safety budget. I hate bureaucracies.
• Legolas will now demonstrate the newest elven innovation: Goblin-Seeking Arrows. It’s the elf-version of the cruise missile. Leggy is high-tech
• Gandalf takes a dive. Judges?... 5.9, 5.9, 5.9, 5.9, and a 3.5? I think the goblin judge is biased.
• Haldir may be incredibly heterosexual… but I’m not so sure about that elf on his right.
• When Boromir tripped, he should’ve rolled down the hill all the way to the riverbank, cursing the whole time: “Ow! D’oh! Sonofa-! Ack! Ooof!”
• One might think that Aragorn refuses the One Ring out of strength of will, but really it’s because he already has a ring on his own… and he likes his better.
• Right after Aragorn salutes the Uruk-Hai taskforce, I want him to raise his blade high and shout: BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL! Male Choir: “He-Man!”
• Only Lurtz was smart enough to bring a bow. This is why he’s the leader.
• Forget the Energizer! Boromir just keeps going (*twack*) and going (*twack*) and going (*twack*… *thump*)… never mind.
• Lurtz makes the crucial mistake of forgetting that bows are long-range weapons. Aragorn sees to it that he pays for this error.
• Sam gets 100 points for being persistent and -1000 points for nearly drowning himself.
• Instead of giving Boromir a proper burial, Aragorn thinks it’s much funnier to steal his gauntlets, hurl his corpse into the river, and let it go over the waterfall to get smashed onto the rocks below. You’re one sick man, Mr. SonofArathorn.
• Aragorn: “Frodo’s fate is no longer in our hands.” Well, the King’s thrown in the towel. We’re fast running out of heroes.
• Gimli is ecstatic about hunting orcs. This is his purpose in life.

May it be an evening star

Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

Mornië utúlië (Quenya: Darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornië alantië (Quenya: Darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadow's call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome

You may rise to find the sun
Mornië utúlië (Quenya: Darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornië alantië (Quenya: Darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now
A promise lives within you now

-Enya~May It Be-

Researchers in the Säo Paulo University's Physics Department have successfully connected a group of 11 neurons from a blue crab's mouth parts to a computer, allowing them to control the movements of the crabs mouth parts via electrical signals.

By learning more about how to replicate the function of the crustaceans' neurons, the researchers hope to be able to someday build a giant, samba-dancing, capoira-kicking robotic crab walker with which to impose a Brazilian dominance over the entirety of mankind.

Or they want to build prosthetic arms for humans; I forget which.

When you give teenagers a bunch of Lego, nine times out of ten your going to end up with a leaky Lego-bong that they try to seal up with the shellac from the garage, and you're going to have to take them to the hospital after they inhale still-toxic-even-if-water-filtered fumes. But on that tenth time, they're instead going to create a combination Xbox and Super Nintendo -- the SNEX box, they will call it -- and post those pictures to the internet. Is it the best case mod ever? Well, no, not really, but at least they aren't hepped up on the goofballs.