Monday, April 05, 2004

10-Year Anniversary - Curt Cobain

So it was ten years ago Curt Cobain died. At the time did I really know who he was? The most I knew was that Nirvana was the weird video that always seemed to come on after my favorite one, No Rain by Blind Melon. There was a little Klu Klux Klan girl jumping to reach hearts hanging on a tree. And even then I could see the pain in Curt's eyes. Something in his hazel-flecked eyes spoke of a deep-rooted pain I hadn't quite seen until then. I remember going into school that week and seeing kids walking around dressed in black, or with Nirvana or Cobain t-shirts on. I remember one girl in particular, Jen Renaud. She came into school with her hair draped over her face like a mourning veil. It struck me how affected some people really were by this. At the time I wasn't a Nirvana fan. For the next five years I really wasn't a Nirvana fan. It wasn't until I met Andrew Apostolopolous that I had any interest in Nirvana at all. The only song I really knew up until then was "Lithium," and that was because my brother had played it for me. I never knew until recently that Cobain's body was found the morning of my birthday, April 8. 1994 - 10 years ago. 10 years has gone so fast, yet not so.

Someone make the snow stop...please.
Sometimes it just hurts.
You feel like there's nothing you can do to take the ache in your heart away. And at the end of the day you're alone with your thoughts. If your life seems like a movie sometimes, you'd wish you'd get over the arc already and hit a happy ending, or any kind of ending for that matter. Some nights you wonder how you can go on another day. But then you remind yourself that one day you will say: the sweet is never as sweet without the sour.

I pray on Christmas
Oh, the sick will soon be strong
I pray on Christmas
The Lord will hear my song

I pray on Christmas
That God will lead the way
And I pray, I really pray on Christmas
He'll get me through another day
-Harry Connick Jr.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Well I finally got to see The Ladykillers. Go Tom Hanks GO. It was quite an interesting film, very odd-but I enjoyed it just the same. So a new week is about to begin and hopefully this weekend has prepared me for it. Things only get more difficult from here on in. At least it's a short week because we have off for Good Friday. Wish we had off that Monday too. I've decided to go home for Easter this year, and spend it with my sister's family, and her husband's as well. I just talked to her a few days ago and apparently it's time for one of those big "Uncle" talks.

My nephew sort of idolizes me, which is quite odd because I find I'm catching myself more often around him and trying to set as good an example as I can. Not to seem conceited in any form, but when he starts to name articles of clothing like "Petie-Pants, Petie-Shirts, Petie-Hats, Petie-Glasses..." Ok you get the idea...so I'm not imagining things here. So the situation goes something like this: I've played baseball and football. My nephew has played baseball for a few years and loves it, but he also wanted to play football like me too. A lot of his friends are going out for football now too so he was really excited for it too. He's big for his age, height-wise. He's not a portly kid or anything at all. Nothing of the sort. So weighed in at the doctor recently he was about 87lbs. At the tryout/signup place he weighed in as 94. So they won't let him play in that bracket. He'd have to be bumped to an upper bracket with kids a year to three years older than him in Pee Wee. Now a big thing of him playing in his own age bracket is that a his friend's father is coaching a team, and would have made sure to get him on his team. He would have looked out for him and taught him the ropes. The most appalling thing though was the guy who was at the sign in desk. WHen he met my nephew he shook his hand and said "Well it looks like we're going to have to work off some of those pounds." If I were there I would have beat the hell from that asshole. I've been through sports programs all of my life, and I understand how testosterone-ridden they are. What that man said had no place at all in that situation. This is first year football for children. My nephew rarely gets upset, but he was crying that night I was told. He's very distraught over the whole situation because he feels like he's being penalized for his weight, which in reality is not an issue at all. So my sister has asked me to have a chat with him over break and I've been thinking a lot lately on what to say to him. My sister made the right decision in not letting him play. I don't want him playing and having a bad experience either. At this point it's for fun, not for competition. Men who live vicariously through little 9 year olds are sad human beings who never made it themselves. It's definitely been something that's been taxing on my conscience lately...

Otherwise is was a pretty decent weekend. I wish it'd stop flurrying and we'd get the 60-degree weather back here. Please... I turn 22 this Thursday-April 8. 22... 21 went fast. It was anticlimactic too lol. 22 will just be another year I guess. I guess I'm just more concerned with other peoples' problems lately that I haven't even given much thought to my own birthday.

Time to cook up some dinner, and then I think it's time to spend some time with Forrest Gump.

old, bad eyes, almighty fear
the shepherd won't leave me alone
he's in my face and I
the shepherd of my days
and I want you here by my heart
and my head, I can't start till I'm dead

here I am locking horns with the stallion
failing to hold my head up, I'll go back again
pillar of davidson feeling
too hard to go down
cheaper than all souls he will walk upon
deeper and deeper in love
so I hold my head up
cheaper than all souls he will walk upon
pillar of davidson
feeling too hard to go down