A very busy week so far.
Too much to do before Saturday's party.
Too much snow.
Too much going on.
Too much on my mind.
And many friends hurting.
And too little I can do about it.

Maybe it would be fun
To get a new opinion
Get a little work done
And forget

Maybe it would be cool
If I rocked it old school
Try to break a gold rule
And a sweat

Better than the first time
Better than the worst time
If I could just reverse time
I'd be set

Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?

She got a new apartment
It's out on the escarpment
And in her glove compartment
Are my songs

She hasn't even heard them
Since she found out what the words meant
She decided she preferred them
All wrong

Kind of like the last time
With a bunch of really fast times
If we're living in the past time
Soon gone

Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?

We recognize the present
Is half as pleasant
As our nostalgia for

The past'll be presented
Recast and reinvented
Until it's how we meant it

Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?

He's everything that you need
You wiped out on your ten speed
And either he will succeed
Or just suck

Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?
Begin the...

Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?

Would I be in the clear, G?

Testing 1,2,3...

Barenaked Ladies - Testing 1,2,3
[ Tue Mar 23, 04:37:51 PM | Peter Palumbo | edit ]
A very busy week so far.
Too much to do before Saturday's party.
Too much snow.
Too much going on.
Too much on my mind.
And many friends hurting.
And too little I can do about it.

Maybe it would be fun
To get a new opinion
Get a little work done
And forget

Maybe it would be cool
If I rocked it old school
Try to break a gold rule
And a sweat

Better than the first time
Better than the worst time
If I could just reverse time
I'd be set

Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?

She got a new apartment
It's out on the escarpment
And in her glove compartment
Are my songs

She hasn't even heard them
Since she found out what the words meant
She decided she preferred them
All wrong

Kind of like the last time
With a bunch of really fast times
If we're living in the past time
Soon gone

Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?

We recognize the present
Is half as pleasant
As our nostalgia for

The past'll be presented
Recast and reinvented
Until it's how we meant it

Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?

He's everything that you need
You wiped out on your ten speed
And either he will succeed
Or just suck

Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?
Begin the...

Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?

Would I be in the clear, G?

Testing 1,2,3...

Barenaked Ladies - Testing 1,2,3

Wow what a good weekend. Major DDR on Friday night after the bars, and lots of old housemates came to chill at the house. Saturday was our open house, and I got to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Amazing movie. I think it makes me really value all the crystal clear memories I have much more now. I could never imagine erasing someone from my memory no matter how much it hurt. Sometimes all you have left are the good memories... Really good movie so go see it if you can. Jim Carrey in one of his best roles yet. Hit up the downtown scene last night, very very interesting lol.

It's been surprisingly mild here in Syracuse lately. Saw the moon last night and some stars I haven't seen in a long time. Whenever I get to see the moon I always look up-there's a few people who know that whenever it's out and I can see it, I'll look up at it and think of them, and I hope they still doing the same. Distance seperates lots of us, but you're always in my thoughts...

A busy week coming up, but then our 80s/90s dance party this Saturday! Woooo! Friends coming up, and good times on the way. Under 50 days someone said the other day until graduation. This is going to go really fast. Take a snapshot of this moment of me writing this on a Sunday morning, still an undergrad in his senior year final semester. But now that snapshop is taken and life keeps moving on. Tons of work to do, and it's time to do it. Work now will mean partying later lol.

It's Friday, yet again! This week FLEW by...Time for an uplifting song so get me through the work day :) Hope you're all putting your nose to the grindstone as we wind down these last few weeks of school. I miss my Bridgewater friends and I can't wait to see you guys. You know who you are. The world isn't ready for us, but we'll take it by storm anyway :)

Rent - Another Day

Who do you think you are?
Barging in on me and my guitar
Little girl, hey, the door is that way
You better go you know
the fire's out anyway
Take your powder
Take your candle
Your sweet whisper
I just can't handle
Well take your hair in the Moonlight
Your brown eyes - Goodbye, Goodnight

I should tell you I should tell you
I should tell you I should --No!

Another time, another place
Our temperature would climb
There'd be a long embrace
We'd do another dance
It'd be another play
Looking for romance
Come back another day
Another day

The heart may Freeze - Or it can Burn
The pain will ease - If I can learn

There is no Future
There is no Past
I live this moment as my last

There's only Us
There's only This
Forgret regret
Or Life is yours to miss
No other Road
No other Way
No Day But Today

Excuse me if I'm off track
But if you're so wise
Then tell me - why do you need smack?

Take your needle
Take your fancy prayer
Don't forget get the Moonlight out of your hair

Long ago you might've lit up my heart
But the fire's dead
and ain't never ever gonna start

Another time

Another place
The words would only rhyme
We'd be in outer space
It'd be another song
We'd sing another way
You wanna prove me wrong
Come back Another Day
Another day!

There's only Yes
Only Tonight
We must let go
To know what's right
No other Course
No other Way
No Day But Today

I can't control (Control your temper!)
My Destiny (She doesn't see...)
I trust my Soul (Who says that there's a soul?)
My only goal
Is just - to Be (Just let me be!)

There's only now (Who do you think you are?)
There's only here
Give in to love (Barging in on me and my guitar?)
Or live in Fear

No other Path (Little girl, hey)
No other Way (The door is that way)

No Day But Today (The Fire's out anyway)
No Day But Today (Take your powder, take your candle!)
No Day But Today (Take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette)
No Day But Today (Another Time, Another Place, Another Rhyme, a Warm Embrace)
No Day But Today (Another Dance, Another Way, Another Chance)
No Day But Today (Another Day)

You've been lying in bed for a week now
Wondering how long it'll take
You haven't spoken or looked at her in all that time
For that was the easiest line you could break

She's been going round her business as usual
Always with that melancholic smile
But you were too busy looking into your affairs
To see those tiny tears in her eyes

Tiny tears make up an ocean
Tiny tears make up a sea
Let them pour out, pour out all over
Don't let them pour all over me

How can you hurt someone so much you're supposed to care for
Someone you said you'd always be there for
But when that water breaks you know you're gonna cry, cry
When those tears start rolling you'll be back

Tiny tears make up an ocean
Tiny tears make up a sea
Let them pour out, pour out all over
Don't let them pour all over me

You've been thinking about the time, you've been dreading it
But now it seems that moment has arrived
She's at the edge of the bed, she gets in
But it's hard to turn the opposite way tonight

Tiny tears make up an ocean
Tiny tears make up a sea
Let them pour out, pour out all over
Don't let them pour all over me

The Tindersticks - Tiny Tears

I first heard this song in The Sopranos Season 1 maybe 5 or 6 years ago now. One of my most favorite episodes ever too. They use it when the attempted hit is made on Tony. I don't know why but I find the episode and that part particularly so moving. I see myself in Tony sometimes and vice versa. Maybe because I'm Italian. Maybe because I'm from NJ. Maybe because there's some things in him that are common to us all. I should make a list sometime of movies/shows scenes that movie me like this. Oh well back to work :D

Well it's snowing in Syracuse again. It's going to snow all week. And my professors think it's a fun idea to push all of the work up in the syllabi. It's going to be a tough month, but it's going down baby. Oh yes it is. Time to get some sleep, tommorrow is a long long day!

Well I'm back in 'Cuse. I don't know if I'm happy or not to be. The landscape is dismal. The buildings look sad to me. I'm not motivated whatsoever, and the sun is nowhere to be seen. It's the perfect time of year, somewhere far away from here. Sometimes the last thing you need is the first you get, and the first thing the last. Love...I get so lost sometimes.


When the day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts, sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong

When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts.
Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand.
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on...

Well I leave to go back to school this morning... Why is the worst part of spring break always going back to school? Sometimes I wish I could take everything bad for everyone I know, and right it all in one effort. I wish that things would happen for people who truly deserve it. I wish I could do that, but most times it's not upto me.


So it ended up being a great break. I'm sad to go back like after every break there's a bit of my heart tugging in the opposite direction. I'll miss my parents, the new dog, sleeping in, no stress, and seeing the sun every day.

But what I'll miss the most is somone here in Florida. You know who you are. Thanks for being a bright light when all others seemed to have dimmed. We'll meet up again in the future. It's not a matter of if...Only when.


::sigh::

Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say
About the things caught in my mind
And as the day was dawning my plane flew away
With all the things caught in my mind
And I wanna be there when you're...
Coming down
And I wanna be there when you hit the ground
So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right
-Oasis-

Ok been awhile since I've updated. I'm still down in Florida for Spring Break, and I'm not doing a massive update tonight. I've had a lot on my mind lately, and a lot has happened both physically and mentally and situationally. A lot of thinking gone on this week, a lot of realizations, and a lot to reflect upon when I have more time to do so. Suffice to say I promise you all a good detailed update when I have the time :) Never fear though-this update won't be a 3 sentencer :P

I've been thinking of starting another blog to put up and store all the poetry I've done over the years. I've wanted to have some digital media format of it for some time now. I had some up on Poetry.com but only a few. Actually one of the ones on there got me a big award from the National Poetry Association. I had totally forgotten about a few favorites I'd posted on there. I'll post the link HERE for any of you who are interested. You can just go to Poetry.com and search for the poems under my name-Peter Palumbo. There's 3 I think. "I Stand Alone" was the contest winner. I used to write quite the bit of poetry up until the end of my frosh year of college. Things got too busy then, although there certaintly was plenty of inspiration to write from since. Here's "I Stand Alone" for those of you too lazy to click a hyperlink. You know who you are!

