Friday, July 23, 2004

So within 2 days I've had 3 discussions with women about gender equality and my feelings on whom should foot the bill on dates/in a relationship. Thought it was time to post on it. Below are a lot of excerpts from a paper I wrote on this topic in college.

Now before any of you get in a huge hissy fit calm down and read this first. I'm all about gender equality, I really am. Most of you who know me well know my feelings on it and have likely discussed it with me before. I've always believed that men and women are complete equals. The following thoughts of mine in no way represent a collective feeling I have towards all women. I do not lump all women into one category and stereotype them as the following women I speak of. There is a select percentage though that ARE these type of people and they drive me bonkers. I believe in true-equality which is the basis for all of this. I have a great deal of respect for women who do not let a man pay all the time, bur rather split things down the middle or alternate. So with that Disclaimer read, read on...

Who Pays The Bill?

When I was dating and I invited someone out to dinner, for drinks, or whatever else the outing was, I always footed the bill. If I get invited, I expect the inviter to pay the bill unless, of course, I'm on the first couple of dates.

Why? Because society dictates that, in general, men should foot the bill. It's considered gentlemanly on our part, while at the same time it shows that we are adequate providers.
I don't mind paying the bill. I often like to actually, it's a loving act that shows you really care in my mind. The only problem I have is when a man goes out on several dates -- by several I mean twenty -- and the woman still hasn't offered to pay once. (Keep in mind these are dates not a relationship) I mean, this way of thinking may have been acceptable back in the early 1940s when women didn't work. But now that they earn a paycheck, why shouldn't they show that they too can be good future providers?

Okay, now getting back to the subject. Why do men get paid more than women? Well the answer I've arrived at is that we're still stuck in traditional roles despite how "equal" we've become so far. I think that as long as society pushes men to pay the bills, then society should also expect that men will earn more dough than women in order to compensate for the extra expense. It is society's way of balancing out both genders' checkbooks.

Let's go back to my past dating experiences as it poses a good example. Assuming I received a weekly paycheck of $1,000 and I go out for dinner twice a week, my net earnings are deducted down to $624 ($1,000 - $188 - $188 = $624), while her paycheck (70% that of the man's check) is $700. So she is making $76 per week or $3,952 per year more than me.

The question people should ask themselves is, "Is the glass half-full or half-empty?" -- alternately, "Should women get paid less than men or should men get paid more than women?"
I'm not saying women should get paid less than men. But as long as men are expected to pay for everything, they should get paid more for the burden. Otherwise, men would have negative balances in their checkbooks. Let's not kid ourselves here, if it's sexist for us to believe that men should make more money, then it's also sexist to expect men to pay for everything. If women want equal treatment, then equal treatment is what men also want and that includes paying the restaurant bill. Food for thought but I think that's pretty logical. Most of you know how gung-ho I am about equality between men and women. This is a special "what-if" case of course, remember it's not generalized to all cases!

The feminist movement has done its job: the gender wage gap has gone the way of Donna Reed's apron, (God I feel old when I'm quoting a show that was on Nick at Nite when I was a kid...), and bosses are no longer chasing their secretaries around the desk. Women are now earning as much as -- or more than -- their male counterparts.

Great! This is exactly the way it should be in our society.

But equal rights come with a price because true equality means equality across the board, not just equality until the check comes. The real gender gap is that a percentage of women with good jobs and equal incomes are still insisting that men finance their social lives. I'd say that's a double standard if I ever heard one: a very self-serving double standard.

Why should men foot the bill for dinner, entertainment and weekend getaways, while women happily bank their paychecks? In an age of equality, shouldn't the focus of dating be on partnership and sharing, instead of these women still expecting to be taken care of financially?

Now most women are not this way anymore, thank God. I'm quite proud to say my girlfriend is a shining example of what I had hoped the girl I was with would be. However I'm stunned by the number of women who ARE this way. Let's look at some of the excuses I've heard women use to justify forcing their "equals" to pick up the check:

  • Men earn more than women for the same job.

