'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat

The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude.
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.

Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied its bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.

That was some brothel, he said with a smile,
The reindeer are pooped, I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.

This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, The best thing about sex
is that it never wears out!



Merry Christmas Everyone.

"Hello, you've reached Arnold's pizza shop. I'm not here right now I'm out killing pepperoni. If you want to reach me, if you want a pizza-I don't care! can't you realize that idiot! But if you need a pizza sometime during the next few days, I can have it delivered to you, or maybe I will staple it to you. I don't care what you want on it, every pizza comes with pepperoni and 9mm bullets on it. If you don't like it, I don't care 'cause you'll receive one anyhow. The only difference is maybe the 9mm bullets will in a gun on maybe on your pizza. If you don't **** around I'll give you good pizza. If you do **** around I'll take a pepperoni and punch it through your head. So if you want mushroom shut up. If you want broccoli, what the hell is broccoli anyway?! Shut up with the broccoli. If you want something crazy like pineapple I'll kill you! If you like pepperoni and bullets you've come to the right place! If not you're an idiot, you deserve to die! So leave your name, number, serial number, how tall you are, whether you're suceptible to any diseases. And if you are I'll come over, maybe I'll give you a pizza, maybe I'll break off your arm."

"The clock is ticking, brothers and sisters. Counting down to Armageddon. The worm reveals itself in many guises across this once-great land, from the intellectual elite, cruely indoctrinating our children with the savage blasphemy of Darwin, to the craven Hollywood pagans corrupting them in the darkness of the local bijou. From the false prophets cowering behind our nation's pulpits, to the vile parasites in our banks and boardrooms, and the godless politicians, growing fat on the misery of their constituants. The signs of the end-times are all around us, etched in blood and fire by the left hand of G-d. You have but to open your eyes, brothers and sisters. The truth is, that the Devil is here! The anitchrist, the child of lies, the son of Darkness, walks among us cloaked in the flesh of a man. Does the Lord not weep at this degredation? Does he not tremble with righteous fury? And shall he not seek retribution? I open my eyes, and I see a black sky that tears apart and screams with the voice that is thunder! Rise up! Rise up brothers and sisters, and take your place at my side! For you shall be my sign, and your faith shall shine like a thousand suns, and the streets shall be sanctified with the steaming black blood of the heretics! And together, brothers and sisters, together we shall build a shining temple. The kingdom that will last for thousands and thousands of years." -Carnivale

A Day In The Life

In Nagasaki they like bukkake
Windows Techno
Splonge is for Splonge!
I used to deal with people like this.

Haven't updated in awhile...thought tonight would be a good time since I'm wide awake and not going to bed anytime soon. Things are pretty good lately...busy and stressful but I can't complain about anything for myself. Other peoples' problems are more taxing than my own as usual. A relative is in the hospital, my brother may be moving to Florida for work and someone very close to me is going through a living hell with her family. It's been a bad December so far. You wish you could help but most often you can't at all. Life isn't perfect, and it's really hurting lately.

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come 'round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come 'round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

So yesterday I posted this away message after seeing Mike Klemens post a similar one:

"Do you still have me on your buddy list, check my away messages, but never say hi?!
Go for it! say helloooo!"

I always wonder, whenever I think of someone who I haven't spoken or seen in a long time, if that person ever thinks or wonders about me as well. The results were interesting. there were a few classes of people who responded.

A.) Online friends who I'd chatted with for some time and occasionally still catch up with. Thank you to all in this group who dropped me an IM. I wonder about you all and hope things are going well on your ends!

B.) People I never converse with anymore, but do wonder about when I see their screen name on my list. It's nice to see who still checks my away messages for

C.) People I have no desire ever to speak to again in my life. There was only one person in this class. A person from three years ago who I am glad every day that they're out of my life. They've not been on my list since that time, and why I would ever remain on their list is positively beyond me. Can you say "living in the past?"

It was an interesting experiment nonetheless. The road trip to Syracuse rocked. Got there around 3:30 Friday, got our stuff moved into Zach & Bekkah's. Took Jess for a tour around campus. It was kind of surreal to be back at SU. I enjoyed my 4 years, but I was definitely glad to get out. College is never what you expect it to be, and for me there was definitely too much I had not wanted it to be. A lot of first steps, and the last two years I never worked so hard in my life for those majors. I realized something that first few hours there. But that realization is not for your eyes :)

As rough as things are, I'm grateful for every step I've taken. Every mistake I've made. Every person I've met, even those who I never want a thing to do with again.

Every longlost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were just falling stars,
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms.
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

So it's my last day of work. Julio's backed up all my files here. I'm not leaving a damn thing on this computer :) I even get to leave a little early today. So yay for Thursday, and today is technically a Friday since I don't have to work tomorrow. It's Halloween this weekend, but more importantly it's road trip time with the girl. I've been looking forward to getting back to visit Syracuse mucho this fall. Haven't been back since I left that last week in May. So many things were different then, and that semester, not to mention graduation, kind of ended with a sour taste in my mouth due to the Red House Embarassment as I've come to call it.

Asa's still up in 'Cuse working at the local Wegman's. (I'm always amused by how they know of mine in Bridgewater, and the newly built but not yet fully operation (hahahah SW) Wegman's in Ocean by my gf. The Red Housers who didn't graduate are still up there-Carl, Kate, Russel, Brandy, Zach, (yes I consider him a full-fledged Red Houser!). Chris Hall is still up there, as well as Kat, Bekkah, Christine, Jenny, Jen, Carlynn. Ok yeah so you get the point, there's a lot of people still up there ;) Work has kept me so busy this fall that I haven't had a chance to get up until now. I can't wait. This is going to be an awesome weekend. Kate's having a confirmed Halloween Costume party so we've even got definite plans. It'll be good to drop in on the old boss too and demand my reccomendation letter :D And Cosmo's wings...dear Lord thank you for that sweet, sweet nectar of life. Gotta work on my costume tonight...if it's ever going to be ready! :D Details to follow after the weekend jump :)

I came across this on the internet today and thought it was mucho cool. A lego robot that's programmed to play the first level of Mario Bros. for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Mad geeks? Yes! Virgins still? Most likely! You've got to see the vid though...still pretty impressive. These kids should be involved in the Space Program.


I will never stop being amazed by how geeky some people can really be. Check out pics from an online wedding in Star Wars Galaxies, the online MMORPG.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

So today is the day I find out. I've worked the past three years as an intern at American International Group. After my first summer the other interns were all not renewed, and only I was, with a paid raise every year. Sounds like a familiar situation. The same thing happened in college at my work study job. I was going to school full time and working for the Computer Services Group, and after one semester they fired the other two work studies, kept me on and gave me a raise.

My credentials are sparkling as a new graduate, my experience intimidating. Today is the day I find out if I'll get a full-time job with AIG. I don't know what to think, and I'm not daring to hope. If I get it, it will be great and I will be overjoyed. If not life will go on, and I'll travel down a different path if I must. The path is not as important as the goals it leads me to. As a wise and elderly (beyond any human's years) man once said "Even the wise cannot see all ends." Please keep my in your prayers today friends. I'm going to need them and I'm definitely climbing up the walls.

So today is the day I find out. I've worked the past three years as an intern at American International Group. After my first summer the other interns were all not renewed, and only I was, with a paid raise every year. Sounds like a familiar situation. The same thing happened in college at my work study job. I was going to school full time and working for the Computer Services Group, and after one semester they fired the other two work studies, kept me on and gave me a raise.

My credentials are sparkling as a new graduate, my experience intimidating. Today is the day I find out if I'll get a full-time job with AIG. I don't know what to think, and I'm not daring to hope. If I get it, it will be great and I will be overjoyed. If not life will go on, and I'll travel down a different path if I must. The path is not as important as the goals it leads me to. As a wise and elderly (beyond any human's years) man once said "Even the wise cannot see all ends." Please keep my in your prayers today friends. I'm going to need them and I'm definitely climbing up the walls.

I get up at seven, yeah
And I go to work at nine
I got no time for livin’
Yes, I’m workin’ all the time

It seems to me
I could live my life
A lot better than I think I am
I guess that’s why they call me
They call me the workin’ man

They call me the workin’ man
I guess that’s what I am

I get home at five o’clock
And I take myself out a nice, cold beer
Always seem to be wond’rin’
Why there’s nothin’ goin’ down here

It seems to me
I could live my life
A lot better than I think I am
I guess that’s why they call me
They call me the workin’ man

They call me the workin’ man
I guess that’s what I am

Well they call me the workin’ man
I guess that’s what I am

Rush - Working Man

So many people looking for happiness
Expecting more of a brighter day
You’d sell your soul running from loneliness
Instead of giving yourself away

When you walking in the sky
Heaven’s holding hands with you
So you better learn to fly
Before you’re falling through
Cause I’m walking in the sky
Heaven’s holding hands with me
Now I think I’ve learned to fly
I’m happy just to be

You guide me here asking the question why
I used to close every open door
I’ll find the sun even on cloudy skies
I have my time and I don’t need more

When you walking in the sky
Heaven’s holding hands with you
So you better learn to fly
Before you’re falling through
Cause I’m walking in the sky
Heaven’s holding hands with me
Now I think I’ve learn to fly
I’m happy just to be
I’m happy just to be
Cause I’m walking in the sky
Now I think I’ve learn to fly

Lots of posts today! New news from the world of Nintendo DS...(Dual Screen) the new Gameboy-esque system due out for Christmas. It will have two screens to play games on offering a myriad of new interesting, puzzling, and unfortunately some retarded new games.