I Stand Alone

If I stand alone
It does now mean
I am any less human.
If my arms do not hold another,
It does not mean
They are incapable of holding.
If my tongue is silent,
It does not mean
That is will be mute
When the time comes
That words can be sincerely spoken
And just because the
world has not yet introduced
The One that will share my life,
It certaintly dos not mean
That I am incapable of
loving.

-Peter James Palumbo-

Anyways expect that blog sometime in the near future. I think I have the few journals I used to write all of them in, and a good deal of them exist in some saved MS Word files when I tried migrating a bunch of my poetry onto some kind of digital format. Cutting and pasting is so easy they should be up in no time. Well tommorrow is a very important day to me, and maybe you'll find out why in that Spring Break post coming soon :)

Well another awesome weekend. Friday night huge Red House party gathering. Popped in a burned CD of some kickass music and everyone went wild. Had our Red House openhouse on Saturday, and then went off to see the Passion Of the Christ. Amazing. Go see it. Another party Saturday night, lounged around Sunday and relaxed, and chilled out. Now it's onto the harsh week, but the weather has gotten upto 50 degrees! Apparently it's in the 60s in New Jersey! Dad called before and it's in the 80s in Florida. Oh God thank you for small pleasures. Time to get outta work :D

Ah almost forgot...read this article...very interesting. I remember when James Caveizel was struck by lightening and remarking to myself how ironic that was. Finger of God maybe eh?

Well the week of hell looks like it's just about over. I've got about another hour at work and I can go home and get out of my nice clothes. I had my senior picture taken today, and yesterday the presentation was aces. All aces baby. I'm starting to finally feel better again (I had an upper respiratory infection..again 2 weeks after the last), so maybe I won't perpetually be on antibiotics. Friday is here, and Happy Hour is only a few short hours away ;P Hopefully off to a part or 8 tonight, and then the Red House open house tommorrow night. Hopefully we can get a full house for next years housemates. I'd feel bad if we left and they had a lot of open spots. (There will be 11 empty rooms after this semester...10 now since my friend Zach is a definite on moving in.) Then an impromptu at the house party tommorrow night. I have the best time, and all my housemates agree, at our own Red House Parties, or just when we decide to party in one night. Carl's birthday weekend bash was one such night. Turned into a 90s dance party, and we all trudged to Kimmel at the end of the night as a HOUSE. Excellent night, and after one like it there's nothing you can't accomplish. Got my ticket confirmation a few days ago, it's final-I'll be in Florida exactly a week from today...even timewise! Woohoo YEAH! I can almost feel the warm 60s already lol. Also I might get to meet someone while I'm there who I've known for 3 years, but haven't ever met. I can't begin to say how excited I am about that. This might turn out to be an amazing Spring Break after all. Ride the highs, paddle like hell during the lows.

Going to see Passion Of the Christ tommorrow night with Zach and Bekkah. Hopefully Jay and Meg will tag along. I really am excited for this movie. Return of the King moved me in a way most movies don't. I get excited for some movies for the action, or for the story lines etc, even actors (ie Tom Hanks new movie this March!), but Return Of the King moved me much more deeply because of my connection with the book, JRR Tolkien, and most importantly its religious connections to Catholicism and Christianity. CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien both were Christians. Atheists actually, and in their search for Truth, they became believers. Tolkien actually brought Lewis back to his faith. The LOtR trilogy though moved me even in literary form, and watching the movies literally (no pun intended) took my breath away. There are very few movies that move me so deeply, I can only think of maybe 3 or 4 out of everything I've ever seen. Joe vs. the Volcano, (if you know me well or have had any discussion about it before, you'll know why), The Green Mile, and Short Circuit 2. There's specific reasons for each. Passion Of the Christ is more than a movie to me; it looks as if Passion will bolster my faith. The most graphic and effective way of getting an experience through to me is through film first, written word second, and orally third. Up until now I can only imagine what Jesus went through, I feel like it's my responsiblity to see it, no matter how horrific to truly understand the sacrifice involved. I have great expectations for Saturday. I'm not going into the theater with popcorn and soda. You shouldn't be eating while Jesus is starving and being tortured lol. I do not think he'd approve! Ok time to get back to the office...

OK some spare time finally. This week is already been to hell, now it's time for the journey back. I'm sick again...what is this 2 weeks ago? ugh... This week holds 2 major presentations, and for the greater of the two, our 4th group member dropped out of the class so the other 2 members and I have to pick up his slack, a day before the presentation. Last weekend was at least fun. Friday night was Happy Hour and some relaxation afterwards. Saturday Amy and Meryl had a party, which I almost ended up not going to, but did! Glad I did, because I had a lot of fun and got to know a few people a lil better. It's strange to meet new people even now in my final semester. Finally booked by tickets down to Fl yesterday, so a week from Friday I'll be in sunny Florida baby. Oh yeahhhh. Get to see my 'rents and the new dog. My brother is going to come down as well, so it will be nice to see everyone.

In other news Oz Season 3 came out yesterday! Went straight out to pick it up last night, but never got to watch it :( Had to meet with my group for that project to resplit up how we're presenting it, and then upon returning home I started to feel lightheaded and really spacey. Flashback to an hour earlier when I took a shot of NyQuil not really thinking about it. Went to bed at like 8:30 and slept straight through till this morning. Oops. Went to Health Services today and thought that I wasn't going to get any meds 'cause I got the chinese doctor who never gives me an antibiotic, rather likes to let things "run their course." I knew I had an upper-respiratory infection, (I've sure had enough of them in my life to know by now), and I thought he was going to just give me Tylenol and throat lozenges, BUT he did give me a weeks worth of Penicillin, if I chose to go that route. Hell yeah. If I waited till next week I'd still be sick by the time I was leaving for Florida, and I remember 2 years ago when I flew congested. I felt like I would DIE. Imagine your head exploding...yeah not fun...so yay antibiotics.

Today is also a big day too. The Passion Of The Christ released today, and unsuprisingly it's been getting rave reviews just like the critics had given weeks before. I cannot wait to see it, although it's going to have to wait until Saturday morning/afternoon at the earliest because the rest of this week needs to be traversed. Friday is my senior photo woohoo, and a bunch of work calls I've been scheduling until then. Life will be easier once Thursday is over... Hope I make it till then.

The Passion of The Christ

Finally it's coming out!

No time to post tonight about the interesting weekend I had. I'll try when I've got some spare time. This week is already hell and it's only Tuesday :L

***This post was from last week, and I accidentally posted it to the wrong blog so here it is-like you care!***

I don't know how much of this I can take anymore... I've had enough of the rug being pulled out from underneath me, of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel only for it to extinguish. Senior year is supposed to be fun, at least for most people I know it is.

Nothing is ever easy. Ever.

And maybe that's a good thing.
And maybe sometimes I couldn't care less.

I think if I was granted one wish, I'd know what I'd ask for: 1 month where everything went my way. 1 month, and that was it, where the sky was the limit if you could put a limit to things instead of the limit being the sky. I haven't been this bothered in a very long time. All the little things that don't bother you seem to congeal into a pool and come washing back to shore like a rogue wave.

Well screw them. I'm going to beat all of it down and come out on top. In the wise words of Pete Wrigley:

"Don't Tread On Pete."

Props to Zach for reintroducing me to Googlism.com. Check out the best of the best for Pete!

pete is a real live childrens musical pirate who sails the seven seas
pete is our mascot
pete is five times a winner
pete is the same height as the matterhorn
pete is with the lord
pete is my idol
pete is the man
pete is enjoying the mistakes
pete is not a ragdoll ladies
pete is amazing
pete is a sexy bitch
pete is many things to many people
pete is not heavily involved in ego campaigning
pete is the only weathercaster working through the night to bring the viewers the latest and most accurate information
pete is packaged in robot mode
pete is here
pete is the most knowledgable person in the group
pete is mickey mouse's first and oldest continuing arch-enemy
pete is one more band that proves the expression is never more true than it is in music
pete is faced with the odds of his passing maths class reducing to 450 to one if he's late
pete is five times a winner

Well yet another amazing Red House party! The Valentine's Day party was a success smash hit, and was enjoyed by all apparently! A great weekend with tons of drama as per usual. Looks like I'll be going down to Florida for Spring Break. Wahoo. This is going to be a rough week of class, so I'm getting right to it!

So great news...

Mom and Dad got a new puppy yesterday!

A Shih Tzu who bears a resemblance to our old dog, Buttons. Mom had called me last week saying she had seem a cream colored female and she was totally conflicted because she called me three days in a row to ask my opinion. We settled upon waiting for me to get home in the spring and help her shop around in NJ. I call her last night though, and she asks me to guess what she has sitting in her lap lol. I'm really glad we have a new little addition to the family. I really miss having an animal companion around at all times; their presence is very soothing. As well it's been about 6-7 years since Buttons passed away, (our first Shih Tzu, and the first pet that was really MY own and had more than a 5 second memory span) and I'd been getting those pangs of puppy love again. In an past post I mentioned visitng a pet store on Rt. 22 over Christmas break with Amar, Jesse, and Tara. Despite the horrible kennel smell the dogs were adorable. Some got so excited like this one little guy who wanted attention so bad he was like knocking into the side of his cage and I was mildly disturbed that he might shimmy his cage right off the shelf! I remember asking one of the employees if they had any Shih Tzus, and they did-one. He was the sweetest lil guy ever and it opened a floodgate of memories of Buttons. I miss that dog something terrible, and for the rest of my life and beyond I will carry his memory in my heart.

