Tuesday, December 14, 2004

"Hello, you've reached Arnold's pizza shop. I'm not here right now I'm out killing pepperoni. If you want to reach me, if you want a pizza-I don't care! can't you realize that idiot! But if you need a pizza sometime during the next few days, I can have it delivered to you, or maybe I will staple it to you. I don't care what you want on it, every pizza comes with pepperoni and 9mm bullets on it. If you don't like it, I don't care 'cause you'll receive one anyhow. The only difference is maybe the 9mm bullets will in a gun on maybe on your pizza. If you don't **** around I'll give you good pizza. If you do **** around I'll take a pepperoni and punch it through your head. So if you want mushroom shut up. If you want broccoli, what the hell is broccoli anyway?! Shut up with the broccoli. If you want something crazy like pineapple I'll kill you! If you like pepperoni and bullets you've come to the right place! If not you're an idiot, you deserve to die! So leave your name, number, serial number, how tall you are, whether you're suceptible to any diseases. And if you are I'll come over, maybe I'll give you a pizza, maybe I'll break off your arm."

Monday, December 13, 2004

"The clock is ticking, brothers and sisters. Counting down to Armageddon. The worm reveals itself in many guises across this once-great land, from the intellectual elite, cruely indoctrinating our children with the savage blasphemy of Darwin, to the craven Hollywood pagans corrupting them in the darkness of the local bijou. From the false prophets cowering behind our nation's pulpits, to the vile parasites in our banks and boardrooms, and the godless politicians, growing fat on the misery of their constituants. The signs of the end-times are all around us, etched in blood and fire by the left hand of G-d. You have but to open your eyes, brothers and sisters. The truth is, that the Devil is here! The anitchrist, the child of lies, the son of Darkness, walks among us cloaked in the flesh of a man. Does the Lord not weep at this degredation? Does he not tremble with righteous fury? And shall he not seek retribution? I open my eyes, and I see a black sky that tears apart and screams with the voice that is thunder! Rise up! Rise up brothers and sisters, and take your place at my side! For you shall be my sign, and your faith shall shine like a thousand suns, and the streets shall be sanctified with the steaming black blood of the heretics! And together, brothers and sisters, together we shall build a shining temple. The kingdom that will last for thousands and thousands of years." -Carnivale