I've just read about one of the first launching titles-Super Mario World 64 DS.

In this remake of the N64 classic, you run around with up to three other players and collect stars and golden coins strewn about the level, the very same coins which also littered every Mario Brothers adventure since the original. This disturbs me greatly. Somewhere deep in the Mushroom Kingdom, there lives an elderly man. He has paid into social security throughout the entirety of his 35 year career as a pipe sweeper, and after his sight was lost in the freak fireball incident which ended that career, his very survival has relied on an envelope full of coins which the Kingdom mails him monthly. Every month he undertakes that dangerous trek across the kingdom to the post office, and every month he unknowingly loses 90% of those coins on the way home through the hole in his pocket. He is only able to afford the most basic of ramen turtle soups, and was forced to move out of the sturdy question-mark lined house which he grew up in and into a tiny brick apartment that breaks apart at the slightest bump. This man lives in squallor just a heartbeat away from death, and we only have our own greed to blame.

Damn you Nintendo. Stop hurting the elderly.

One of the lesser topics making waves this election is that of gay marriage, or as it's commonly known, "institutionalized sodomy." I call it a lesser topic because, while gay marriage is an important issue, it simply does not hold a candle to war. War is perhaps the most meaningful outlet for the full spectrum of human expression, and we should make it our primary focus always. Way down the list of important topics, right after healthcare and vehicle emissions, is gay marriage. As a straight man belonging to the coveted 18-25-year-old male demographic, I consider myself uniquely qualified to comment on this issue that has nothing to do with me whatsoever.

With upwards of hundreds of gay people living in this country, the issue is sure to be a major factor in the election, especially since both candidates pretty much said, "no way José!" On the plus side, if you are gay and Dick Cheney's daughter, you can rest assure that your father loves you. He always will, okay? Unless gay people are also magical, it looks like homosexual marriage is destined to remain as illegal as crime, which is a pretty bad thing I'm told. And, if gay people are indeed magical, it might be necessary for another series of witch trials for the safety of everyone. This all might seem unfair, but we do live in an unfair society. If you think gay rights are limited, just look at what the terrorists have to put up with. Their rights are virtually nonexistent, and with such hatred directed towards them it's no wonder they want to blow us up.

The age-old reasoning as to why gay marriage is a crime against nature is that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin, not unlike beating the Pope to death with a truncheon. Somewhere in our Good Book, sandwiched in-between the all-encompassing madness, is a line that says it is unconstitutional for a man to marry another man. This is reinforced by the story of Noah's aircraft carrier. Noah managed to fit two of every animal into a Nimitz class supercarrier and navigate around a flooded earth, evading time storms and Japanese Zeros. When the waters subsided, the earth was repopulated with the animals he sheltered. Had he not picked both a male and female of every one of the millions of animal and insect species he saved, there would have been no reproduction. Thanks to this and inbreeding we are living in a healthy and densely populated world. No thanks to you, gay culture!!!

Times have changed and the world is no longer recovering from a flood. People are plentiful and thusly homosexuality is a viable alternative for those seeking adventure in territories with geography similar to their own. Religion, being inarguably separate from the state these days, is no longer a valid justification for outlawing anything. So what's the real reason behind the Wild West style stance against homosexual marriage? Simply put, it's a lack of understanding on both sides of the fence. To truly understand an issue, one has to do research. That's not an easy task, and gay people need to understand this.

For example, in order to properly research this article, I would have to marry another man. I simply cannot do that, not just because it's illegal, but because I am secretly attracted to women and lust for my gf nonstop. This creates a catch-22, because in order for politicians to understand and legalize gay marriage, they would have to marry a member of the same sex, which is illegal. Do homosexuals really want elected officials to commit crimes on their behalf? Although politicians are by nature corrupt and often criminal, we generally ask them not to be as a courtesy. That's what this issue is really about: courtesy.

Homosexuals are not being courteous to the people they elected!

So in summary: gay marriage is technically impossible. Seriously, I've proven this beyond the shadow of a doubt with science and science's older brother – logic. You can check my work again if you don't believe me, but the results will still come out the same. I'm not trying to rain on anybody's pride parade here; I'm just trying to be honest. I have no vendetta against homosexuals and I'm all for equality, even though gay people did steal rainbows and unicorns away from us. What we have here is a case of logic being the real monster and oppressor.

So if it's impossible for us to legalize gay marriage instead of making it punishable by imprisonment as it is now, what can we do to satisfy gay people in a non-sexual manner? For starters, why not expand that school voucher program? I have no idea what the holy hell a school voucher is, but it sure sounds nice. Why not give them to gay people as a sort of consolation prize? I have no qualms being bought off, so I would jump at an opportunity like this if I were gay. And marriage, being the relationship equivalent of the Titanic, is only going to end in a lot of homosexuals with broken hearts and hurt feelings. These days the very concept of marriage is worth about as much as a bushel of spoiled ham that somebody threw up on. Besides, if stereotypes teach us anything, it's that all men are pigs and all women are sluts. That fact pretty much invalidates all forms of marriage by itself.

I'm afraid homosexuality loses this round. They have a solid argument, but it just doesn't hold up against the law, which will never change because of reasons that need not be questioned. Ever. It would be nice if homosexuals could have the same freedoms we do so that they could squander them as we do, but one man's freedom is another man's gays are encroaching on my religious beliefs and God will punish us if this is allowed to pass. In the end, the man who believes he has God on his side wins, because God has heat vision and super strength. Until we figure out a way to defeat God, things are never going to change.

It's Monday morning, I have a headache, and that means it's time for a rant.

A friend sent me this link of one of her younger sister's friends blogs to check out last week...

IcAnBeScArY's Xanga Site

Services like Xanga and DeadJournal that allow people to create blogs for themselves without any actual coding skills have to walk a fine line. On the one hand, they don't want to offer too few customizable options and risk alienating more experienced users. On the other hand, when you give the general public too much freedom, you get shit like this.

In terms of content, IcAnBeScArY's Xanga site isn't anything particularly distressing. Sure, she's got one of those incredibly annoying screen names with the pointlessly alternating capital letters that take forever to type, but in this day and age, that's a minor sin, up there with putting "Xx" before and after your screen name or having a screen name with the word "juggalo" in it. Her actual journal entries are fairly standard bitching and regulation moaning.

"it's sunday about 1:30am and im at krissy's house and ..im bored. break is about over and i have h/w for back-2-school and.. break was actually pretty gay. umm..im havin more chick drama but whats new.. i wish everyone would die cause these stupid problems are nonsense..people need to get over themselves and realize that just because they dont have the same interests as someone doesnt mean theyre different and should be treated different. people need to stop believing rumors too ..those are gay like people who believe em. im tired of this bull..crap so yeah. comment if you want.. im out ((literally)) ..goodnight. ..me"

See? Pointless? Yes. Boring? Sure. Totally without any merit that justifies posting these thoughts on the internet? Absolutely. But still, we've all seen much worse. Where this site really stands out is that it has one of the most questionable design schemes I've ever seen. And when I say "questionable," I'm talking about questions along the lines of "what sort of god would allow this sort of thing?"

Let's begin at the beginning. Opening up this site causes a pop-up window to appear with the all-important message:

MeTaLLiCa RuLeS!

You can click that one away, but a second later another just pops up.

ha DON'T BE HATIN! ha

Uh... huh. Yeah, that's the sort of crap people get killed over.

I would happily make this site the worst page of the decade just for having those two pop-ups. But sadly, that's just the tip of a horribly depressing iceberg. As far as I can tell, the only purpose of the pop-ups, other than to present IcAnBeScArY's stance on "hatin," is to buy the viewer a little more time to fully download the entirety of the page. It takes a while for most browsers to come to terms with the kind of moronic shit this site wants to do. I think I actually heard Internet Explorer whimper as it loaded the site's animated, tiled background that features changing text with such angst-affirming messages as "hate me," "smash me," and "kill me." The first time I opened this site and saw the changing white text over a black background, I had mixed thoughts. On the one hand, I couldn't believe anyone would be stupid enough to actually use an animated background, but on the other hand, as far as animated backgrounds go, this one didn't actually seem that bad. That's when I noticed it wasn't done loading.

Moments later, the true horror of the site revealed itself as the background began flashing, with the text and the solid background alternating between black and white. I was dumbfounded. I had never expected to have to face such a hideous design. I'm not even an arti director or anything. I didn't know what to do. I contemplated having a seizure for a while, as it seemed like a fairly appropriate response, but ended up deciding against it. The real marvel of the flashing background is that while the animated text is always visible, the actual journal entries are written in black, so naturally they don't show up over a black background. That's right, this idiot actually designed her site so that you can only read her content half the time. You have to put in a huge amount of effort just to read enough of her babbling to figure out that she has absolutely nothing of value to say. It's just twisted enough to be some sort of sick psychology experiment, but nobody with enough of a brain to engineer such an experiment would be able to design a site like this without vomiting up his internal organs. The sheer stupidity behind this site's layout obliterates all faith I once had in the essential intelligence of mankind.