Time for work! Huge network inventory of the whole building today.
Yay. ^_^

An interesting headline that caught my eye this morning:

CNN.com - Movie popcorn popularizer dead - Feb. 10, 2004

"I hope I’ve drawn your attention to the fact that, no matter how many people smoke out or download music, both actions are illegal. While the punishments for doing either may vary, doing either makes you a law-breaker. [...]

But your parents wouldn't approve of your underage drinking, nor would they be excited to know that you were speeding and they sure as hell wouldn't buy you a bong—but they would buy you an iPod. Downloading music without paying for it is a crime largely devoid of social stigma; it is much more socially acceptable than, say, stealing a real CD. The Recording Industry Association of America would say downloading music is the same thing as going into Amoeba and shoving a CD in your pants Empire Records style, but I disagree—downloading isn't stealing, it's infringing on copyright law, which is something entirely different."


DAMN STRAIGHT!

OK class is pretty much going to be not that interesting today :L Paintshop Basics. We got deep into Paintshop last semester for my webdesign class. So it also looks like I'll be probably staying here for MayMester...::SIGH:: That and it looks like I'll probably be taking a class or two this June as well so I can finish the hell that is my major >:L

Oh well it has to be done, at least I walk in May. Had the rents make their reservations so far and it looks like they, my sister, the kids, and my brother will all be coming up for graduation. Weird. 4 years ago I was a freshmen. Then I thought well freshman year is almost over I told myself I have 3 more years! Then sophmore year it was more like well I'm only half done! Then Junior year it was of course one more year! Now th at I'm in senior year I don't know what to say! Ok time to putz in Photoshop for our project-DejaView. A streaming website full of your favorite 80s and 90s television shows!

So it's another Friday and I'm glad this horrid week is finished. The work never ends...ever. But college does and that sucks! :) I got sick again like 3 days ago, so I've been walking around high as a kite, and that's WITHOUT being on anything. ::sigh:: Yeah well at least Health Services gave me something for once so I'm on drugs yet again. Yay. Guess my dream of a sickness-free semester is shattered. ::shattershatter::

Oh well! This weekend is going to be crazy busy too. I've taken part the past 3 years in something called College-Bowl. It's basically a college trivia game where each college has contestants and you duel off much like Jeopardy. We usually do pretty good and my most memorable answer was "Beaver College." Hehehe. I love knowing weird little trivial facts that have no right infesting my head but in this case they're warranted if only for a day :) Have an IST group gathering Saturday night, that should be interesting...and then Sunday is SUPERBOWL SUNDAYYYYYYYY. Thinking maybe I'll hit up Kathy's and watch it there since Jay and Meg are going to his Dad's for the game. Maybe I'll invite them over the house. Gotta order my Cosmo's wings on Saturday :) The delivery guy from there loves me now lol. Well one more day of work then off to meet Big Billy for some college bowl practice tonight. And ::sigh:: now that I'm on antibiotics I guess that means only 1 beer. >:L

And me oh my when will I find time to play FF V?

Lisa brought her dog into work today, a Labrador Retriever. I love having big doggies around to play with during work. Makes me miss having my own dog even more. I really hope my parents get another Shih Tzu. Dogs have a really calming effect on me and make things less stressful.

CNN.com - Review: 'Butterfly' not effective - Jan. 22, 2004: "Worse, the impact of the transformations is lost. In one of the altered pasts, Kutcher's character loses both arms during an explosion. The audience reaction was laughter. Laughing at an amputee is not a good sign. "

Ok Yes I've been very busy lately and not updating as much as usual ;P I apologize for that, but it's been pretty hectic to say the least. Classes are interesting, althought a lot of work. Your last semester senior year is supposed to be easy right? Wrong! ;P This past weekend was a blast though. The Red House was out in FULL FORCE Friday night at the Pirate party, and I must say my costume rocked! Saturday night was the Stoplight Party-Wear green if you're available, Yellow if you're sort of committed, and Red if you're NO NO!

Well a new week has begun and I still don't have heat in my room. Damn my landlord. It's time to take care of him methinks! It's official btw, our first party will on Valentine's Day, February 14. If you'd like to come up and visit, or are on campus and would like to come let me know :)

CNN.com - Dennis Miller: '9-11 changed me' - Jan. 26, 2004: "The United States right now is simultaneously the world's most loved, hated, feared and admired nation, he said.
'In short,' he said, 'we're Frank Sinatra.' "

So I got sad today thinking about my old dog Buttons. That may sound like a girly name to you, but he was the coolest pet I ever had, and really the only one that really was mine. We had a Siamese cat, Suki, when I was really young-we're talking like 1-3 years old. She lived to be something like 19 years old. Used to guard my crib by sleeping in it lol, and turn off lightswitches. Funny cat that, I remember some things about her vaguely and some things very clearly. But Buttons was the first pet I had to call my very own. He was such an awesome dog too. He was a Shih Tzu, and his named was because of the fact that his nose looked like a black button. Rather large for his breed, he was over 20 lbs when most Shih Tzus are under, he died in 1997, during the first few weeks of November. He held out for my Halloween party that year and I've got some pictures of him with us. His leashes still hang in the garage on the peg board, and I've got his collar, hat, and comb upstairs. I still have his dog tags too. That had to be one of the worst weeks of my life. Even when my grandmother died about 3 or 4 years earlier, it was a lot easier to bear when he was around and could tell I was upset and that something wasn't right.

I often remember the little things like how he used to get really hyper sometimes and we'd have this kind of "stand-off" where I'd pat the floor with both hands and then he'd do the same with his paws, huff a bit and then go bolting throughout the entire first floor. He'd run a huge lap through the kitchen, dining room, and then skitter on the hallway tiles as he tried to turn around, and then he did it again like 10x lol.

Eventually he began to have this horrible cough, and when he tried these things and couldn't keep them up it pained me to watch. He had too big a heart, literally, and it made it hard for him to breathe when it was doing a lot of work. After what must of been the worst football practice of my life, I called my father to pick me up, and he sounded very distraught on the phone. I knew something wasn't right but he wouldn't tell me then. He waited until I was driving us home and were on our block, not the most opportune time lol, I would have rather not been doing something dangerous at the time! Now that I look back on that I can't imagine how hard that must have been for him to break to me. I'm really starting to see things through the eyes of a father lately. My father is very rarely sad or grief stricken. I can remember maybe 3 or 4 times in my lifetime I've seen him so. But Buttons' death definitely rattled him. He doesn't like to go to the pet store with my mother because it brings back old memories I think. I visited one over break with Jesse, Tara, and Amar on our way back from an expo show. There was only one Shih Tzu there, but that really brought back a lot of memories, like a floodgate ripping open. I really miss that dog and I still get misty eyed when I think about him for more than 3 seconds. That was such a horrible time, and I've not thought about it in a long time. I was horrible when I was at home, because everything reminds you of your pet right after he dies. It could be the floor and you'd just randomly remark he used to sit there. Sometimes the worst was coming home from school and not seeing him sitting at the door or barking his head off when he saw me coming (he'd think everyone was an intruder until he realized who you were lol). I'd go out to the movies, go over a friend's house, and I'd be fine, but the second I was coming down my road my throat would get all tight again. I love dogs too, and I'm glad my sister got one, even if Rocky is an annoying Pomeranian with 1/100th the attention span of a serious ADD afflicted person. There is something calming about the prescence of an animal, and I can't wait until I get a dog one day. It'd be hard to right after college of course, and it limits your options travelwise and workwise. I'm trying to convince my parents to get another Shih Tzu light enough that they can bring with them to and from Fl. I think they need the company. Maybe he'll slow the now visible aging that's hitting my father mentally, or calm my mother's anxiety. Maybe another dog might make things not seem so lonely sometimes.

Maybe I just miss my friend...

Yet time does heal all wounds, and now when I think of him I smile and say to myself "He was a good dog," granting him the highest praise his species can earn.

Ok here are some gems off of our university's class rating website designed by my IST 463 prof last semester, Mark Frantz.

Submitted 12/16/2003
Took the course: As a freshman, fall 2003
Professor: Kelley
Comments: This class was more enjoyable than masturbating with baby oil. Really, I would recommend it to anyone, other than the white trash who watches reality TV, Newhouse professors really hate you people.
Overall Rating: 10
Professor Rating: 10
Easiness: 7

Submitted 12/01/2003
Took the course: As a freshman, fall 2003
Professor: gorham
Comments: worst class i have taken all semester. since its required you have to take it so try and get anyone except for gorham. he is a ridiculously hard grader and a lame kissass to the school. the lectures are boring enough to make me contemplate stabbing my pen through my eye in the middle of class. its a hard class, dont let anyone fool you, altough you may be able to pull of a C without too much effort. oh and you can tell the kids that want to be broadcast, theyre the ones that CONSTANTLY think they have something to say and it's usually not all that great. avoid this class and gorham like the plague.
Overall Rating: 2
Professor Rating: 1
Easiness: 3

Submitted 01/09/2004
Took the course: As a graduate, fall 2003
Professor: whole ist dept
Comments: i hate u ,,for starting my masters with such a crap course and a useless book...no doubt ist whole course is waste of money and i left the univ this spring..coz i cannot tolerate wasting money on such a course..ist 601, 621,,etc.. and 6 credits of payed internship..what greed!!!!!!!!!!!!!u have IST dept
Overall Rating: 1
Professor Rating: 1
Easiness: 1

