All right, it's time for a rant. I want to talk about people who are lazy. I see it more than ever in the corporate world, as if I didn't see enough of it among my peers. I admit at times I'm lazy, but it's something I dislike, and I strive against it.

Lazy people. You know the type -- the foo-foo's who don't have an ambitious bone in their bodies but like to tell everyone otherwise. Lazy people are our civilization's procrastinators; the people who will stop us from evolving as a species if allowed to breed. Lazy people are like rotten apples; leave one rotten apple next to a healthy one and it will become rotten too. Laziness is a disease, a serious one, and it has gotten worse in our society.

It used to be that people had to work very hard to get what they wanted. Back in the day, our forefathers had to chase deer for miles to get a little supper, or they had to slave for 16 hours on farms for some fat baron just to get a piece of bread. Now, you can sit at home, watch TV, get obese, and get money for it. What the hell happened?

I'll tell you what happened. Precut carrots.

Precut carrots are the symbolic demise of our society. We can't even cut a silly, stupid, little carrot anymore, so someone had to go out and do it for us. Everything is prepackaged, preshrunk, prewrapped, precooked, preeverything, because we are too lazy to do it ourselves. And don't give me this "I don't have time anymore" crap. Just because you don't know how to plan your day like a person with half a brain, doesn't mean you should live your life with lazy shortcuts.

The worst part is that this laziness affects the amount of food in my future childrens' mouths. The disease of laziness has taken hold of corporate America, including all my legit rackets. I don't buy all this crap from fancy business magazines about productivity gains, longer work weeks, etc.

It's propaganda from other lazy people who infiltrated media. Yes, I am talking to you clowns in the media who need two weeks to write a 500-word article. Get off your lazy asses, you ignorant idiots, I don't have a fancy English lit college degree and I pump these babies out in 10 minutes.

Back to this productivity crap. When I go out on a tech call to fix some mindless problem simply solved, I'm dumbfounded by what I see. People are doing anything but the work they are supposed to do. Talking on the phone. Checking their worthless stocks. Having their 28th coffee of the day, (or their 18th bathroom break of the hour). Mindlessly looking into space for little green men. Playing with themselves. Etc., etc., etc. If cameras weren't around, I swear my Louisville Slugger would get a nice workout.

They work for two hours and hang out all day...

These mo-mo's spend about two hours of the day actually working (and I'm being kind), and they have the balls to tell my manager they are overworked. The few times they don't check out as soon as the clock strikes five and "work" an extra 30 minutes, it's because they were so lazy and stupid during the day, they needed to catch up later on.

Imagine, I think I run a tight ship and yet, I have a bordello on my hands. So what's happening, then, in the rest of Corporate America?

Like I said, we have a disease on our hands. As my grandmother used to say, "La gente è pigra" : The Lazy Pretenders.

Lazy people use little tricks to make it look like they're actually accomplishing things. They love sitting on their success until it turns to mold. We've all met someone who does something half-smart and feels he doesn't have to prove himself for the next few months. Sort of like the French soccer player who scored one big goal and assumed he should play on the national squad for four years because of it (don't ask me his name, I don't remember, if I did I would have told it you).

Among the little tricks lazy people use is taking credit for a job that was much easier than they made it out to be or seeking the easy job that could easily be exaggerated later.

No matter how smart a lazy dirt thinks he is, things eventually catch up to him. Sure, a pretender or a regular lazy person can make a nice living and have the 2.3 kids and the house, but he'll never be part of the elite.

His path to success will always be capped. You need motivation and ambition to be part of the elite, and that is the greatness of our capitalist society; the cream rises to the top. In the end, determined and self-motivated people (not always, most of the time) get ahead of pretenders. It's the go-getters that make up 1% of the population and control the other 99%. Those who know me well have heard me say this a thousand times over.

Lazy people are happy. Most of Europe operates like this, at least the bureaucracy does, and that is why I'll never live in Italy. I couldn't stand watching the dumb @!$%s taking six months to fix my driveway when they could have done it in two days. No matter how much power I could one day have in Italy from my "extended family" lol, I couldn't change things because too many pretenders are fixed in the system.

So what can we do? Simple. Do the exact opposite of lazy people. Why? Because having drive, ambition, goals, and the desire to execute these things with 100% effort will allow you to move ahead in life so that, one day, you might have the power and money to either change certain things or fire whoever isn't pulling their weight.

Whew....ALMOST DONE hang with me!

Lazy people blame others, their environment, or their tooth fairy for everything that didn't go their way. Don't be like them; take responsibility for inaction and stupidity.

If you are some kind of manager or boss of a donut shop or a large corporation, lead by example. You have a huge influence on the culture of your organization. A lazy boss who delegates everything and does nothing is the most dangerous kind of virus in an organization. Don't be that person. The worst employees are the employees who despise their customers because A) those customers have better jobs and make more, or B) they think they're above their job. If you're above your job, then get above it, or if you're in the process don't take it out on the consumer.

Don't wait for things to happen tomorrow; do them today. Do like I was told my grandfathers did, and walk five miles over broken glass to work, barefoot, there and back in the snow. Whatever you do, don't take siestas, it's the lazy person's way of reenergizing their laziness.

That's it. My rant is done. I made my peace.
And if you read all this, you've got my respect :)