As always, thanks a bunch, internet. And to my friend who sent me that link...you might not be hearing from me for some time.

I've had a nasty bias against SC Johnson's Scrubbing Bubbles ever since, as a small child, I discovered that the bubbles do not actually have whisker brush mustaches. I knew even then that they were not likely to be sentient—I wasn't retarded— just like the Kool Aid man was not actually a living, breathing creature, yet the fundaments of his form were still valid, in that he was a pitcher full of sugar water who could be, with enough force, rammed through walls.

So that's just my word of warning: this new Automatic Shower Cleaner ejaculates (yes this is what I think it does) bubbles in every one of 360 different degrees, but not bubbles with scouring bristles. And when you run out of bubble sauce after 21 cleanings, I'm sure they'll be happy to sell you more.

I didn't find out about this until today. Doesn't surprise me THAT much when I really think about it but regardless I'm kind of proud that my campus isn't all liberal hippies. Props to those who protested. It was finally a protest WORTH something.

Protesting Of Michael Moore at Syracuse University

www.moorewatch.com

I love this website. If you're a Michael Moore fan (why you're a fan of a political figure who uses movies that rip you off and help him profit is beyond me) you should definitely visit. I'm so tired of people waxing infinite about Michael Moore. He is a crafty filmmaker, and a good distorter of truth. The Clinton Administration could of used him! :D

I think it's time this week to finally rent Fahrenheit 9/11. It'll be a good pop-corn muncher. At this point I've heard so much about it, it'll be like I've already seen it. Check the site out folks...and stop spouting to me that the NRA and the KKK are closely linked. I don't want to hear that we've got less jobs under Bush, and I'm tired of hearing about how Iraq is this nice suburb where people all get along. Do your research, and if you're going to vote for Kerry, hey that's your right. But don't be stupid and vote because you saw a movie that TOLD you reasons you should. Not all that glitters is gold...

On a similarly interesting note Michael Moore Hates America due out in theaters soon! Hoo-ha! Gotta pick up that book though, Michael Moore Is A Big Fat Stupid White Man. Heh heh. Isn't media great!?

Wow...Christopher Reeves 52...he's passed :( It's so sad! He was such a source of inspiration for thousands of people and the work that he had been spearheading was really amazing. I hope they continue the work they'd be on lately. Reeve for the past year has been able to breath for 6 hours alone with the help of implants they had invented. We'll all soon be Darth Vader's eh?

Interesting weekend. New week, more work, more stress. Blah. Getting to it.

eBay is amazing. No really. After almost a week at a $650.00 minimum initial bid, and about 14 questions from bidders later, the last 2 hours of my auction have arrived, and things are getting hot. Within an hour 10 bids alone. We're upto $736.75, and there's a big happy hat on my head right now. I hoped to get at least $700 and at this rate it's going to top $800 in no time. Oh happy Friday!

I'm a regular poster on the Fark.com Photoshop contests. There are a bunch of pictures that regularly show up that we dub as "cliches." For instance Admiral Ackbar of the Mon Calamari has been incessantly used. Whenever a theme is listed that can in any way be rhymed with "It's a trap," 100 people always do it. There are a few other amusing ones like this big fat guy who dumped a huge tub of mustard all over himself. Besides Ackbar the most used one are these lame-o's, the Icy Hot Stuntaz. Man...get out of my race lol.

Payday!

Back to work after an interesting weekend. Friday I got off work a little early and headed immediately to Jess's at Monmouth U. Friday was her good friend Alyssa's birthday so we drank up that night and I got to meet/hang with more of her friends. After a rocky start (due to some sketch friends of one of the roomate's) we booted their asses and let the good times roll. Bacardi Razz and Pink Lemonade were the drink choices of the night, and with good cause. Just about everyone (except me ::sigh::) was smashed. Lots of pictures up from the weekend to those of you priveleged enough to have the info :P

Saturday Jess didn't have to work at the Gap cuz they cut her hours, which in a way was very good. We slept in and didn't get up till after noon. Thank God cuz I was running on empty after a few sleepless/sleep-deprived nights this past week. Went to brunch with Jess and her neighbor Lauren at THE AMERICANA (love our ghetto Jersey diners, they rock the Casbah) and then it decided to pour. Jess came back to Bridgewater with me and we went over Jesse's to watch college football and play some cards. That new Dominoe's "Doublemelt" pizza is mucho tasty, and most of you know how I dislike Dnoe's to begin with so it had to be pretty decent.

Sunday was Spooky Brook golf...18 holes, Jesse, Amar, Scott and I. We all did fairly well. I shot a 114 which is better than my 119 my first time out. I felt like I had a bad day despite my score improvement. I think I was just exhausted.

On a high (and low) point my parents left early Sunday morning. They started the drive back down to Florida where they'll be for the next 6 weeks. I started getting those sad "twinges" about last Thursday. This is really the first time I've ever lived completely alone. I mean not counting when they went to Italy a few years back for their anniversary. I was alone for 2 weeks, but 2 weeks and a few months differ some. In college I always had a roomate, or people around. Granted freshman year it was a drug dealer, lol, and then I had 1 1/4 semesters alone after he got kicked out, friends were always over etc. I hope it's that way with this too. In the Red House there was hardly a moment when you were alone. 15 roomates will do that lol. It's so quiet though...I hope I don't start talking to myself! If I do...you'll all be the first to know. Mom was so worried too it was pretty funny. She's telling me things that I'd have known if I'd only lived at my house for a few weeks as opposed to 20 years of my life :P

So it's back to the work week, a little tired, ready to go back to bed...and it's getting much colder much quicker. Seems like it's been getting darker MUCH quick all of a sudden. Then I remind myself it IS October now...and next month will be November! Better start compiling a Christmas Shopping list :D Also my ebay posting actually has a bidder so I'll be richer soon yay.


Dell D600 Laptop

It's like brand new...almost nothing installed on it except like Google Toolbar and Service Pack 2 lol. I started the bidding at $650.00 and it's got 4 watchers...so I hopefully as the last 4 days tick down the bidding will begin to get fierce. eBay is not a progressive thing, it's a rushatthelastsecondandwhoeverhascablemodemorfaster wins thing. So let's hope it crests $750.00...I need the $. :)

Here's a pic of Jess and I from last Saturday at Rent.

Kerry On Iraq

God this guy really is an idiot. MAYBE if he actually said something concrete instead of jumping over the fence over and over again, people would be more supportive of his bland ass.

Did I not saw www.woot.com was the best? Today they offer the 40GB 4th Gen iPod (Clickwheel version just like I have) for $349.99 which is $40 cheaper than the cheapest one on the internet,(National Imaging's $389.99). Woot.com rocks my world. 2:21 already...please this day must end soon. My brain is feeling tired. This is a rare occurance but it needs to be remedied!

This one's for Kathy. Jersey Ghetto 4 Eva

Blundercats Ho! These are actual outtakes from Thundercats dialogue. You have to hear them lol.

Ok this is kinda sad. Rednecks need to chill out. Just because your favorite alcohol is being lowered from 86 proof to 80 doesn't mean you need to start a crusade. ::sigh::

Ok so daily I visit a site called w00t. www.woot.com Go there daily and you too will see its magic. They sell technology, hardware, gadgets and gizmos at extremely discounted prices. They only offer one item a day, and it changes every day. This entry for today was hysterical.

Random Crap Episode II: Attack of the Pucks
$1.00 + $5 Shipping and Handling

It's time once again to lower your expectations and shell out your hard earned money for utter crap! Order one, two or three random items of crappy value stuffed into or along with one genuine Iomega zippered accessory bag. This quality nylon bag is 9.75W x 9H x 2.5D with a mesh zippered pocket on one side, a set of velcro straps (cell phone sized) on the other and even two more meshy pockets with fancy elastic edges. The answer to your obvious question is Yes - this bag will hold your new Star Wars DVDs (once you remove the crap we put in there).

Bag O' Crap Rules:
Thou shalt not expect the world from your crap.
Thou shalt expect some people might get nicer crap than you.
Thou shalt consider if it is better to go through life without our crap.
Thou shalt decide on thy own the quantity of crap you desire.
Thou shalt move on, these are not the droids you're looking for.
Thou shalt consider the empty bag worth $3 + $5 shipping, ... otherwise this might seem like gambling.

Thanks for the continued success of woot! Cheers! - the woot team Free Secret Hint: Unless you are down to your last 6 or 7 bucks and need to save a buck for taco bell, we'd suggest taking advantage of our per-order freight and getting the entire $8, crap-trilogy shipped to your door. We will, however, ship you less than 3 if you order less than 3. And we won't be able to adjust your order, so pay attention (ok, use the force, Luke).

Even More Disclaimers: This is a bag of average to potentially below-average usage possibilities. Even if you are easily pleased, you should lower your expectations and go into this expecting utter crap. If you can't afford to waste money on a bag-o-crap, please do not.

That last bit had be laughing for a good 5 mins :)

OOh and btw it's official Conan O'Brien will take Jay Leno's position on The Tonight Show in 2009.