False. Such skewed statistics as "women earn about 75 cents for every dollar a man earns" represent outdated, selected data still promoted by radical feminists who insist on portraying women as angelic victims of a "man's world." According to the U.S. Department of Education, the U.S. Bureau of the Census, and the Bureau of Labor Statistics, (among others), the wage gap simply does not exist for women with bachelor's degrees, even in such "male-dominated" fields as architecture and engineering. And many similarly-educated women aged 35 to 44 actually earn more than their male counterparts!

Moreover, studies by these same organizations show that men consistently work longer hours than women at the same job, so, in essence, women are earning a higher hourly wage.
Where a wage gap does exist can easily be accounted for by:

  • Job experience (according to The Journal of Labor Economics, full-time employed women have 20% less job experience than men which is due in part to...:)
  • Larger numbers of men in their 50s and 60s who are earning bigger salaries based on time and experience
  • Female job choices (women often seek out jobs with less income potential such as teaching or retail, or are less dangerous than certain higher-paid male-dominated occupations, such as firefighting and construction)
  • longer male hours at work (men work 90% of overtime hours)
  • The large percentage of female part-time workers which distort the statistics
  • The time women take off from work for child-rearing (an option not normally afforded to men)

Even if it were true that women earn 25% less than men, shouldn't women still should be picking up 75% of their half of the dating expenses?

Equal rights means equal rights.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the excuses I've heard. Keep bearing in mind that this applies to the "Hypocrite Equalists" as I like to think of them lol.

  • If a man's a gentleman, he'll pay for me.

Acting as a woman's version of a "gentleman" is an excellent example of how men are brainwashed by greedy women to fulfill their self-serving interests. Mothers train their sons to buy into this scam at an early age, teaching them to treat women like goddesses and to pay for female company without question. No man should allow himself to become a doormat for female whims, and no man should have to pay for a woman 100% of the time who is earning as much as he is. That's not equality.

  •  It costs more to be a woman.

Most women package themselves for sale to the highest bidder they can attract- you don't see umpteen magazines touting beauty tips or gigantic cosmetic counters for men. No one, and I mean no one, needs a hundred pairs of shoes. And as for what it costs to be a man, try getting a date without an expensive house, an upscale car and nice clothing. Good luck lol.

  • It's just nice.

Sure it's nice. I'd like someone to give me door-to-door chauffeur service, bring me presents, and pay for my dinner and entertainment, all for the possibility of sex, but with no obligation whatsoever. Let's be honest; if we did this, we'd be in jail for fraud.

  •  It's just expected.

Yes, it is expected…by women who have set up the rules of dating and sex by forcing men to bend to their rules. And this means, if you don't pay, you don't get laid.

  • If you don't pay for me, you're cheap.

I love this one because it's pure sexual blackmail. It just proves that what women who use this excuse really want is cash.

  • Whoever asks for the date should pay.

This is a great example of the female double standard. How many women have actually asked s man out? And yet you can hear this excuse from women on a daily basis! Let's look at it this way: when two women go out to dinner, does the one who asks pay? No, they usually split the bill. The same thing happens when a woman goes out with a man who's just a "friend;" each pays an equal share. But the second that sex enters the equation, the woman expects to be paid for. This is nothing less than whitewashed prostitution.

  • I can get away with it.

This is when the truth finally comes out. I've actually heard some women say, "I've got what you want and you're going to have to pay for it." Such arrogance just reduces dating to a whore/Jo Schmo relationship. This always annoyed me because I think love, dating, and relationships are about more than just what you get.

  • My girlfriend's boyfriend pays for her, so why shouldn't you?

This is another version of the "you're cheap" routine. What's she's really saying is, "my girlfriend gets away with sexual blackmail, and I want to get away with it, too."

  • I offer to pay, but guys say no.

In these days of equal rights some women will make a thinly-veiled, half-hearted attempt, once, to uphold their end of the "equality" bargain by offering to pay their half of the check. But it's all a sham- she knows that the guy knows that if he takes her up on her offer, any hope of sex is over.

As a society who strives to be collective equals composed of men and women, the best thing we can do is to put our collective feet down and stop having men pay all the time for women who would claim to be equals but act in any manner but. After all, their behavior amounts to little more than extortion and sexual blackmail. The reason such women can still get away with this behavior is because we let them. They give the true women out there who are hitting the equality issue barehanded a bad rap.

There should be absolutely no question about who should pay the bill: we both should.


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