Submitted 12/16/2003
Took the course: As a freshman, fall 2001
Professor: Rozensweig
Comments: This is all I should have to say: Professor Rozensweig had scheduled a test for Tuesday, September 11, 2001 for his class at 1pm. I was one of the many people who was worried about the safety of my family (in both DC and NYC) and so I obviously did not go to class to take my test that day. Well, Professor Rozensweig told all of us who missed class that day that that could be the ONE test that we dropped for the entire semester. Honestly, that should tell you what kind of man he is and what kind of class this was. WORST CLASS and WORST PROFESSOR EVER.
Overall Rating: 1
Professor Rating: 1
Easiness: 1
***I was in this class and that call was such bullshit***

Submitted 01/04/2004
Took the course: As a sophomore, fall 2003
Professor: Mooney
Comments: For everyone who has nothing but praise for this dick-- let me tell you about the final.... We were not suppose to have this prewritten, so those of us who followed that, needed the full two hours for the test... At 8:55, twenty minutes before the end of the test, he tells us we have five minutes... Then, in a huge rush to leave, the ass actually takes off without a kids test, a full fifteen minutes ahead of schedule... Yeah, hes a great teacher who cuts off designated test time and has more important things to do then take a kid's test... He sucks as a teacher and heaven forbid he ever finish a sentence before stuttering a new one...
Overall Rating: 1
Professor Rating: 1
Easiness: 1

Submitted 12/01/2003
Took the course: As a sophomore, fall 2003
Professor: grodner
Comments: I'd rather sit on a rake then go to this class...it's dull, boring, uninteresting, and the tests are hard. However, I did learn one thing in this class: I'm pretty freakin good at the Daily Orange crossword puzzles!
Overall Rating: 2
Professor Rating: 2
Easiness: 1

Submitted 12/07/2003
Took the course: As a freshman, fall 2003
Professor: Vincow
Comments: This class was horrible. For the amount of pain involved, you're much better off just trying an alternative method to learning chemistry, like doing every drug known to mankind and hope that you hallucinate up some chemistry info. Hell, you're better off trying to learn chemistry through vewdoo; you won't learn much about chemistry, but maybe you'll learn enough about vewdoo to put this naive son of a bitch thorugh as much pain as you would experience sitting through one of his lectures. To sum up, if you're serious about learning chemistry and you end up in this guy's class, save yourself a semester of agony and drop out to run a crystal meth lab...you'll get real-world experience and you'll deal with more friendly people than this assclown.
Overall Rating: 1
Professor Rating: 1
Easiness: 1

Submitted 11/18/2003
Took the course: As a sophomore, spring 2002
Professor: Morrisey
Comments: If u want to fail out of school and work at CVS on Marshall Street take this class! I still have nightmares. I did study..actually worked my A$$ off.. it just didn't work with this prof. WORST class I ever took in my lifetime!
Overall Rating: 1
Professor Rating: 1
Easiness: 1

Submitted 12/15/2003
Took the course: As a senior, fall 2003
Professor: dr mansouri
Comments: Dr. Mansouri is a cold hearted bitch.
Overall Rating: 1
Professor Rating: 1
Easiness: 1

Submitted 12/03/2003
Took the course: As a sophomore, fall 2000
Professor: Druger
Comments: Okay. Forget about rating Druger. Can we say something about the obsessed student in Bio 121. Let's be realistic. Biology is a hard ass subject as it is. When there is no one to explain things to you, how are you supposed to grasp the information. Are you boning Druger.
Overall Rating: 1
Professor Rating: 1
Easiness: 1

(There were like 20 posts like the following which is what the previous one was in reference to)

Submitted 11/14/2003
Took the course: As a freshman, fall 2003
Professor: Druger
Comments: It's really great how Dr. Druger is such a happy man. he definitely gets the most out of life, or so it appears. seeing a happy person like me, makes me happy as well. aside from academics, he's just a great person to be around at least once a week. so enthusiastic about what he does. hopefully, one day, i can also be like him.
Overall Rating: 10
Professor Rating: 10
Easiness: 10

Submitted 11/14/2003
Took the course: As a freshman, fall 2003
Professor: Druger
Comments: I strongly recommend this course to anyone who is interested in learning about LIFE. Druger makes it impossible not to like. Heck, he's so busy that he has a waiting list of students wanting to meet with him for a Bio-Lunch. I adore the Bio-news...it's pretty exciting sometimes too :-)
Overall Rating: 10
Professor Rating: 10
Easiness: 9


LOL...some of these were great eh?

Accept Jesus Christ and Get a Free Playstation 2

Ok go check that out. It's funny as all hell. I know I haven't blogged much lately but things have been super busy over break. A lot has happened, and there's a lot still going on. Suffice for now that I'm back at Syracuse, classes started today, (except for me hahaha!), and I'll try to update whilst at work like I usually did. Good luck to everyone in their first week of senior year hell. Unless your final semester of senior year is easy, then forget you. No luck to you I take it back.

Dear Fellas,

I can't believe how fast things move on the outside. I saw an automobile once when I was a kid. Now they're everywhere. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry. The parole board got me into this halfway house called the Brewer, and a job bagging groceries at the Foodway. It's hard work, and I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time.

I don't think the store manager likes me very much. Sometimes after work I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking Jake might show up and say hello, but he never does. I hope wherever he is, he's doing okay and making new friends.

I have trouble sleeping at night. I have bad dreams, like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am. Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Foodway, so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sort of like a bonus.

But I guess I'm too old for that sort of nonsense anymore. I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay. I doubt they'll kick up any fuss. Not for an old crook like me.

PS, Tell Haywood I'm sorry I put a kinfe to his throat. No hard deelings.

Brooks

The Shawshank Redemption is like dying and being born again, every time I watch it. It doesn't matter that I must have seen this movie over 100 times. From the amazing score, to the powerful messages embedded within, I'm deeply moved everytime I see it. The above passage is definitely the most sad in the movie, and I'm always moved by it. It's an amazing and uplifting movie. I reccomend buying it, THEN watching it. That way you will always own such an amazing film.

It's been a rough couple of weeks alright. Since getting back I've had tons of work to finish up after the break. It all went well without a hitch, and upon checking my grades today in a hopeful chancing moment, I found my first A of the semester. It's kind of sad that Megan's leaving tommorrow, who knows if I'll ever see her again. I hope so, since after returning to CA, and her London visit, she's going to move to NYC, a stone's throw away from home for me. As well Lauren will be graduating and leaving as well. I will miss her something terrible. I always felt like I could relate to her well and I've always enjoyed her company. Such is life-many meetings and many partings.

It's been snowing for about 2 days straight now. Thanks Syracuse for the dump on our heads. It's like not only are we supposed to be grateful, but say thanks for the hat too :P The snow drifts are making things annoying. I'll have to clean my car off tommorrow at some point. It looks like a big cannoli. One more final to go tommorrow, and then if I get motivated maybe make some additions to my website, due at 5pm. Hopefully leaving Tuesday, rather definitely leaving Tuesday, no matter how long it takes to get home. I must be home for the 17th. The Return Of The King is 2 days away! I cannot wait for this movie. I cannot wait to see my family. I cannot wait for Christmas. One of the happiest and heart-fulfilling times of the year is almost upon me. Yet time seems to stretch out like a road, traversable yet to no result. It will be good to get home; This semester has been taxing on the soul.

Well been awhile since my last update. Thanksgiving break was great. It was so wonderful to see my family and relatives. I really missed them this semester, and they missed me as well. It's really rough to be away from my niece and nephew that long because I feel like they're such an integral part of my life and vice versa. It was my nephew's birthday a week ago, so we celebrated that over Thanksgiving as well.

Got home around 6 on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and hung around for a bit. Wednesday was a bunch of errands and chores and then a trip to the New Brunswick bars with the crew. Thanksgiving itself was pretty good. The whole family was there, the food was good, and good times were had :) Friday was flu-shot day which always sucks because I seem to alwasy get some bad reaction from them. I helped put up the Christmas tree and tried to go see Matrix Revolutions again with my father. Black Friday. Movies. Bad combo. Needless to say it was sold out. Hopefully it'll still be in theaters in 2 weeks when I get home. I just recently started seeing films again with my Dad, something we haven't done together in a long time. I feel like it's a way of bringing us closer in a sense; doing things together again. He's getting pretty old and there's not much I CAN do with him anymore, at least physically. Saturday I hung around most of the day and opted not to go out that night 'cause I was feeling very tired. Watched the Ice Skating World vs. America with Mom. We used to always watch those together. Brian Boitano kicked some ass too. And Oksana Baiul...I still want to jump her.

The trip back to 'Cuse was pretty quick and uneventful. God bless the iPod. 5000 songs to keep me company on the way back. They sure make the trip fly by. The trip to and from school is cool like that too, in that it's the longest car ride I usually have in any given year. A good chance to listen to music when my car rides are normally less than 10 minutes. I essentially did no work over break whatsoever. I started on my IST 355 paper and got about a page and a half lol. Oh well, three papers due this week, then it's just time to gear up for finals. And of course my final website project is due. ::sigh:: We'll see how that turns out. I already know I'm going to have a good deal of all-nighters regarding that little ditty.

I've also had this score from a film stuck in my head since last night. Watching Road To Perdition spurred it on, and I can't place where it's from. The theme is getting clearer and clearer though, and always the film or source is just beyond mind's reach. I'll eventually crack it...hopefully before it bugs me too much.

16 days until Return Of The King!

Welcome to SATAN'S ASSHOLE!