Awesome weekend. Friday went out to dinner at Houlihan's with Jesse, Tara, Amar, Kevin, Scott and Pete Dixon. (I always feel compelled to tack on the "Dixon" so people don't think I'm talking about myself in the third person :) We saw 'Shaun of the Dead' afterwards at Reading, and it was as hilarious as I've heard. Not your typical zombie-movie. Props to the British for coming out with a good winner...28 Days Later blew monkey chunks.

Jess stayed over Friday night because her, Jesse, Tara and I went to go see Rent in NYC Saturday. It was great seeing the "real" Rent. I'd seen the travelling one starring our very own Syracuse queer www.briangligor.com. Nick Lache's younger bro played Mark and he did a fairly decent job. I was most impressed with the actors/actresses who played Tom Collins, Mimi, Maureen, and the obligatory big african american woman for the deep, throaty, Arethra Franklin vocals. Excellent show, and a huge reccomendation from me.

We went out for dinner at the Times Square Brewery where I had the best Turkey sandwich of my life. Apple-smoked bacon. To-die-for. Had two beers they called the Dunkel. Delicious. Ended up going down to Little Italy and saw the hectic bustle of the San Genero festival. Picked up a pound of torrone which I'd been dying to have for like over a few years now. Then we all headed home early since Jesse and Tara had to go to a family reunion of Tara's on Sunday. Had Jess stay over again because I didn't want her to leave lol, and we relaxed most of Sunday before going out to dinner with my parents to Johnny Carrino's. Great weekend, and I miss my girl so much already.

In other news my nephew's football team lost vs. Asbury Park but was not blown away like every other team in their league. All those teams got *shut out* but Marc's team held their own 13 to 6. I know they're young and everything but even so it's impressive at that age.

Now another most-likely boring work week to contend with. It really cannot go fast enough. Up this weekend is a birthday party for a friend of Jess's that I met. Amar even dated her lol. That should be interesting. No idea what else the weeked will have in store. Time to go some actual work I guess. Here's a good song :)

Public Enemy - I Can't Do Nothing For Ya Man

Runnin' for your life, by the knife
Runnin' from your wife...yipes!
You should've stuck with home
Your mind to blow your dome
It was you that chose your due
You built a maze you can't get through
I tried to help you all I can
Now I can't do nuttin' for you man

I can't do nuttin' for ya man
You got all these people on your back now
I can't do nuttin' for ya man
Flavor flav got problems of his own
I can't do nuttin' for you man
Go lean on shells answer man
I can't do nuttin' for ya man
You jumped out of the jelly into a jam

Make ya love the wrong instead of right
Not a thief cat burglar through the night
Cop told your girl her name was Shirl
About a rooftop crime to steal her pearls
Oozy down the bullets in the gun
Just microwave themselves a ton
Then you tried to help them all they can
But they couldn't do nuttin' for ya man

I can't do nuttin' for ya man
They couldn't do nuttin' for ya man
Flavor Flav is the sun
Public Enemy number one
Gotcha runnin' from the gun (pow)
Of a brain that weighs a ton
Can't face my facts that's on the shelf
Cause you want a hand out for your wealth
Eatin' welfare turkey out of the can
I can't do nuttin' for ya man

I can't do nuttin' for ya man
You want six dollars for what??!
I can't do nuttin' for ya man
You better man kiss my butt
I can't do nuttin' for ya man
I'm busy tryin' to do for me
I can't do nuttin' for ya man
That's the way the ball bounces gee

Bass for your face, kick that shit
Rock that shit homey!

Paris Hilton looking for love?

"I'd rather have someone with a good heart than some good-looking idiot with no brain, because looks fade and I know that. I know that I'm not going to be good-looking forever," she said. "No one is, so it doesn't matter."

Screw that ho lol. I really reallllllllly dislike that woman. And her sister. They've contributed nothing to society whatsoever. Someone I do have respect for is Prince William. He's actually tried to do things for the community and not just be handed everything in his life. He did a habitat for humanity deal a few years back and contributes a lot to charities. I've never heard of Paris or Nicky doing diddly.

It's Friday!

According to www.humanforsale.com I am worth exactly $2,035,872.00. Anyone care to dispute? Am I worth more? Less? Exactly that amount? Comments most welcome.

Ok this is the funniest eBay post I may have ever seen. It tops all the gross women selling panties, or old 80s toys I wish I had. (Even hasbeen collectibles like Joey Lawrence dolls)

When selling your pen on eBay be sure to mention how fat your ex-wife is.

Not only is 99% of the description about what a horrible person this woman is, he goes on to add like 5 comments continuing the bashing. Worth a look :)

Some quotes that had me on the floor laughing:

"He was great with cars and engines though, so he was destined to go somewhere in life, like Jiffy Lube."

"Bought herself 'implants' of the chest variety AFTER we split. Could not have done this while we were together. One bonus item denied. "

LOL

Want to know why I don't think I'd ever live in Florida even for retirement? This is why. Yup like the 4th straight tropical storm/hurrican headed straight for beloved Fl. The week is half done...thank god. Might be going to see Rent with my girl, Jesse and Tara on Saturday. Hopefully... We'll see. If not the weekend is going to be well-used. Payday tomorrow! W00000000!

Ok I'm very happy about this. It's about time Michael Imperioli got an Emmy for his performance in The Sopranos. He's one of my favorite characters in the show. Especially in Season 5...he continues to impress me with the realism of his acting. He could be one of my cousins lol.

Oh yeah and I was waiting for THIS to happen for years.

"Police seized 17.3 grams of marijuana, eight Xanax pills and 16 round white pills identified by police as clonazepam, a sedative used to treat anxiety and seizures that can be addictive. Police said Culkin told them he did not have a prescription for the pills." Poor Mac Attack.

Pauly Shore Is Dead

No you fanatics calm down. Pauly Shore isn't REALLY dead...but he does have a new movie coming out. I was just talking this week with a friend about how much I really enjoy his movies the more I see them. In The Army, Son-In-Law, Encino Man. Something definitely catchy about him. This movie looks to be funny as hell though. Good to see a B-list star able to make fun of himself. Tons of cameos in this too...other B-listers...Fred Durst, Carrot Top. And some higher celebs, Britney Spears, Vince Vaughn, Jason Mewes, Sean Penn, and the Hilton Sisters. They're screening it for free in NYC...anyone wanna go?

Ok this is a sample from a random story I just started blurting out in an IM convo:

Petie says: I've had friends in your situation before
Petie says: And they're all successful and happy now
Petie says: No one is beyond repair
Petie says: And you're not broken to begin with
Petie says: Maybe just a little scuffed
Petie says: Like when you buy brand new Skechers and some asshole at the movie theater steps on em and smudges it
Petie says: And you're like "YO what the fuck!"
Petie says: And they're like "Sorry dude. That' show I roll"
Petie says: And you deal with it
Petie says: And then eventually you buy even cooler Skechers
Petie says: And beat that loser upside the head with the old ones
Petie says: And that's my little motivational story for the week.
Petie says: Brought to you by the letter "C" for "CrAcK" and the Helena Rubenstein Foundation
Petie says: Oh yeah and by Viewers Like You
Jess says: do you see why I love you?

I apologize that I'm on crack everyone. I'm seeking help.

Ok here's my little movie rant for the month...or maybe the year.

I've seen two really horrible movies I wish I didn't pay for in the past month. Alien vs. Predator, and Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Now for AvP I had high expectations. I've never seen the Predator movies but I know what a huge following they have. The Alien movies rock too...so a movie finally pitting the two against eachother should have been amazing. Fast-forward...it wasn't. Rarely have I been tempted to walk out of a theater...but AvP almost got me there. The worst film I've ever seen was Battlefield Earth...just because you've got Forrest Whitaker, John Travolta, and that sniper dude from Saving Private Ryan, does not mean you have a good movie. At all. Ever. Period. *.* So yeah AvP sucked.

Now Resident Evil 2 I was excited for. I loved the first movie. I've played Resident Evil Zero, 1 and 2. The games are chilling...the first movie was a bit corny but the style was dark and the technology mixed in very well. Now the sequel...pure crap. Cheesey lines, horrible plot, bad acting, and a cast that covers just about EVERY ethnicity out there. For as long as this movie has taken to come out, I was very disappointed. And since Fate did not allow the dream team of Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo to reunite for Super Mario Bros. II, I suppose that I''ll settle for a sweaty Milla Jovovich jogging around an apocalyptic, rainy cityscape shooting zombies. Mindless fluff...but maybe you'll like it better than me. And for the record I think a Super Mario Bros. II movie would rock the Casbah.

Ok first things first...it's September 15, 2004...and in less than 2 hours Electronics Boutique Express in the Bridgewater Commons mall will have my preordered copy of The Sims 2. Needless to say I'm very excited. I don't even know why. I liked the original and can remember getting from school, getting my homework done very astutely, and then playing for a good portion of the night. And boy did the time fly when you played that game. Here's some media for you to chomp on:

And some highlights I found interesting:

"The causality in the game is much more believable. The Sims have much more awareness of things going on around them, of social relationships, of where they are relative to their aspirations."

Q: So if I really mistreat my Sim, does he end up in a clock tower with a sniper rifle?
A: Not quite, but they definitely will go loony. We try to make the failure side more humorous. But at some point, they'll start to see imaginary people; just go totally bonkers. If you give them a screwed-up childhood, they can go in that direction, or they just might develop very particular phobias. They have memories, both good and bad, and they can develop positive or negative associations in connection with those memories that carry through into adulthood.

