Here are some excerpts from JoBlowho does a fair job of reviewing movies. None of that Siskel (RIP) and Ebert and whoever the hell they got now, Roper or something BS. He gives you the nitty gritty, and it feels oddly close to what your own opinion is after a movie. Here's some funny excerpts from his Troy movie review:
"It's a decent movie, with solid performances from both Brad Pitt and Eric Bana, but I can't say that any specific character intrigued me much, involved me on any type of emotional level and ultimately, had me giving a shit about what happened to them."
"Pitt's relationship with his Tom Sizemore look-a-like partner in war was probably the best developed relationship in the entire movie...and that's saying a lot."
"As for Orlando Bloom and his character...wow, I think this guy gets the lifetime achievement award for being the biggest pussy in the world! If this guy had any less balls, he'd be a stay-at-home soccer dad. Jesus Christ...how about giving this dink a little backbone? He looked like he was gonna take a pee in every shot (or was that Peter O'Toole?) I'm supposed to invest myself in this story of epic proportions and it's all being fought out for some prissy kid who doesn't know shit one about honor, love or war? Forget that! I also didn't think the character of his girlfriend, the infamous "Helen" over whom much of the hoopla begins in the first place, was given any personality or life either. She just stood around, looking pretty and pretending to matter. In fact, I think she may just have been the first "trophy wife" in the history of the world. Actually, most of the ladies in the film were about as paper-thin as my penis."
"Add that to the umpteen shots of Pitt's naked butt, his bare FIGHT CLUB-esque six-pack and plenty of wardrobe kinkiness featuring the man in black leather skirts (no joke) and you've got yourself a good time for anyone who enjoys Pitt as an actor and as a piece of ham-and-cheese. "
Needless to say, I enjoy some of his reviews ;P Hope you will too!