That's exactly what the past 2 weeks have been. But it's almost over. I get to go home tommorrow afternoon, and do some relaxing. It will be great to see the family I really missed all of them this semester. It was just my nephew's birthday too so I gotta get out and get him a gameboy game :)

So I've been working like a madman lately yes. Everyone keeps asking me where I've been. I feel like Weird Al Yankovic between record releases lol. The huge 452 LAN Diagram is done. I had to host 3 sessions in the ILab cuz my professor would look "favorably" upon anyone who helped out other students. The rest of the class was clueless let's just say. All done, printed in spanking beautiful color, and
the other projects of hell week are finished as well. The 1 hour, 20 minute presentation went splendid, with praise from the professor afterwards at being the best group in the class, what every other group should "strive to be like." hhehe. Can't wait to see my friends from home. I miss the Jerz.

And yes I'm annoyed about the whole MJ deal....happening AGAIN.
Benefit of the doubt people. Mike's not normal, never said he was, but I don't think he did this.

Michael Jackson's Official News Website

CNN.com - Mickey Mouse hits a milestone - Nov. 18, 2003: "'Mickey Mouse speaks an international language,' Sklar said. 'When I go to Tokyo and see how kids react to Mickey Mouse the same way they do in Paris. It's reassuring that there are some things that cross international boundaries.' "

Happy 75th Birthday Mickey. I don't think you're the AntiChrist.

Pick up lines are so funny:

Do you need an exorcism? Because you keep making my head spin!

You've been a bad bad girl! Go to my room!

They say the good-looking ones travel in pairs, and that's certainly true in your case.

Confident women are sexy, and you look very confident.

Let's flip a coin; heads I get tail, tails I get head.

GameCube: The Hobbit: "The Hobbit features a unique style that directly contrasts the look of the gritty EA-developed Lord of the Rings titles. Bilbo is short and stubby, cute and colorful. He looks as though he might know and be friends with cel-shaded Link."

Ok so I did see The Matrix Revolutions on Wednesday night. I was in such a bad mood that I had to get out of the house and not do any work. Also Christine is yelling at me that she can't stalk me when I don't post in more detail, so this post is for her. I really liked it. I saw the horrible reviews. I think it was so overhyped, just like Reloaded, that it couldn't have been ended any better. I couldn't have written it better myself.

Everything I predicted after the 2cd movie came true though. Go me!

In other news I've just been really upset lately. My sister is in surgery right now. I was a wreck yesterday and I'm not faring much better today. There's a 1 in 200 fatality rate, which is not low at all, it's quite high. It's like there are a ton of things going on lately that I don't need on top of everything else.

This weekend at least should prove some distractment. Kathy invited me to go to dinner with her parents, sister, and sister's family at a Mexican place. Looking forward to that definitely. I might go to the football game. If we don't beat Temple I will hit myself in the temple. Maybe see Revolutions again. Once today is over things will be a lot better. They will.

Jobs On The Rise

Yes, I said it and I'll say it again. The economy has been on the rise. And every Liberal can call me a Nazi and a faschist whore for that hehe. The economy has steadily been rising under Bush's economic plan and will continue to. We're not in a recession, and we're not going to crash and burn. There will be jobs and American will be fine. Rejoice and go get a job :)

Ok this was WAY too funny not to post. It's a fictional conversation between Gollum and his alter ego Smeagol. The basis is whether or not to buy the Return Of The King video game that released today, because it has been quipped as having "more footage than the movie itself."

Sm?agol: We could getssss the game, yes get it and play. Be happy.
Gollum: But we would be spoiled. The game is tricksy.
Sm?agol: Game wouldn't spoil us. Game is our friend.
Gollum: Game will betray us! Tell us plot!
Sm?agol: No...no..... EA looks after us. Ea wouldn't hurt us.
Gollum: Electronic Arts wants you to play. Yes play and be spoiled.
Sm?agol: But we reads the book, We knows what happens.
Gollum: But we haven'ts seens whats it's going to looks like Precious.
Sm?agol: But we wantsss to know how game is.
Gollum: We could let her play it
Sm?agol: Yes. She could play it.
Gollum: Yes, Precious, she could. And she tells us if it was good.
Sm?agol: Once we've seen. Then we's could play it ourselves. Be the master.

I actually bought The Two Towers last year before I saw the movie, and I was eager to see how much was included within the game! Plenty of DVD quality movie footage yes, and plenty of behind the scenes interviews with the actors and creator. I see it as just another facet of the movie itself. Quite like The Matrix Reloaded video game. That game was of course a huge promotion for the movie. It was in essence a prequel to the second movie, and contained about an hours worth of real video footage. They spent 3 months filming for the game! And SO much of the backplot and story is explained. I knew what happened to Neo at the end of the second movie better than anyone else, because it came straight from the Wachowski brothers lol. I look forward to both games, although I'm wondering if I'll have time to play them much before Christmas break...

"But the emotional impact of this movie is zilch. When Moss and Reeves lock lips, it looks like two wire coat hangers trying to get it on."

Ok so let's just bash the Matrix franchise some more lol. I won't. I'm going tonight to see it after class, You bet your ass I am. It may be reduced to "Oh, they're great video games! Spectacular video games! Perhaps the best video games in the history of human civilization! But video games nonetheless," but I like the movies, I like their message, and their special effects, CGI and filming techniques are second to none. Rock on Wachowski brothers, I'm eager to see the fate of man unravel.

Want to know why I love Mark Hammil? Ok yes he was Luke Skywalker, and I'm the biggest Star Wars fan out there, and yes my old screen name was Jediqr7p for a number of years, and I know way too much about the Star Wars Universe than any person should about one that doesn't even exists........

But Mark didn't just ride the coattails of the trilogy, he's been busy at work.

Hamill is 52 now and wants other parts of his resume to shine: the non-Jedi movies, his hundreds of cartoon voice-overs, his comic book work, the CD-ROMs and his Broadway stints. He wants to be known for more than just the guy with a light saber.

"It seems to me that it's semi-fraudulent for me to be still playing on it," he says. "It seems to me that I just owe the public new product. If I wanted to be a nostalgia artist, boy, I could embrace it wholeheartedly."

Hamill's newest product is "Six Dance Lessons in Six Weeks," a two-actor comedy written by Richard Alfieri that co-stars Polly Bergen as a formidable Florida retiree who hires an acerbic dance instructor, played by Hamill, for six weeks of lessons.

Check it out!

I've seen many of the other things Mark has done, and it's always awesome to hear his voice in a cartoon or game. It just wouldn't be Star Wars without Luke Skywalker. I load up Star Wars Rebel Strike for Gamecube, and hearing and seeing Luke makes the story so much more involving. Yeah I'm a Star Wars geek...but I'm proud of it!

I love you Mark Hammil. You inspire me to no end.

I SALUTE YOU!

Been awhile since I've updated. It's way too late for me to do a long update now anyways-but I've been crazy busy. Halloween was pretty decent and the Red House Halloween party was next to amazing. There's just a lot going on this week and I've had a lot to worry about concerning my sister lately. I was thinking today though, about how great it will feel sitting down in in a theater at Reading Cinemas in Manville this December. When I sit down to watch Return Of The King, the semester will be over, and I will be home with family and friends. The stress, the constant worries, the toils of my family, the sickness of my friends and the weight on my heart will be so much better once I'm home. Tommorrow begins another long week...

So I'll start the revolution from my bed
Cos you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out
And so Sally can wait
She knows it's too late as
we're walking on by
Her soul slides away
But don't look back in anger
I hear you say
-Oasis-

Pray for Robert DeNiro. He has announced today he has prostate cancer. :(

Just when you thought it was over, a whole new crew comes back for a new season of The Surreal Life!

New housemates including Ron Jeremy (Porn Star lol), Traci Bingamton (Baywatch, Vanilla Ice, Trishelle (Real World)

"Indiana Jones is a very, very engaging hero," Allen, the female lead in "Raiders," told The Associated Press. "He's the hero who puts on the German uniform, when he knocks out the soldier and goes to put on the suit, it doesn't fit. When he goes to hit somebody, he hurts his hand. He's not one of these heroes who's perfect or over-muscled. He's every man, in a sense. That's very appealing to an audience." -Karen Allen

"This film will only be made with the consent of Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Harrison Ford," Rhys-Davies said. "None of these guys are in it for the money, anymore. If they're doing it at all, it's got to be better and more remarkable than any one of the 'Indiana Jones' films before. And that's a pretty tall order." -John Rhys-Davies

Give me a break...this is pretty sad. What do you expect people? Nothing processed, or name brand is 100% from fruit :)

-Getting Excited-

Well tonight was a dose of fun I haven't had in years! Meg, Jay, Kat, Kelly, Chris and I all carved pumpkins at the Red House tonight. It was really awesome. I ended up doing a really cool Cyclops one, and so did Jay for that matter. We had no idea what the other was doing until Rob commented on mine. Jay looks up and says "You're not doing a Cyclops are you?" Lol at least they don't look that alike at all! I can only remember carving a pumpkin maybe twice throughout my whole childhood. Painted a few but never did the full deal allllll the time. This one turned out awesome though. Photos will be up in my Ofoto album in about 8 minutes. They're uploading as I blog :)

So the party is this Saturday! AHHHHHHH! Amar, Dena, Matt, and Christine are all still definites. We're now trying to find a way to get Jesse up here but that's proving harder than originally thought. Jesse goes to Penn State, great school, good football, fun riots (I've heard), but crappy location. They're really out there in bumblededoo kinda like Villanova. Then again Syracuse is kind of isolated in its own as well. Not to mention UConn, UDel, etc. I think only Rutgers is near interesting things lol. And maybe some of those Cali schools. Let's not even mention NYU. So if we can find some way to get him to a train/bus station I could totally pick him up from there, but it looks grim so far. It will be good to see my friends though, I really missed them this semester. You'd think it'd get easier since I'm a senior and I've been through the whole ordeal/routine of going home, not liking it at first, then growing comfortable. When summer ends you don't want to leave again but you're a little eager you have to admit. Then you miss your friends and home again as the semester trudges on. This semester is blazing by though. I mean it's October 21st already. Geesh it was the 15th my last post!