"The basic needs are coming from Maslow, the personality side is roughly Myers-Briggs, the childhood-to-adult transitions are more Freudian."


And another interesting story:

We're starting to sense a theme in today's People column:Harrison Ford narrowly escaped jury duty this week, and he has the small, incestuous world of entertainment to thank for it.Celebrity Justice says that Ford dodged duty in a Santa Monica, Calif., courtroom when he told the judge that he had a relationship with the defendant, MGM Studio head Alex Yemenidjian. Turns out, Yemenidjian's company helped greenlight Ford's next film project. "It was a big favor," Ford said. When the judge asked if he could remain objective, Ford
answered, "I'm only human."

U2's new album will be called "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb."

Tonight on NBC Siegfried and Roy: The Miracle airs at 9pm EST. I definitely want to see that...it was a very sad tragedy and this will be a "Roy tells it all" account.

And this little tidbit makes me want to vomit:

"Diving heedlessly into a new barrage of sexuality-questioning rumors, Hugh Jackman celebrated his last performance in the Broadway hit The Boy From Oz by giving Matt Damon a lap dance."

Dear Lord Hugh Jackman. Stop jacking off on Damon.

LOL:

"In Shark Tale, bad guys are identified by Italian and Italian-American names, such as Don Lino, Luca, Giuseppe and Gino and by their use of Italian- American phrases of speech and slang, such as "capeesh", "maronne" and "agita". The movie introduces a new generation of children to the idea that people with Italian names -- like millions of Americans across the country -- are gangsters. Shark Tale creates an association between villains and Italian-Americans that will become imprinted in the developing minds of children."

I'm guessing the Columbus crew (the corp. making the claims) is going to be really unhappy when they see the movie's climax, where a frustrated Will Smith fish throws a trashcan through the window of Shark-DeNiro's pizza place.

So I'm Ron Burgundy and that's news. Good night San Fransisco and @(#*@# you!

Ok in lieu of all the terror threats being thrown around (September 11th is Saturday in case you forgot) I've decided to do a special post today on terror and terrorists.

Ever get confused by the Homeland Security Advisory levels? Blue, Red, Orange, Perrywinkle? Here's a handy guide courtesy of me:



Green (Low) - Terrorists are either napping or have taken a vacation to one of the countries in the Axis of Evil.

Blue (Guarded) - Terrorists may attempt to rob a convenience store or drive recklessly on the Garden State Parkway.

Yellow (Elevated) - This is normal, terrorists are roving the streets looking for cars to break into and vandalize. They may be planning to fly hang gliders illegally off of tall buildings or participate in anti-war protests.

Orange (High) - Someone at the Department of Homeland Security just woke up after having a nightmare about the attacks on the World Trade Center and hit the orange alert button. National Guard F-16s have been scrambled to menacingly sonic-boom over population centers.

Red (Severe) - Dark-skinned men were spotted either boarding an airplane or attempting to purchase a firearm at Wal-Mart. You should immediately report to a small pox vaccine center so that the government can insert a tracking microchip into your body.

Yellow and Black Stripes (Danger!) - The Russians have just misplaced another fifty kilograms of weapons grade plutonium that were part of a parade float about nuclear energy in Moscow. Citizens should break out panes of their windows with a revolver and fire wildly out at the street while yelling "Arrrrribbaaaa".
Hot Pink (Fabulous Alert) - Ninjas have kidnapped the president. If you are a bad enough dude to rescue him then you are to proceed immediately to fighting them on top of trains and moving cars.

Psychedelic Colors (Whoah Man, I Can See Time) - The terrorists have deployed chemical or biological weapons against our population. You are advised to shut yourself into your house and die. Please assist corpse recovery units by stripping naked and laying in a bathtub. For those not affected by quarantines you should immediately start rioting while troops in black gas masks watch you from the tops of tanks.

Now onto the actual attacks!

The Department of Homeland Security's system for rating the various terrorist threats isn't really all that complicated but it is of dubious value. My advice is to be prepared for those terrorist attacks that are surely coming, and I don't mean to do something retarded like duct tape your vents. Pete's got the real scoop on how to survive the onslaught of terror in the United States, and because Pete is such a caring and generous guy, he's willing to share these secrets with you.

There are essentially four categories of potential terrorist attacks, and each category can encompass a multitude of different methods for causing terror. Fortunately each of these categories has methods that will address any attack within that category. All you have do is learn how to identify an attack when it's happening, react as I have suggested, and your chances of survival will improve dramatically!

Sample Attacks: Hostage taking, truck and car bombs, suicide bombers, shooting sprees, loud colors, irreverent scuttlebutt, anti-war protests, ramming various vehicles into people/other vehicles/buildings, golems (stone, mud, or crystal), hypnotic break dancing, and Oprah's Book Club.

How to Identify Attacks: Conventional terrorist attacks are almost always preceded by someone yelling in Arabic. If you hear someone yelling in Arabic and it isn't coming from your TV or your "Learn to Scream Arabic" CD then immediately begin following the Survival Tips listed below. Just because you don't hear screaming in Arabic doesn't mean that gunfire is just someone hunting geese in the Israeli airline terminal. Sometimes the terrorists will forget to scream in Arabic or may be mute or shy, which means you need to look for other key identifying features. In the event that you did not hear screaming in Arabic you are advised to look for any of the following:

• A burning United States or Israeli flag.
• Crazy hats.
• Non-Christian facial hair.
• Oprah Winfrey.
• An unmarked truck or van with a lit fuse coming out of the back.
• Signs that profane the name of George W. Bush.

If you see one ore more of these identifying features you should immediately run.

Good luck to you all.

I'm excited about a documentary coming out on DVD. This documentary might be the most touching one I've ever watched before. I tend to love HBO's documentaries...whether it be Pimps Up, Hos Down (LOL), Taxi Cab Confessions, G-String Divas, America Undercover, Autopsy, etc. They're very informative and often very riveting as well. This documentary takes the cake though.

It's called My Flesh And Blood. I saw it first when I was home in May from school. It deals with the Toms, a family of special needs children and their mother Susan Tom who has her own children, and then adopted 11 others. The documentary follows exactly 1 year of their lives. (Interestingly enough Susan wanting filming no longer than 1 year, and the final scene of the documentary occurs on the last day of possible filming) Here's a brief synopsis:

Welcome to the Tom household, where conflicts, never far from the surface, can erupt at any time. Explaining her decision to establish such a large brood, Susan Tom says, "If you can raise five kids, then it's not that far to go with six, and once you get to six, after that the noise level doesn't increase, and you're cooking big anyway. From six to 12 to 13 kids is not that big of a leap."

First-time director Jonathan Karsh left his job at a local TV station to film the Tom family in suburban Fairfield, between San Francisco and Sacramento, over the course of 12 months. Acknowledging that the children's disabilities can initially seem shocking and even hard to watch, he notes, "The first time you see the family you try not to stare. Five minutes later you realize that these are just kids with an amazing amount of confidence, spirit and energy."

The Tom kids openly and naturally deal with challenges and everyday events, from holidays to hospital visits, baths to birthdays, displaying a perseverance that dispels preconceived notions about the limitations of physical challenges.

The family revolves around a kind-hearted, no-nonsense divorced single mother whose birth children left the nest years ago. Her job requires the patience of a saint and the fortitude of a marathon runner, but the rewards are immeasurable, if sometimes heartbreaking. Although Susan Tom expresses desire for a romantic relationship, her family life is so all-consuming that she has not had a date in more than 20 years. She likens the documentary, drawn from more than 160 hours of footage, to "a year of therapy."

MY FLESH AND BLOOD opens with an uproarious Halloween celebration that refutes the stereotype of disabled children as victims, and ends as the family celebrates an unlikely birthday while confronting an enormous loss. Along with Susan Tom, the documentary focuses on five of her children, including:

Joe, 15, who struggles with both cystic fibrosis, a genetic disorder that traps mucus in the lungs, and bipolar disorder. Born to a drug-addicted mother, he must confront psychological challenges and chemical imbalances, at times terrorizing his family, but at other times displaying a tenderer side.

Anthony, 19, who suffers from the painful and degenerative genetic skin disorder epidermolysis bullosa (EB). The gene that produces collagen is defective in EB patients, causing the skin to blister and fall off with the slightest touch. Despite his debilitating physical condition and constant pain, Anthony is an uncomplaining, easygoing teen who loves life and performs in school plays.

Xenia, 13, a well-adjusted, athletic, boy-crazy burst of youthful energy - despite being born without legs.

Faith, 8, who was critically burned by her birth parents in a crib fire as an infant, and is a fiercely intelligent young girl, one of the top students in her class. Despite being severely disfigured, Faith remains optimistic, observing, "When I'm older and I'm grown up, I'll look like a regular person."

Margaret, 18, who survived childhood epilepsy and is now "second-in-command" in the Tom household. Overwhelmed by her role as her siblings' caregiver, she is now at a crossroads in life, torn between responsibilities at home and the desire to get an education and move out on her own.

Needless to say this is a very big deal of a documentary. It's very touching and you wonder how one woman can deal with so much and give these children as close to a normal childhood as possible despite their circumstances.

