Thursday, September 02, 2004

This was funny as hell.

The Foundations Of The Ladder

Now I don't mean to get off on a rant here but...

I keep hearing lots of guys lately talking about one night stands. These guys who are like 'Yeah I had so many one night stands.' That shit isn't a boast, it's a cry for help. It's like, dude, if that shit was REALLY fun and that good you would have stayed with her and not needed to pick up another lady. By boasting , you're saying 'LOOK HOW I HAVE TO KEEP DOING THIS OVER AND OVER BECAUSE I AM NEVER SATISFIED BY IT!' Talk about being addicted to a behavior which clearly doesn't solve your problems and creates lots of problems for bitches dumb enough to go with you. Dicks.

The difference between me and a player is, players are guys who got hurt and now they're like "Well, SHE hurt me (way back when) so now YOU'RE going to pay for it, ho."
But me, I'm like
"Well, she hurt me (way back when) so I know how crappy it feels and I DON'T want to make anyone feel like that."

I'm a kind-hearted motherfucker that way. :P

But on the other hand, players aren't the one-dimensional predators that they often are seen as. I think they have valuable lessons to teach us. Such lessons as, 'rejection isn't shit,' and 'let the person know early on that you are interested in them as more than just a friend, so you don't waste months of your dumb life.' These are lessons both men and women can benefit from!

Also, in a way, pick-up artists are saying what feminists have been saying for a long time: that women have a sex drive equal to men, and that the 'promiscuous girls are sluts / but guys are awesome players' sexual double standard hurts everyone.

Obviously it hurts the women. But every guy that has felt teased or manipulated, chances are HE'S a victim too. Because women can't directly come out and say they want sex, but their bodies are pretty much demanding it, THAT'S why a lot of women do all this coy bullshit you hear so many guys going mad over. They're caught in a soul-crushing lifelong conundrum and they have to finesse it by all sorts of circumlocutions, manipulations, distortions and also the old standby: lying to themselves.

And a lot of the fine 'pick up girls' literature has to do with basically convincing the woman that -- look, stop lying to yourself AND me. You are as horny as a guy. You can either admit it and have awesome sex, or you can keep being under the repressive thumb of this sexist double standard forever. Which is more fun?

But I still can't get past understanding the 'YOU BITCHES ARE ALL LIARS AND I'LL SHOW YOU, I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!!!' sociopathic bitterness though. Some guys are mad wacked.

Yep. *End of rant.*

Just testing something out here:


Oh Japan you are still so f'ed up.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v388/PetiePal/1.jpg

The're a big industry. They're basically pole-laying games, I uh mean role-playing games. Your character tries to seduce various pixellated females, by clicking 'choose your own adventure' style choices in a text-based format. And if you 'win', then you can see a bad animation of some coitus!

But -as if this wasn't nerdy enough- somehow someone found the way to make it even MORE spastic. Welcome to the world of PORNO GAME CHEAT CODES! welcome to REBEL 100.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v388/PetiePal/2.jpg

Apparently for some guys, not only is it too difficult to have sex with living human females, it's ALSO TOO DIFFICULT TO SCORE WITH THEM IN X-RATED VIDEOGAMES TOO.
Herin lies the concept behind rebel 100: guys are getting turned down by PORN.
Is this lower than anything you have concieved of in your miserable life?

Yes. Yes it is.
But REBEL 100 tackles this problem with aplomb!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v388/PetiePal/3.jpg

Instead of trying to sweet-talk Blue Bikini Yelling girl here, all you have to do is enter 83-0A001F. Instead of spending hours trying to get her to love you by pressing the 'sweet talk' button and the 'baby you have nice eyes and your personality is appealing.' button and the 'no really, you're the only girl I like' button, you can just hit 171>370-E703 and she's yours.

Or you could just buy the REGULAR kind of porn, the kind that just starts with coitus to begin with.

But where's the challenge in that?


Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Monday, August 30, 2004

Hilarious "How-To" turn your XBox into a Linux machine

There was recently this hilarious thread online I was a part of. It was like a virtual online dating-game, where questions were asked and you had to come up with the best answers. Here's some snippets:

Q: I decide not to go out with you. Give me two reasons to change my mind.
C1: A .45 and a shovel
C2: I concur
C3: A .9 and a wood chip

Q: How do you kiss?
C1: All over
C2: I eat your face and then I lay eggs in your esophagus.
C3: I don't know I haven't had much practice just on my grandma.

Q: Tell me something about yourself that might prevent me from picking you.
C1: My personality is too infectious!
C2: I like to hit women during sex and not during sex.
C3: I'm a lumberjack.

Q: You come over to clean my pool. Then I invite you in for a glass of water. Then what?
C1: You bend over and tease me. Then we clear off the table and make luv.
C2: I knock you out and take your stereo.
C3: An 8 ball and some milk.

Q: Forty-four percent of women would rather _______ than have sex.
C1: Go to www.goatsex.com
C2: Suck cock
C3: Try to escape from my basement

Q: What's the first thing that comes into your mind when I say PMS?
C1: Make you dinner.
C2: Not good.
C3: RIVER OF BLOOD GET THE FUCK OUT WHILE YOU CAN!

hehehe

Soldier of Misfortune - Go into battle equipped with defective grenades, jammed guns, and a compass which always points east.