My hell week went off without any problems. Took those 3 midterms, 2 exams, and 2 papers and the presentation and kicked all of their asses. ALL OF THEM. I was bouncing off the walls [again woahhhhhh] on Thursday night when I finished. Headed out to Darwin's with Kathy and saw the end of the Boston/Yankees game. Great game boys. It's not that I don't like the Red Sox, I actually have liked them for years, but the fans are total assholes. No Yankees fans, did I see at least, were harassing Sox fans or being outright rude and belligerent. Saw plenty of Bostonians being asses though, not a big surprise or big coincidence? You decide. Friday was a bar night, Chuck's woohoo. Saw a lot of people there. Ended up going home and wanted to go out again but I was wayyyyyyy too tired so I crashed lol. Saw The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Saturday evening with Kathy and her sister. Amusing but not worth the money as usual. But then again I got to see Erica Leerhson and Jessica Biel in tight fitting apparel so maybe it was worth SOME money. Went out to a huge party Saturday night and ended the night off watching some weiiiiiiiird stuff on VH1. Sunday was a total relaxation day, as was pretty much the whole weekend. I totally needed it, so that was aces high.

Didn't do as well on my Networking midterm as I had hoped. Our professor does these multiple multiple choice questions where they're multiple choice but it's usually 4 or 5 of the answers given being the answer itself. A lot of people sucked because of those. Would have been high 90s otherwise. Grrr. Math test I did awesome on though, and that's the second one. Hope the rest of the semester is like that, I'll make Dean's List, Honor Roll, and IST Recognition this semester if so. Time to catch some sleep busy week still ahead of me with lots to do. Gotta get those invites out too!

People come together
People fall apart
Nothing can stop us now
Cuz we are all made of stars
-Moby

Want to know what this week is? Hell. Absolute hell. 3 midterms, 2 other exams, 2 papers, and a presentation. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. SU scheduling should focus on the amount of work in classes related to other classes during the semester so you never get stuck with crap like this ever. Nightmare. Just finished 6 hours of research and work on my Law paper. We'll see how the infamous Molta Networking Exam goes tommorrow, I think I should be set.

Today started off really happy but I got some really bad news earlier from my sister and I can't get it out of my head. Some really serious stuff, so please keep her in your prayers if any of you pray. It seems like whenever I remark to myself that it couldn't get any worse that something really bad comes along and makes you wish you never said it. If that were all that was happening this week I'd be a lot better off even with all the work. I spoke to Jennifer earlier and her news was even more disturbing and upsetting. I think the worst feeling in the world is someone asking for you to be there for them, and then not being able to do it. It's crushing me lately and I really just need for this week to end. I need to not be engrossed in work 15 out of the 19 hours I've been up the past day. God just get me through tommorrow and Thursday and it will be ok...

So 24 is the most amazinginly powerful action show I've ever seen. It still doesn't touch the Sopranos or Six Feet Under in terms of those kinds of shows. They're different genres in my opinion. But sitting here with Asa watching the last episode of Season 1, I was totally blown away in the first 17 minutes. This and the last episode are amazing. Absolutely amazing. So amazing that I think I'm going to have to go tommorrow and pick up Season 2 immediately. That will be completely watched by the time Season 3 starts at the end of this month. Even though Matrix Reloaded comes out Tuesday I'm totally going to make 2 trips lol. OH YES DAVID PALMER IS THE M A N. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH take that you wife HO! Amazing.....I love it. Every second of it. Time to finish the last half of the episode.

This was a pretty interesting weekend. Thursday night was a big chilling on the porch night and then down to Marshall street. THen when I came home, Jay,Duke, Carl, Dave, and I all got down with 4 hours of DDR. It's so addictive that we had to make an organization as to who was going to play next or we would of ended up noogying eachother all night. Even when it wasn't your turn all of us were standing next to the pad step-dancing along with Friday was another bar night which was total fun as usual. Saturday was slow as all hell until Saturday night when Amy and Meryl had their party. We all got pretty smashed and it ended up being a really good night. Amy and Meryl were both in their good 'ol form by the time Asa and I got there. It was pretty nuts because it was like a NJ reunion. There were so many people from NJ there. Dana ended up showing up, but NOT KELLY because she passed out upon returning to her house. Kathy and Becky showed up and it was all in all a really great night. We hit Wegman's afterwards for a late night run and got some goodies. It was good to see Amy and Meryl and I totally have to hang out with them both more. I've seen so little of them this year. They both looked great, and Meryl totally lost weight I think.

I'm really starting to get excited for our Halloween party, it's going to be so much fun and I can't wait to see my friends. So far Matt, Amar, Christine, and Dena are coming up. Hopefully I'll figure out where they're all gonna sleep! :D Just been doing tons of work today, so much due this week and I really gotta crack down. So hopefully I can get my costume done in time for Halloween. There's so much to do this week-costume, midterms, getting my car fixed, and tons of other things ::sigh:: But this week will come and go, and I'm going to kick its ass. Time to watch some 24 with Asa. We're on the last disc, I need to buy Season 2 ahhh! Hopefully Carnivale later with Kathy. Love that show now!

SEE what did I tell you, it's been under 15 minutes and so far GREAT news has hit. Tears For Fears is reuniting! There hasn't been an album featuring both Roland Orzabal and Curt Smith since 1989. I'm so excited. Most who know me know I'm a pretty big 80s fan, the music of the time was great. And people who say they hated the 80s just had unhappy childhoods and probably got skinburn too often on their slip n slide. Tears For Fears remains one of my favorite artists simply because of the depth and meaning embodied within their songs. Orzabal forsaw things to come and wrote about them in his songs, and if you look at the lyrics you can clearly see that a lot of these things have come to pass. I dedicate today Tears For Fears day and I leave you with one of my favorite TFF songs involving a line about luck :)

Head Over Heels

Head Over Heels
I wanted to be with you alone
And talk about the weather
But traditions I can trace against the child in your face
Won't escape my attention
You keep your distance with a system of touch
And gentle persuasion
I'm lost in admiration could I need you this much
Oh, you're wasting my time
You're just wasting time
Something happens and I'm head over heels
I never find out till I'm head over heels
Something happens and I'm head over heels
Ah don't take my heart
Don't break my heart
Don't don't throw it away
I made a fire and watching burn
Thought of your future
With one foot in the past now just how long will it last
No no no have you no ambition
My mother and my brothers used to breathe in clean in air
And dreaming I'm a doctor
It's hard to be a man when there's a gun in your hand
Oh I feel so...
Something happens and I'm head over heels
And this my four leaf clover
I'm on the line, one open mind
This is my four leaf clover

Ladybug landed on me and hitched a ride for a good 2 trips during work today. That means I'm lucky lately and today's going to be a good day woo.

So Rent was amazing, as expected. The guy who played Tom Collins, Marcus Paul James, was absolutely my favorite. I've listened to Rent for years but hadn't seen it yet, so tonight was my first time seeing it. Marisa knew Brian Gligor as well, the lead roletaker of Mark, so I got to meet him and a few other cast members. Tonight was really awesome, after the past few rough weeks I really enjoyed the show. It was the release I'd been needing. Now I'm off and out tonight to wherever. Think I aced my math test too. What a great day...

Just finished watching the first episode of CARNIVÀLE. I miss HBO. Period. HBO's come up with another award winning show, I can tell already. It's Not TV. It's HBO. Damn right. Here's the premise of the show:

1934. The Dust Bowl. The last great age of magic. In a time of titanic sandstorms, drought and pestilence - all signs of God's fury and harbingers of the Apocalypse - the final conflict between good and evil is about to begin. The battle will take place in the Heartland of an empire called America. And when it is over, man will forever trade away wonder for reason.

Debuting on HBO this September, CARNIVÀLE follows a traveling carnival as it wends its way across the Dust Bowl, focusing on a mysterious young fugitive with hidden talents who is taken in by the carnival, and on the charismatic, shadowy evangelist who will ultimately cross his path. The 12-episode dramatic series takes place at a time of worldwide unrest, with evil on the rise around the globe and the Great Depression wreaking economic and social havoc here at home.

As they become aware of their abilities, Ben and Brother Justin find themselves wrenched from their lives to realize that the world they thought the knew -- this tenuous, prosaic reality shared by humankind -- is actually a chessboard upon which is played the ancient conflict between Light and Darkness, and they are key players in the battle.

So Ed Stalh (John Connor from T3, or the little boy from The Man Without A Face all grown up) is the main character in this show, and the Little Man From Another Place a la Twin Peaks as well. I watched the first episode and I was really awed by how the commercials and promotions gave a very difference impression of the show. I thought it was all about weird carnies and like voodoo tarot and card reading. It turns out the show actually has religious implications. Excellent performances by all of the cast, and you feel as if you're actually in the Dust Bowl; the locale is so bleakly portrayed. I hope the next two eps download quickly or I can find out when they're doing one of those marathon deals with the show. They probably will over my xmas break again which I'd be totally down for. I have to convince my father to get Tivo, and if he won't, I'm shelling out for it myself. Especially since my boss and cousin taught me how to "hack" Tivo muahaha. Imagine being able to record 700 hours of anything you wanted. I could have ever season of every HBO show I wanted. Amazingness. Way to go HBO, you never fail to amaze me with your shows. Now if they'd only get off their butts and release Six Feet Under Seasons 2 and 3. Then again Season 1 was only released last like February..maybe this next one will yield another. I'm an HBO whore...totally.