My Flesh And Blood

Ok so I saw Alien Vs. Predator a few weeks ago. It sucked. But this review had me laughing...hard.

"Utterly bereft of thrills, suspense or even moments of stomach-churning repulsiveness, it plods along for a disjointed 87 minutes until it finally concludes and disgorges its audiences, now unspeakably depressed that their dream film has sunk to the depths of such disappointments as "The Phantom Menace" or the last couple of "Batman" films, out into the street to wonder how it could have gone so wrong. The best thing that can be said about "Alien Vs. Predator" is that it is so instantly forgettable that it will evaporate from memory so quickly that it will seem as if it never existed so that fans can once again dream about their ideal version of the film."

Ok so we do a lot to God:

We fight wars in his name.
We kill in his name.
We make cheesey candle products in his image.
We even make cookies that we eat.
Easter-chocolate Jesuses and crosses.

But this is the worst. That's right...a cellphone tower designed as an homage to God.
You've all seen the pine tree ones probably right here in NJ or in your own respective states. Not very convincing, are they? You can tell right off that something's not right. But this one annoys me lol.

Can you hear me now Lord? Good!

Grrr. Damn consumerism with your ads, and your products...and your makeout parties.

So Labor day weekend was awesome. Friday night was a night out in New Brunswick with Amar, Jesse, and Tara. We went out to the Olive Branch for some darts, drinks, and good times. Saturday night I had them over for football and I barbequed and watched some good games, (LSU and Temple's game), and some horrible ones (Syracuse...::sigh::). Sunday was my niece Alyssa's birthday so that took up a major portion of the day. Jess met me at Doreen's and that ended up being a really fun day. Monday, Labor Day, I helped Jess move into her dorm because this morning she starts college for her Junior year. Her roomate is hilarious. Reminds me a lot of Kelly Girard from school.

So things with Jess are going amazingly well lately. It sucks that she's going back to school and our "together" time is cut by about 3/4, but oh the tragedy of life lol. I miss her already and as she said "You're not going anywhere, and I've gone nowhere." Heheh.

Yesterday was kind of sad. The first time I got a few twinges of sadness at not returning to the 'Cuse. Seeing all the students at Monmouth U moving in makes you kind of miss that excitement at the peak of "can'twaitingtogetbacktocollegeness" when you finally do move back and summer has "begun to get old." I'll get up there to visit soon enough.

I'm happy in my job though, and I'm happy in New Jersey. I'm just happy.

Now if I wasn't starting to feel sick :L
,

This was funny as hell.

The Foundations Of The Ladder

Now I don't mean to get off on a rant here but...

I keep hearing lots of guys lately talking about one night stands. These guys who are like 'Yeah I had so many one night stands.' That shit isn't a boast, it's a cry for help. It's like, dude, if that shit was REALLY fun and that good you would have stayed with her and not needed to pick up another lady. By boasting , you're saying 'LOOK HOW I HAVE TO KEEP DOING THIS OVER AND OVER BECAUSE I AM NEVER SATISFIED BY IT!' Talk about being addicted to a behavior which clearly doesn't solve your problems and creates lots of problems for bitches dumb enough to go with you. Dicks.

The difference between me and a player is, players are guys who got hurt and now they're like "Well, SHE hurt me (way back when) so now YOU'RE going to pay for it, ho."
But me, I'm like
"Well, she hurt me (way back when) so I know how crappy it feels and I DON'T want to make anyone feel like that."

I'm a kind-hearted motherfucker that way. :P

But on the other hand, players aren't the one-dimensional predators that they often are seen as. I think they have valuable lessons to teach us. Such lessons as, 'rejection isn't shit,' and 'let the person know early on that you are interested in them as more than just a friend, so you don't waste months of your dumb life.' These are lessons both men and women can benefit from!

Also, in a way, pick-up artists are saying what feminists have been saying for a long time: that women have a sex drive equal to men, and that the 'promiscuous girls are sluts / but guys are awesome players' sexual double standard hurts everyone.

Obviously it hurts the women. But every guy that has felt teased or manipulated, chances are HE'S a victim too. Because women can't directly come out and say they want sex, but their bodies are pretty much demanding it, THAT'S why a lot of women do all this coy bullshit you hear so many guys going mad over. They're caught in a soul-crushing lifelong conundrum and they have to finesse it by all sorts of circumlocutions, manipulations, distortions and also the old standby: lying to themselves.

And a lot of the fine 'pick up girls' literature has to do with basically convincing the woman that -- look, stop lying to yourself AND me. You are as horny as a guy. You can either admit it and have awesome sex, or you can keep being under the repressive thumb of this sexist double standard forever. Which is more fun?

But I still can't get past understanding the 'YOU BITCHES ARE ALL LIARS AND I'LL SHOW YOU, I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!!!' sociopathic bitterness though. Some guys are mad wacked.

Yep. *End of rant.*

Just testing something out here:

Oh Japan you are still so f'ed up.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v388/PetiePal/1.jpg

The're a big industry. They're basically pole-laying games, I uh mean role-playing games. Your character tries to seduce various pixellated females, by clicking 'choose your own adventure' style choices in a text-based format. And if you 'win', then you can see a bad animation of some coitus!

But -as if this wasn't nerdy enough- somehow someone found the way to make it even MORE spastic. Welcome to the world of PORNO GAME CHEAT CODES! welcome to REBEL 100.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v388/PetiePal/2.jpg

Apparently for some guys, not only is it too difficult to have sex with living human females, it's ALSO TOO DIFFICULT TO SCORE WITH THEM IN X-RATED VIDEOGAMES TOO.
Herin lies the concept behind rebel 100: guys are getting turned down by PORN.
Is this lower than anything you have concieved of in your miserable life?

Yes. Yes it is.
But REBEL 100 tackles this problem with aplomb!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v388/PetiePal/3.jpg

Instead of trying to sweet-talk Blue Bikini Yelling girl here, all you have to do is enter 83-0A001F. Instead of spending hours trying to get her to love you by pressing the 'sweet talk' button and the 'baby you have nice eyes and your personality is appealing.' button and the 'no really, you're the only girl I like' button, you can just hit 171>370-E703 and she's yours.

Or you could just buy the REGULAR kind of porn, the kind that just starts with coitus to begin with.

But where's the challenge in that?

Clerks 2 Announced

Hilarious "How-To" turn your XBox into a Linux machine

There was recently this hilarious thread online I was a part of. It was like a virtual online dating-game, where questions were asked and you had to come up with the best answers. Here's some snippets:

Q: I decide not to go out with you. Give me two reasons to change my mind.
C1: A .45 and a shovel
C2: I concur
C3: A .9 and a wood chip

Q: How do you kiss?
C1: All over
C2: I eat your face and then I lay eggs in your esophagus.
C3: I don't know I haven't had much practice just on my grandma.

Q: Tell me something about yourself that might prevent me from picking you.
C1: My personality is too infectious!
C2: I like to hit women during sex and not during sex.
C3: I'm a lumberjack.

Q: You come over to clean my pool. Then I invite you in for a glass of water. Then what?
C1: You bend over and tease me. Then we clear off the table and make luv.
C2: I knock you out and take your stereo.
C3: An 8 ball and some milk.

Q: Forty-four percent of women would rather _______ than have sex.
C1: Go to www.goatsex.com
C2: Suck cock
C3: Try to escape from my basement

Q: What's the first thing that comes into your mind when I say PMS?
C1: Make you dinner.
C2: Not good.
C3: RIVER OF BLOOD GET THE FUCK OUT WHILE YOU CAN!

hehehe

Soldier of Misfortune - Go into battle equipped with defective grenades, jammed guns, and a compass which always points east.

Ouch

I want this

I'm sorry this was way to funny not to post so soon after my last one. I had a good 15 min laugh on this one.

DMB Sprays Boat Tour With Shit, Fined For Dumping

Whew it's Wednesday already.
That means tomorrow's pay day.
That means the day after is FRIDAY!

I've been home alone for the week so far. My brother and his girlfriend have a house down LBI for the week. I may try to get down there Thursday or Friday. It seems like I will just not have a vacation this summer. In brighter news I may be getting a huge promotion soon. I might be made a manager of the NJ Help desk for AIU/AIG operations worldwide. That would be cool. The pay would be most welcome.

I'm not too sad with all my 'cuse friends heading back to school (those that didn't graduate), and I thought I'd be. I'll be back to visit. To those of you from 'Cuse who I haven't talked to much this summer, I haven't forgotten you! I've been ridiculously busy... but I miss you all.

I plan to get upto 'Cuse sometime in September, and if not definitely for Halloween this October. Hopefully I'll have my promotion by then, so who knows if I'll be "on call" or what the extended responsibilities will require.

Well work is mad busy so back to it.

"ask a silly question, get a silly answer" thread.

Q:Why are Frodo's and Gollum's eyes so big?

A: It's a side effect of the Ring. Look at what it did to Sauron.

"Where did the Nazgul get new tattered black robes after their old tattered black robes got burned up?" LOLOLOL

Q: Why are Orcs diving off a cliff in the beginning battle shot?

A: This is a more interesting question. There are some who postulate that the Elves are shooting them fro the front line in great numbers. I prefer the theory that these are kamikaze Orcs. They have pin-pointed the enemy forces below, and are throwing themselves down as human bombs with the intention to take as many Penultimate Alliance soldiers with them as they possible can. To make this effect more impactful, many of them have been gorging on cheap curries and bottles of supermarket cola.

These are quotes people have taken from Lord of the Rings and replaced key words with "pants." Hilarity ensues:

"Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants"
"You cannot pants it, none of us pants. The pants answer to Sauron alone!"
"A shadow and a threat has been growing in my pants."
"I wish the pants had never come to me, I wish none of this ever happened."
"I ask only for the strength to defend my pants!"
"The power of the Pants could not be undone."
"It was in this moment that Isildur, son of the King, took up his fathers pants."
"Have you seen it Aragorn? The white pants of Echthelion?"
"Sauron is not so mighty that he is above fear. He fears your pants Aragorn...."
"I will take the pants to Mordor! Though I do now know the way."
"And into this pants, he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life."
"But the pants of Men are easily corrupted."

Merry: "You're supposed to stick it into the pants!"
Pippin: "It is in the pants!"
Merry: "Outside!

"If you want pants, come and claim pants."
"Who will you look to when we're gone, the dwarves? They hide in their pants seeking riches, they care nothing for the pants of others."
"You did not seriously think that a hobbit could contend with the pants of Sauron? There are none who can."
"The nine have left Minas Morgul. They crossed the river Isen on midsummer's eve, disguised as riders in pants."
"You fought bravely. You have kept your pants."
”By nightfall these pants will be crawling with Orcs”
"Give them pants for pity's sake!"
"Don't you understand? The enemy thinks you have the pants. They're going to be looking for you Pip. They have to get you out of here."
"Draw out Sauron's armies. Empty his pants. Then we gather our full strength and march on the Black Gate."
"Your pants are cold. The life of the Eldar is leaving you. "

LOLOLOLOL

Found this person's list of reasons he hates Doom 3. Thought it was pretty funny :D

I [really] hate Doom3.
I hate how it's so dark you can't see [nothing] until it's on top of you.
You can't have your flashlight and your gun out at the same time.
I hate the way they put monsters right [bloody] behind doors that then proceed to jump straight out at you and start attacking you.
I hate the way you enter a room, and there's armour or ammo there, in the middle, in a quiet well-lit room. And you just [damn well] know when you pick that up the lights are going to go off and a ton of monsters are gonna drop in to play.
I hate the way they've used sound to make every [damn] room in the game sound like there's things behind the walls or in the vents.
I hate it when I'm about to climb a ladder into a vent and something up there makes a noise.
I hate how that fills me with dread not knowing what the hell I'm going to come across.
I hate how I can't open doors without wondering if there will be something behind it.
I hate the way it makes me play with the sound turned off.
I hate it cos I have to keep quitting it cos I'm too scared.

LOL

I love the game though. It's creepy as all hell. Can't wait until I buy an Alienware system...5.1 or 7.1 surround sound...then I'll truly wet myself.

Ok this annoys me.

Hey, here's an idea, parents: Why don't you grow a pair? A pair of boobs or testicles, brass perhaps, as it pleases you; I'm not picky. It really annoys me when I see children who are the boss of their parents. My children will never be THAT disrespectful. There's nothing I respect more than a parent in Toys 'R Us with a screaming kid in tow. If they're ignoring him that is. Children know just how to play the drama game and get what they want even from a year old. Props to your strong parents out there who believe a firm hand is a loving one.

How 'bout I get you a nice warm glass of shut the hell up? You're in my world now grandma!

Excerpts from one of my favorite standup performances - Denis Leary: No Cure For Cancer

I don't do illegal drugs anymore. Now I just do the legal drugs. Tonight I'm on NyQuil and Sudafed. Let me tell you something, folks. Forget about cocaine and heroine. All you need is NyQuil and Sudafed. I'm telling you right now, I took the NyQuil five years ago. I just came out of the coma tonight before the fucking show! Claus Vanbulo was standing over my bed going, "Denis, get up! There's something the matter with Sunny! Hurry up!" I love NyQuil. Man, I love it! I love it. I love it. I love it. It's the best thing shit ever invented. Isn't it, huh? I love the name alone. NyQuil - Capitol N, small Y, big fucking Q! I love that fucking Q, don't you!? What a great advertising idea! Put a huge fucking Q on the box. They'll get high and stare at it. "The Q is talking to me! The Q is talking to me!"

I love NyQuil, man. Because NyQuil has never changed, man. It's never changed. All the other medicines are doing that inner-child thing. "we know that there's a small child inside of you, so now we have grape and cherry and orange flavor." Not NyQuil! They still have the original green death fucking flavor! You know why!? Because it doesn't matter what it tastes like! It's so strong you go, "*wheeze* Hey this stuff really tastes like.." Bang! Yer in the coma already! "What happened?" "He said tastes like and he went right into the coma, it was unbelievable!" We have reached the point where the over the counter drugs are actually stronger than anything you can buy on the street. It says on the back of the NyQuil box, on the back of the box it says, "May cause drowsiness." It should say, "Don't make any fucking plans! Kiss your family and friends goodbye. Say hello to Klaus!" NyQuil, NyQuil, NyQuil, we love you! You giant fucking Q!

NyQuil is the secret for all you twelve step recovery program people. Yes, all you AA people, NyQuil is the key! It's the thirteenth fucking step! You can drink it! It's over the counter! Drink as much as you want. "Are you drunk?" "No! I have a cold. Same cold I've had for two years. I just can't seem to shake it. I'm high as a kite and my teeth are green. Merry fucking Christmas!"

We did it all. Cocaine? We started that. You're welcome! What a great drug that was. Yeah, I'd like to do some cocaine. I'd like to do a drug that makes my penis small, makes my nose bleed, makes my heart explode, and sucks all my money out of the bank. Is that possible please!? I'd like to make this face all night! I'd like to sit in the bathroom and talk to a complete asshole stranger for seven hours on end. Is that possible please!? With no penis and a nose bleed! Where do I sign up!? Take my penis away! That was the worst part about the coke, man, was being in that bathroom with that stranger at the end of the night. Wasn't it, huh? Talking about shit like solving the world's problems and the only reason you're in there is because he has the coke. That should have been a fucking sign, don't ya think? I mean if Hitler had coke, there'd be Jews in the bathroom going, "I know you didn't do it. *snort* I like your mustache. *snort* Fucking Himmler! *snort*"

People go, "Well why didn't you go into rehab?" We didn't have rehab back in the seventies. Back in the seventies rehab meant you'd stop doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks. You know? "Yeah, give me a case of Budweiser and an ounce. I gotta slow down! Jesus Christ! I'm outta control. Look at the size of my pants for Christ's sake!"

Everybody comes from a dysfunctional family all of the sudden, huh? Rosanne Barr comes from a dysfunctional family? Not Rosanne! She seems so normal to me! The Jacksons were dysfunctional!? Not the Jacksons! These people give each other new heads for Christmas for Christ's sake!

God.. "I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy because my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would." Hey! Join the fucking club, ok!? I thought I was going to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Socks. Life sucks, get a fucking helmet, allright?! "I'm not happy. I'm not happy." Nobody's happy, ok!? Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That's it, ok! You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to fucking work, ok!? That is it! End of fucking list! "I'm just not happy." Shut the fuck up, allright? That's the name of my new book, "Shut the Fuck Up, by Doctor Denis Leary. A revolutionary new form of therapy." I'm gonna have my patients come in. "Doctor, I.." "Shut the fuck up, next!" "I don't feel so.." "Shut the fuck up, next!" "He made me feel so much better about myself, you know? He just told me to shut the fuck up and nobody had ever told me that before. I feel so much better now."

And I'll tell you something else right now. I have the solution to the drug problem in this country. Nobody wants to hear it, but I have it. Not less drugs, more drugs. Get more drugs, and give 'em the right fucking people. Mmm mm, cuz every time you hear about some famous guy overdosing on drugs, it's always some really talented guy. It's always like Len Bias, or Janis Joplin, or Jimi Hendrix, or John Belushi. You know what I mean!? The people you wanna have overdose on drugs never would! Like Motley Crue would never fucking overdose man, never! You could put them in a room with two tons of crack. They come out a half an hour later, "Rock on man!" "Shit, they're still alive. Fuck! They're probly gonna make another double-live album now, God dammit!"

We live in a country, where John Lennon takes six bullets in the chest, Yoko Ono was standing right next to him and not one fucking bullet! Explain that to me! Explain that to me, God! Explain it to me, God! I want it! God! Jesus! Now we've got twenty-five more years. Yeah, I'm real fucking happy now, God. I'm wearing a huge happy hat, Jesus Christ! I mean Stevie Ray Vaughan is dead, and we can't get Jon Bon Jovi in a helicopter. Come on, folks. "Get on that helicopter John. Shut the fuck up and get on that helicopter! There's a hair dresser in there. Yeah, go ahead in there, yeah yeah."

Let me make sure I'm crystal clear on this issue, ok? Heavy Metal fans are buying Heavy Metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and then blowing their heads off with shotguns? Where's the problem!? That's an unemployment solution right there, folks! It's called natural selection. It's the bottom of the food chain, ok? I say we put more messages on the records. "Kill the band, kill your parents, then yourself, ok!? Make sure you get your whole head in front of the shotgun. Thank you for calling!"