Going to see Rent tommorrow YEAHHHHHHHH! I'm really excited about that. I'm going with Marisa, and I'm really glad I found someone to go with. I would have ended up going to one of the Rochester shows alone. Meg and Jay didn't want to shell out the $ to go see it, but I think it's such a great show that it would be really stupid of me to pass up this chance. I mean I passed up Wesley Willis last spring semester, (ok well I was under 21 which isn't really my fault but let's just say it was) when he was in Rochester, and he died this summer. Let's not tempt fate twice eh? Tommorrow's gonna be rough, math midterm and nightmare CCNA review where they insist on giving us tests and quizzes even though the course is NOT graded or part of my college curriculum. Mmmhmm. Aha. Right guys.

I'll leave ya with one of my favorite songs ever.

Blind Melon - Change

I don’t feel the suns comin’ out today
its staying in, its gonna find another way
As I sit here in this misery, I don’t
think I’ll ever see the sun from here
And oh as I fade away, they’ll
all look at me and say, and they’ll say,
Hey look at him! I’ll never live that way
But that’s ok their just afraid of Change
When you feel your life ain’t worth living
you‘ve got to stand up and
take a look around you
then a look way up to the sky
And when your deepest thoughts
are broken, keep on dreaming boy
cause when you stop dreamin’ it’s time to die
And as we all play parts of tomorrow,
some ways will work and other ways we’ll play
But I know we all can’t stay here forever,
So I want to write my words on the face of today
and then they’ll paint it

Just had a chat with Brett. Good to hear from the old chap. He doesn't seem to be too happy out of college. As he puts it "get up, go to work. Come home, go to sleep, do it again the next day." I hear ya Brett. Was going to go to Faegan's tonight but didn't really feel upto it. A lot on my mind tonight and i'm not in the mood for drinking or really being around the inebriated tonight. Cracks me up that some people don't even remember me being out with them when they were 2 feet from me all night lololol. Ah alcohol I do drink to your health. So it's official Christine and Dena are definitely both coming up now, this should be an interesting Halloween party. If I could only get my costume together I'd be a happy happy man.

Talked to Ray tonight, glad to hear she was doing well. More drama in her life as usual. Poor girl has to learn to stop going for the guys who have girlfriends lol. She wrote a few songs about me though, THAT was really cool. No one's ever written anything about me before and they were really touching.

Time to go relax for a bit, get my mind off things. Maybe some 24 with the captivating Keifer Sutherland. GO JACK BAUER GO!

So apparently some people actually do read this, and they even check my Listen-To excerpt in my AIM info. I feel so special. Amy & Meryl you two rock lol, nice to know I count as some kind of Real World spin off in your lives lol.

So so far this weekend has been totally awesome. I was really down in the dumps the past two weeks. There was just so much horrible stuff going on then, it was like I was waiting for the clouds to lift. So many family problems, not to mention the car incident, and the death of a childhood friend. But just as always things turn out for the good again. I drank at the house Friday night, forgoing Chuck's cuz Kathy was too tired and passed out early in the morning where she went out after that lol. We all headed over to Kelly and Kat's house and had some more drinking. Chilling on the porch and some VERY interesting conversations lol. The pictures from that night are pretty hilarious. Especially when Kelly took her rats out. The facial expressions alone are priceless. Saturday I was planning on going to this Pumpkin Festival in Cortland. Chris had told us about it, and there was some beer tent where for $20 you could drink all you want for 4 hours. It was pouring when I woke up though, and I decided I'd rather just chill and do a little work. Almost ended up going to see that Lost In Translation movie today with Megan and Jim, although backed out because I was feeling a bit exhausted. Got some work done, and took a glorious nap (the effects of which are evident by my being up this late lol) and then went out to Kathy's.

It was Dana's 21st birthday tonight, so I went out with the Sumner girls to Chuck's which is always a good time. Poor Dana...I wonder if she'll remember portions of her 21st lol. Half the house, either current members or past members, were at Chuck's, and a lot of other people I knew were there. Among the bunch were Amy & Meryl, and it was really good to see them. I miss hanging out with them and I'll have to make a point of trying to more this semester. If only work would lighten up a skotch I could get a lot more things done that I've been wanting to. As good as tonight was there was still a few points of glum news that I half expected, but even so didn't really care to find out the truth. As far as I know I really haven't discussed this with anyone so it's one of those "Pete keeps it on the inside" kind of deals. Maybe when Matt or Amar are up for the Halloween party I'll talk to them about it. I really can't wait for them to come. Christine had told me a day or so ago that she didn't think she'd be able to come up due to UConn's homecoming week falling on the weekend of the 25th. Today though she updated me and said screw homecoming, it was only some minor deal anyway she was missing. I'm really glad she'll be coming up. We were good friends freshman year of highschool and faded a bit after that. She's pretty bitter towards guys now, as she seems to have had some really bad experiences with a few relationships in the past couple of years. She came camping with us though over the 4th this past summer, and I think everyone who went ended up becoming better friends for it. Christine remembers that weekend and I'm sure she'd agree lololol.

Also Amar is definitely coming up, even if Matt doesn't get his act together contacting him lol. Apparently though Matt's gonna be up that Friday, maybe I'll hit the bars with them. I really can't wait to see him either. It sounds like he's doing well this fall and I really hope so, I know the past few semesters have been rough on him, and I hope it fares better lately. The party is going to be so amazing...I really hope I can pull off my costume by then; I'll be pretty upset if I can't.

Otherwise it's been the usual work and class deal every day lately. My boss is off for about a week's vacation so it'll be kinda quiet and hopefully I'll get a little work done at class and get more sleep as a result. Fixed the house's internet AGAIN, and this time it should be final so no one will come complaining it doesn't work. I should get paid for that :P Got to know Marisa a little better this week, really interesting girl. Then again if you're a girl and you even know what Family Guy is, you're awesome in my book. It was cool though that we seemed to share a lot in common and she's got a passion in her life which is quite a rarity especially. Marisa's big into dance, and has done it for years. She's in like three dance troupes on campus, and in a few shows too. I look forward to seeing one; I've been raised to appreciate dance since my mother was a big ballet dancer, and did a lot of other shows and such in NYC and Brooklyn. Way before I was born, but I've seen pictures, she was such a gorgeous dancer. I actually really enjoyed my niece's ballet recital I went to last June. Not that surprising, I've liked dance for some years now. In another world maybe I'd have learned some dance. I still want to learn ballroom dancing. Maybe one of the classes this semester or next... So it's cool that she's that dedicated to something, and dance is something you can be really passionate about. I admire people like that, and feel that there's too little of them left. It feels like we're in a day and age where people are shiftless and kinda just loaf around not really doing anything concrete in their spare time but sleep or play games. Rock on Marisa! lol

Time to go chill with Asa and catch up with him. Haven't seen enough of him lately.

So I'm writing this blog from the comfort of the Red House family room. And there's no Cat5e cable connected to my laptop :P Yeah you got it, I've gone wireless! Thanks all to my boss. My boss is seriously the coolest guy ever. Here's a little story on how I got to work where I do.

Last spring semester I had IST 35, a really interesting class with a really good teacher, Mike Wunderlich. Really smart guy. So about 1/4th into the semester I ask him if he knows of any jobs on campus. I've been here for 3 years and I knew there was no way I was getting into CMS (Computer Mediating Services) and that my knowledge was much greater than 99% of their student staff. SO he puts me in touch with Jeff Pitt, actually calls him right there from the classroom and puts me on the phone with him before class lol. So I talk with Jeff a bit, and go meet him and boom, I've got the job. I begin working, joining 2 other students, and it's a great job! I actually did so well that they fired the two other kids and kept me on this year and gave me a raise. I work right across the street from where I live, allowing me to get those precious extra minutes of sleep whenever I feel like it. I get great hours, and very fair pay. And the extras rock. It's like getting job perks in the real world almost. For instance Jeff loaned me this wireless access point till the end of the year. He might even let me keep it! I can take off of work whenever I really need to, and I work my own hours. Of course I'm not getting paid like I was this summer, but that's OK, I'll be back to that soon enough when I graduate.

I'll have 1 1/2 years of experience with them (by the way my group is calls CSG, Computer Services Group who serves the Arts and Sciences college solely), and 2 years of experience with AIG (my big internship company). I'm really optimistic for how much I can start off earning when I graduate and head out there. The other day a guy stopped in who was the first guy to ever work as workstudy student. He started out making 55k right out of college with no more experience than working a year with CSG. Yeah...I think I'll be ok lol.

Awesome...I just saw MTV news, all about POD's idea for promoting their new album. They're selling the cd, with a dvd of tons of extra footage, AND they're including the coolest PS2 game ever-Amplitude. I own both Frequency and its aforementioned sequel. It's the coolest thing ever, you run down these "tracks" within a song, like vocals, bass, drums, guitar, etc and you play notes on those tracks. Now the notes can be on the left, middle or right of the track. Thinks get even more complicated when you can go from the end of one track and create a streak by immediately starting a new one. If that isn't complicated enough, you have multipliers equal to the number of consequative streaks going. Add in a few other powerups and it's one helluva fun game. Looks like bands are finally getting the idea to entice music listeners to buy cds again. It's quality of the quantity in my opinion. Ugh time go to work on a group project...if Craig would call already...

Things like this absolutely horrify me...but I'm amazed at the resilientness and resourcefulness of children.

Yeah so this whole past week has blown major donkey chunks. Ok wait a minute that's just the anger talking. No offense to any donkeys. You're very noble, helpful, and respectful creatures. That said here's a recap of the past weeks events:

Death of a Friend: A friend of mine from elementary school who I've stayed in touch with over the years died this past week from leukemia. It seems like every time I seem to forget about death's grasping clutches another person is taken from my life. This might have been easier to take had a friend not lost her uncle this week as well. Seeing her mirroring how I was feeling kind of gave it a secondfold strength. This was last Monday for me, so it started the week on a down tone. I'm glad though, she's in a better place and she won't suffer any longer.

Class From Hell: Yeah so my professors decided to pick this week to add insult to injury. I had so much work I was up for 4 out of the 5 schoolnights until about 3-4am working on assorted projects, assignments, and reading. Ugh at least that big chunk is done with!

Who's Laughing Now?: So after a pretty bad Friday night (rainy, and not much going on), I wake up Saturday morning to find my car broken into. The small triangular window on the passenger rear door smashed in, the rear hatch lock decimated and assorted scratches all over. The object of desire? My roadside assistance kit, containing jumper cables, tire inflator, some flares and cool reflective markers. So some schmo must have though he had the motherload of a laptop. Wish I coulda been there to see that one. God DOES have a sense of humor lol...Not that bad a thing but it really put a downer on the rest of the weekend. I was pretty down in the dumps all Saturday and it really killed my Sat. night. Back to almost normal on Sunday. I mean a third of the semester hasn't even passed and already I've have my car damaged twice! Claims adjuster just called. Rather than going all the way home to Ideal Auto Body (the guys who rebuilt this car from scratch when Mom and Dad had their act of God accident about 5-6 years ago) or I could find a place here. I'd like to find a place here if at all possible. It's a pain to drive 8 hours and have to wait a few days there to get it fixed. The guy didn't even take anything else. I had EZ-Pass and change and all that in the car, but I guess he was paranoid enough to be in a hurry. So an appraisal person's gonna come and take a look at that this week. Woohoo...

At least there's some bright news. My sister is thinking of coming up to visit me for parents' weekend. That would really make my semester right now. I keep hearing from my nephew via email, and I spoke to my sister the other day. I really miss my family this semester. I thought that that wouldn't be such an issue my senior year, as I've gotten 3 years to get used to it. Guess not. They're such a part of me I can't imagine not having my parents, siblings, niece or nephew. Sometimes it really is the small things in life that matter most. Rent is coming to 'cuse! The travelling one at least. I can't wait for that. I've been really excited to see it. Our party date is set, October 25th! Red House Halloween Whorer party! Whoooooooo! About 6 of my friends want to come up. I hope they all do! It would be so awesome to have an awesome halloween. Still trying to piece together my costume. Not too easy, but maybe I can pull it off....

Time to go cook some Italian goodness!

This weekend rocked majorly. So much fun.

Been really busy the past week or so, not too much time to update. I'll try to now briefly since I took a nap at 5 that ended up being till 10pm, and there's no way I could sleep right now lol. Classes are pretty awesome, thanks to those of you who inquired during the past few weeks. It's going to be a rough semester all right. I work every weekday at the same job I had last semester. In Sci-Tech I work for Computer Services Group, NOT CMS (which sucks ass and 99% of its employees have never touched a computer). They actually fired the two other students who worked their last semester and hired me on full time with a raise! Woo for being a homewrecker. I've got a lot more responsibility this semester and they've even given me my own office. Rock on! It's nice 'cause I get to work with a bunch of Macs now I'd usually never have a chance to work with otherwise. This is what I've got on my desk:

-2 desktop PC's
-2 PC Laptops
-G3 Mac desktop
-G3 Mac laptop
-g4 Mac laptop

Ahhh the wonderful sense of having 7 computers at your desk and never needing any more ;P Work is fun, I get along really well with everyone, especially the two new university employees Lisa and Dick. They're both pretty cool and everyone has a similar sense of humor as me. Everyone's a republic and middle or moderate conservative, so we share a lot of similar values as well. Nice to have someone on my own wing to talk politics with. Not to mention Jeff, my manager, is a sports fan too. Yay for jobs that are more fun than they are work. So I work there every day spankin' early in the morning, the time which fluctuates. Usually I work, go to class, then head back to work till the end of their work day. A bit taxing and tiring but when the paychecks start coming in I'll be very happy. I'm living a lot more thrifty this semester which I'm proud of.

Ok yeah I did buy a digital camera this past week, but I needed it for a class this semester anyways so it was a school-related purchase :) I swear! lol Classes are hard, oh yeah, and I've gotten a crapload of work already and shoveled through a lot uptil now. Anyone who's still NOT in school, you suck big time and I hope your deodorant fails to work tommorrow. Every semester I think it's the hardest I've ever worked in my life and then the next semester Life smacks me and wakes me up to a new world of work. Oh well. I never expected an easy senior year, and I'm sure as hell not getting one. The house is great though and we're having an art show this Saturday. Going to be a big deal too. Mix of an art show, open-house, and sale all in one. Got my animations all ready to premiere for the first time publicly, and not just to friends, at the show. Contemplating buying the Creature Speakers to rock the body rock the body. These things are amazing in sound for their small size. Looking for a cool way to hook up my Ipod to speakers apart from my stereo so I can use it for other things.

Other than that not much new news, except that our first Red House party is going to be October 25th, officially the first Halloween party of the 2003 year on campus. Hell yeah to that, hopefully it will be even better than last year, a pretty tough contender to beat.

Here's the pics I've got up so far of The Red House and College Fall 2003

Peace in the Middle East and rain on my house!

Those bastards. This was my idea last semester! I have the whole proposal written up. Maybe I should sue!

Listening To: Tindersticks - Tiny Tears (God I love this song...)

God tonight was rough. Shit went down tonight and my heart definitely troubles me this evening. It seems like every time I do the right thing in my life I'm always the one who either ends up getting hurt, or feeling much worse off than I would be if I just had stayed out of it. Sometimes it's so easy to do the right thing, but so many times it's so hard to, yet only because of the results. It's only a week into college and my spirits are low. Yeah college is fun, but I keep on feeling like there's more to this, or there should be for me. Guess I'm just kind of sad tonight, the world can be such a great place sometimes, and others it can really just appall you.

Talked to my nephew online today for a bit. My niece's birthday on Thursday, and her party is tommorrow. I feel guilty for not being there for her, or his birthday for the 4th year in a row. I hope I can make that upto them somehow. He understands, but she's only 6 and the concept of college isn't as clear to her. Maybe one day I'll travel when I work, but I could never settle overseas or too far away. My family means so much to me, and with every passing month it's so much clearer. I left for my senior year of college and Mom was still upset the night before and that day. It's like you get into your little arguements with your parents, which are nothing compared to some of the disagreements we've had in the past. This is like the holy time of no war lol. We get along pretty well, and they still grate my nerves sometimes, but I know how much they care and that it's not right to be difficult for the sake of being so. Then one day your mother or father will say something to you, and you realize how much they really do care about you.

I had a really upsetting dream the other night. My father was dying, I don't know of what, but in that weird dream way you just know it's something horrible and there's nothing you can do to stop it, let alone delay it any. Later that day I was reminded of a conversation my brother and I had during our vacation 2 weeks ago. Dad's 64, and despite his excellent health my parents aren't getting any younger. He said something to the effect of "We're going to have to take care of Dad very soon." My sister as well shares the sentiment. I will never put my parents in any kind of home. It is against every moral I've built in my life. You don't desert your family. Very little scares me in life, but death does. Not my death, I'm not afraid of dying at all. I was when I was little. I could remember getting really upset at like 8, 9 or 10 right before the school year started thinking about it. I think I thought I was going to die like in a week or something lol. I don't fear death, but I fear who it will take from me in the coming years. It really is rough to come in at the tail end of siblings. I've known one grandparent out of four, and she passed away in 1993. I think that even definitely opened my eyes to just how powerful death is at stealing away those you love. Looking back at how old I was and what it was like to have her live with us for abour a year and a half slowly withering away. I pray no one I know ever gets cancer, and that they do find some way to stop it one day. Cancer, Alzheimers, Parkinsons, and MS are the saddest things ever to witness. I know people who have each, and it racks my heart to see them sometimes. Even my uncle Tony who had a stroke and whose mental capacity is a faint shimmer of what he once was. Faith really is an amazing thing. Everything can scream the opposite at you, and despite that you believe in a reason, in something to the contrary. Maybe it's because Chris's father passed away this past year, and Jay's mother as well. Two men I really respect for their strength during those times. Just thinking about the first Six Feet Under episode is enough to mist my eyes. One of my housemates, Lauren, her boyfriend Edward, his father also recently just passed away. It's like I don't want to think about it, but it's kind of placed in front of you repeatedly.

Saw some dogs today at the pet store. Reminded me of Buttons a little. I can't believe it's been like 5 or 6 years now since he's been god. I don't think there's a week that goes by where I don't recall some memory with him. What an awesome dog. Screw Dick's Sporting Goods for their crappy collection of baseball gloves. I was hoping to buy a new one so I could preserve my old one. The thing is like a relic now. Over 16 years I've played with that glove. BBI, Babe Ruth League, and the All-Star league. I really miss those days.

Well my head hurts way too much and today has become a day to deal with rather than live, so I'm off to bed. Hopefully no troubling dreams cuz my plate's full enough lately. God bless all of you who try to do the right thing in your lives~My heart is with you.