Let me tell you something. We need a two and a half hour movie about the Doors? Folks, no we don't. I can sum it up for you in five seconds, ok. "I'm drunk. I'm nobody. I'm drunk. I'm famous. I'm drunk. I'm fucking dead." There's the whole movie, ok!? Big fat dead guy in a bath tub, there's your title for you.

All these rock stars should've been killed, man. Every single God damned one of them. Right after Jon Lenin died, we should've gotten the Partridge Family bus and driven around and killed them all one by one, you know? Elvis Presley should have been shot in the head back in 1957. Somebody should've walked up behind Elvis in '57 with a 44 magnum, put the barrel of the gun right up to his brain stem and just pulled the trigger, so you can remember Elvis in a nice way. Wouldn't it be nice to remember Elvis thin, with a big head of hair? Maybe that gold lame gold lame gold lame suit. Wouldn't that be nice? Because how do you remember Elvis? You know how you remember Elvis. He was found in the toilet with his pants around his ankles and his big fat hairy sweaty king of rock and roll ass exposed to the world and his final piece of kingly evidence floating in the toilet behind him! Creepy! One of his aids had to walk in and go, "Damn, Elvis is dead. I'd better flush the toilet. Oh man I should've saved that! I coulda made some money off of that! Damn man! A ding dang do!"

That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did. Oh yeah. Because if he lived to be 40, he woulda ended up like Elvis, come on! Oh yeah, he had that big enterauge. Twelve guys willing to do whatever he wanted to do. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, "Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheese burger and french fries right now. Where's Mary Magdeline, I want a blow job now. Come on now! Fuck you, or I'll turn you into a leper. Give me a cheese burger now, God dammit. Love me tender, love me true, empty my colostamy bag! Hoo-ah! Hoo-ah! Oh I think I shit my pants on that last hoo-ah. Change my diaper now!"

Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get one of those tracheotomies. So I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time. I'm gonna get nine tracheotomies all the way around my neck. I'll be Tracheotomie Man! "He can smoke a pack at a time! He's Tracheotomie Man!"

Babe Ruth, greatest baseball player to ever play the game. He had a voic box. He was the first American to have a voice box. Yeah! "[VB] This is Babe Ruth, the Sultan of Swat, the Bambino, I smoke twenty-five God damn cuban cigars a day. I had meat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I fucked eighteen prostitutes a night! 'course, I'm dead now. I'm up here in heaven. Lou Gehrig is up here with me. God love Lou Gehrig. Jesus Christ, poor Lou Gehrig. Died of Lou Gehrig's disease. How the hell did he not see that coming? You know. We used to tell him, Lou, there's a disease with your name all over it, pal! There ain't no Babe Ruth disease, I'll tell you that much right now. Have a hot dog and a Hummer. Go ahead, it's on me."

Because you gotta have goals. Because everybody in this room knows everybody who's quitting. You all have that friend who's quitting it. You know what I mean? The guys quitting it, "I quit smoking. I quit drugs. I quit drinking. I quit meat, and I feel great. I get up in the morning and have a nice big bowl of oat bran. I go to the bathroom for three and a half hours. I have another bowl of oat bran. I go back in the bathroom for six more hours. All I do is eat and shit, I'm gonna live forever! My colon is the strongest muscle in my body right now. I could pass Elvis through my colon right now."
And all these cereals they have, Cracklin' Oat Bran, and Horkin' Fiber Chunks, you know? Cereal used to come with a free prize. Now it comes with a free roll of toilet paper in every box. Guys get up on Sunday morning, "Forget about the New York Times, I'm gonna need the Bible. I got a big one brewing here." "Dad, there's a phone call!" "I'm on Genesis, God dammit! You tell 'em to call back after the creation!" People checking their own feces for fiber. You have too much free fucking time on your hands, ok

Red meat, white meat, blue meat, meat-o-fucking-rama. You will eat it. Because not eating meat is a decision. Eating meat is an instinct! Yeah! And I know what it's about. "I don't want to eat the meat because I love the animals. I love the animals." Hey, I love the animals too. I love my doggy. He's so cute. My fluffy little dog.. He's so cute- There's the problem. We only want to save the cute animals, don't we? Yeah. Why don't we just have animal auditions. Line 'em up one by one and interview them individually. "What are you?" "I'm an otter." "And what do you do?" "I swim around on my back and do cute little human things with my hands." "You're free to go." "And what are you?" "I'm a cow." "Get in the fucking truck, ok pal!" "But I'm an animal." "You're a baseball glove! Get on that truck!" "I'm an animal, I have rights!" "Yeah, here's yer fucking cousin, get on the fucking truck, pal!"

Personally, I think Mama Cass said it best when she said, "[Choking noises]" "All the leaves are [Choking noises]" "Monday [Choking noises]"

If I worked at the post office as a supervisor, I wouldn't lay anybody off for the next twenty-five fucking years. I'd just walk around going, "Hanrahan, what're you doing?" "Nothing." "Well, keep it up, you're doing a great job! Jesus. I'll tell ya."

Hey! I just moved here four years ago, and I'm not leaving, because this is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh yeah! Yeah! There are so many ways to die in New York City, come on! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway crashes, construction cranes collapsing on the sidewalks, manhole covers blowing up, asbestos shooting into the sky. We had a subway crash here a couple of years ago. Five people died. The next day they found the driver was drunk and hooked on crack. Folks, this makes Disneyland look like a fucking bike ride, doesn't it? "Your drive today is Edward. He's drunk and hooked on crack. The man sitting next to you has a loaded nine-millimeter. Good luck, folks!" "Honey, get the camera! This is gonna be fucking great!"

My Pimpafyed name is: Sweet Chocolate P. Silk
What's your Pimpafyed name?

This had me laughing for 5 minutes straight...

HAHAHAHAHA lol poor Janet your career is MJ-destined now

Ever seen the video for Yatta? They're so weird over there...
Lindsay got much more popular after her MTV Movie Award performance lol...

The FUSE tv network did some advertisements that goofed on the iPod adds. Some of them are pretty good.


By far the funniest one...

iPod Evolution Baby. (From left): iPod Mini, 4th Gen, 3rd Gen, 1st/2cd Gen

Ditto but see how thin my new one is :D

Vh1's Michael Jackson Movie Premieres This Friday Night!!!!

The move follows Michael from his Motown days until the recent charges against him, where he did his little jib on top of a car to screaming fans. I can't wait...the Jackson 5 movie was great, but there's so much more that's happened after.

Go Mike Go!

Time for some lyrics from my favorite Throwing Copper songs :D

Live - Iris

I liked the way my hand looked on your head
In the presence of my knuckles
But the beauty of this vision alone
Just like yesterday's sunset
Has been perverted by the sentimental
And mistaken for love

The felix of your truth will always break it
And the iris of your eye will always shake it
And the armies, the armies I have created
Will always hate it
Will always bait you on

I liked the way my hand looked on your head
In the presence of my struggle
But the beauty of this vision alone I can't shake from my tree just yet I
t keeps invading all my private moments
Listen to me now

The felix of your truth will always break it
And the iris of your eye will always shake it
And the armies, the armies I have created
Will always hate it
Always bait you on
Until I take their flags
Until I take their flags!

Live - Top

This is not helping me at all
What you are doing here
In the name of god and love
It's the distribution of fear
Pyramids, healing wires, analysts with fame
I haven't got your degree
And I forgot your name

Pick me up and put me on the ground
Set me up and spin me all around
No, you are not the one I wish to see

This is not helping me at all
Where did we get this plan?
That you could give to me
What I might already have
Pyramids, healing wires, a musician's fame
I volunteered you my eyes
In place of facing me

Pick me up and put me on the ground
Set me up and spin me all around
No, you are not the one I wish to see
Oh hitler, in a robe of truth
My emptiness has built your altar
And I've worshipped myself in you forever
Until now!

Live - Stage

I wanna feel
I wanna try
I wanna rock in the city tonight
I wanna deal
Don't wanna die
I wanna bring my Captain Hook into the light
People I've seen my day
Ranting and raving this beauty away
We are by and large the same
But words are too feeble, they cannot contain
He was a "rock and roll messiah"
She was known for her childcare
The truth is gonna give up the world
If you can give up the stage
If I can give up the stage
If we can give up the stage

Come to this, I can't come to you
Don't do this, wake me up tonight
Come to this, I can't come to you
Don't do this, wake me up tonight
Come on, motherfucker!!
He was a "rock and roll messiah"
How can you stand today beside her
Messiah, besider her....
Give me the stage
Give me the stage
Beside her
Beside her
Besider her.
::Insert awesome feedback here::

The BEST song on the album...this is Live at their hardest. Go Live go!

Live - White Discussion

I talk of freedom
You talk of the flag
I talk of revolution
You'd much rather brag
And as the decibels of this disenchanting discourse continue to dampen the day
The coin flips again and again, and again, and again as our santity walks away
All this discussion
Though politically correct
Is dead beyond destruction
Though it leaves me quite erect
And as the final sunset rolls behind the earth
And the clock is finally dead
I'll look at you, you'll look at me and we'll cry a lot
But this will be what we said
This will be what we said:
"Look where all this talking got us baby."

::Insert most amazing ending to a song Live has ever done here::